[♪ melancholic music playing]
Okay. How about...
a rocket dog with space chips?
Spaghetti with meteors?
Galactic grape cup?
[sighs]
Elio, you have to eat something.
Do you remember what your mom used to order for you?
[sighs]
[friend] Major Solís, what are you doing here?
[Solís] Hey! Yeah, I-I'm with my nephew.
I'm trying to get him to eat.
[friend] Oh, right. Your nephew.
I heard about your brother and his wife. I'm so sorry.
[Solís] Thank you.
We're managing.
[friend] What about the astronaut programme?
- Weren't you about... - [Solís] No. Not anymore.
The, um-- The timing just isn't right.
[friend] Of course.
But it's-- But it's been great
spending time with my new room-mate.
Right, buddy?
[gasps] Oh, no.
[indistinct excited chatter]
[laughs]
[♪ mysterious music playing]
[recording speaking Spanish]
[recording speaking Italian]
[child's voice] Hello from the children of Planet Earth.
[museum narrator] Since the dawn of time,
humans have gazed at the stars and wondered...
are we alone?
Voyager is our attempt to find out.
This intrepid explorer is on a mission,
travelling farther than any human has ever gone,
to the distant reaches of the cosmos and beyond.
Voyager will never see those who made it again.
It will drift on, solitary and alone.
But maybe one day,
distant worlds will receive its message
and Voyager will complete its mission,
proving we aren't so alone after all.
[Solís] Elio! Elio!
[sighs] Elio...
Are you-- Are you hurt? What happened?
What happened?
Is life really out there, Tía Olga?
What?
[Olga stammers]
Come on.
You can't run away like that, Elio.
[Voyager recording speaking Serbian]
[Voyager recording speaking Dutch]
[recording] I would like to extend the greetings
of the government and the people of Canada.
[overlapping Voyager recordings]
[recordings continue]
[child's voice] Hello from the children of Planet Earth.
[tuning feedback]
Oh, wait.
- [zipper closes] - [sighs]
Okay.
[♪ Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime" playing]
Elio!
[snores]
- [♪ mysterious music playing] - Huh?
[gasps]
[♪ music crescendoes]
- Hey. - [exclaims]
[both groan]
Are you Elio?
Who wants to know?
You put flyers up for a Ham Radio Club?
Uh... [chuckles]
Uh, I-I am Elio Solís,
president and leader of the Ham Radio Club
of this beach.
Cool. I'm Bryce.
Great, cool, awesome. Did you bring it?
Oh-Oh, yeah.
It's my dad's ham radio, but I have my own call sign.
It's PXLOL... [chuckles]
...which sometimes makes people I talk to laugh.
How far have you called?
On Friday I talked to...
Ohio.
Oh.
If I can pair these together, I can double their reach.
Okay, you can go now.
Go? Wait.
Where's everyone else?
Unfortunately, most of our members came down with, uh...
amnesia and forgot to come,
but I'll see you at the next meetup in three months!
- What's up, Bryce? - Hey.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
- One, two... - [Bryce's friend] Oh.
[Bryce] You almost messed up there.
Hey. Uh...
- [Bryce] Uh-huh. - Oh.
[Bryce] Oh, yeah.
- Swoosh! - Nice. [chuckles]
This is Caleb. He wanted to come too.
Oh. Hey.
What's with the hat?
Uh... [clears throat]
Like I said, the meetup's been postponed.
Shingles is no joke.
I thought it was amnesia.
Oh, my gosh, you're right. It's spreading.
You better go before you catch it. Bye!
- Yo, what's up with this guy? - Dude, chill.
[Bryce] He's the kid whose parents died.
Hey, that's classified information.
As leader of this radio club, I hereby...
- [mysterious sounds playing] - [Elio gasps]
- Whoa. - Did you do that?
Shh, shh, shh.
No.
- Is this supposed to happen? - Don't. Stop it!
Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?
- Let me see that. - Don't touch that.
- I was just looking at it. - I have to respond.
- Let go! - Quit it.
[groans] No!
[mysterious sounds stop]
- [gasps] - Yo, that was not my fault.
- I-I didn't mean to... - [growls]
- Uh... - Oh, come on.
You suborbital, gaseous...
waste of mass!
- Whoa. - Activate supernova blast!
[Caleb] Get off of me, you little freak.
- Come on, guys, stop! - [Caleb] He bit me!
Hey, what are you doing?
[Elio snarls]
Unbelievable!
Fighting on the beach, skipping school?
Am I going to have to put a tracker on you?
- [Olga sighs] - [Caleb grunts]
[Olga] Now your eye. Ay Mamá.
The doctor said not to touch it for two weeks.
- Elio! - Oh.
You meant starting now.
This is serious! What were you thinking?
I was minding my own business, taking in the night air
and suddenly these ruffians attacked me.
No, no, no.
Look at me in the eye
and for once, tell me the truth.
[speaking other language]
No. I'm not learning Elioese.
[speaking Elioese]
[chuckles, growls]
Major Solís.
You going to the seminar tonight?
There'll be a speaker from the Astronaut Selection Program.
[sighs]
No. No, no.
Something came up.
[friend] Oh, is this the nephew
we've heard so much about?
Yes, that's him.
- Gloodle! - Stop it!
I don't know if this is boundary testing,
or sleep regression, or... [groans]
Which one of these is you?
I don't know, but I think that one is you.
[muffled screech]
Okay, I've got one last meeting.
So, I need you to sit here
and not move or speak
or injure yourself for ten minutes.
[sighs]
I have enough to deal with already.
[sighs]
[soldier] What's with this emergency meeting?
Oh, you didn't hear?
Melmac thinks he found aliens.
[soldier chuckles] This ought to be good.
[indistinct whispering]
All right, Mr Melmac, let's hear it.
Major... [winces]
Major Solís, earlier today,
I found this signal coming from interstellar space.
[mysterious sounds playing]
[Olga] Melmac, please.
- It's late... - Wait, wait, wait.
Listen closely.
[child's voice, distorted] Hello, Planet Earth.
In 1977, NASA launched the...
- The Golden Record. - The Golden Record! Yes.
- The what? - The Golden Record, sir,
was Earth's message in a bottle.
[child's voice] Hello from the children of Planet Earth.
Don't you see?
[child's voice, distorted] Hello, Planet Earth.
I think someone in interstellar space
found our message and is sending it back to us
as a reply!
- Melmac... - Major...
- Melmac... - Major!
We can't just leave it like this, we have to respond.
I've already rerouted every satellite
to send the signal back.
Sure, it might cause a few system failures.
Whoop. Sorry. Maybe a small electrical fire,
but it would be worth it for first contact!
I have everything cued up and ready to go.
Just say the word!
If someone or something is calling out to Earth,
who on Earth do you want taking that call?
- You... - [gasps]
- ...should go home. - Oh.
- Take a week. - [soldier] Take two weeks.
No. You got to believe me.
Major, please! They're out there!
Major! [screams] Unhand me!
[sighs] May I remind everyone that we are orbital analysts.
We track space debris, not rogue UFO signals.
Let's just... [sighs]
Let's just take five.
It's been a long night.
What a nutjob.
[♪ tense music playing]
This is Elio Solís of the planet Earth. Uh...
I come in peace...
and I'm super excited to join you. Uh...
I'm creative, hard-working...
shredded.
Uh, so please come and get me. I'll be waiting.
Okay, bye. Love you.
Yes.
Yes!
[exclaims]
[chuckles]
[Olga] Oh, no.
Time is of the essence. They could be here any minute.
I got to pack!
I take full responsibility,
but... [chuckles] ...I mean, you have kids, right?
I'll be out of your way soon. Don't worry.
Just need a few snacks for the road.
Elio!
Sorry, ma'am. What was that?
Which flavour will you miss the least? ¿Fuego?
- Fuego. Yeah. - I-I understand.
Should I bring forks, or would they think they're weapons?
Not worth the risk! I'll bring spoons.
Nice, peaceful spoons.
- Where's my good cape? - You too, ma'am.
- It's not in the wash, is it? - Thank you.
- Ah. Here it is! - Elio...
Blue or green? Which one says, "Take me with you,"
but not in a desperate way?
Elio, stop! Please!
Aliens are not coming for you.
But that guy said...
You're out of control. You got in a fight.
You shut down power to the whole base
and I almost lost my job!
[Olga sighs]
We have to try something different.
Boarding school? You're trying to get rid of me.
No, this is just their sleepaway camp.
It's just a couple of weeks.
I can't go. They're coming tonight.
You need to make friends or just a friend.
I don't care about friends. I need to meet aliens.
Why?
Because there's 500 million habitable planets out there
and one of them's got to want me!
Because obviously you don't!
Of course, I do! We're family!
You're not my family!
[sighs]
Your life isn't up there, Elio.
It's down here.
[grunts]
[Olga] I-I can't deal with this.
I don't know if anybody can deal with this.
[sighs]
When I drop him off tomorrow,
I'm going to see if they can enrol him in the fall.
I know,
but this just isn't how I thought my life would be.
[narrator on recording] It's an ancient human theme.
You can find it in virtually every culture,
in, uh, religion, folklore, superstition
and now in science.
[Elio crying]
The search for life elsewhere is remarkable in our age,
because this is the first time
that we can actually do something besides speculation.
We can send spacecraft to nearby planets.
We can use large radio telescopes
to see if there is any message being sent to us lately...
and it touches to the deepest of human concerns.
Are we alone?
[whistle blows]
[camper] No contact! No contact!
[whistle blows]
[Olga] You know I went here, too, when I was a kid.
You might not believe me right now...
but this will be good for you.
Oh.
Counsellor Truman, could I have a word?
Of course, Major.
[gasps]
We got in so much trouble...
because of you.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
- [Caleb grunts] - [exclaims]
[Caleb] Better watch your back.
- Yeah. - [sighs]
[thunder rumbling]
[static on Ham radio]
Ugh.
[sighs]
[Caleb] He's going to be so freaked out!
[Bryce] Shh. Follow my lead.
- [Caleb giggling] - [camper] Shh, shh.
Quiet. Quiet.
We're not going to hurt him, right?
- Just scare him a little? - Come on, it'll be funny.
[gasps]
- [campers chuckling] - Shut up! You'll wake him up.
- [Caleb] Come on. - [camper] Quiet, quiet!
- [camper] Shh, shh, shh. - [thunderclap]
[gasps]
[Caleb] Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace!
[Bryce] Where did he go?
[panting]
Athena 5, there is a decommissioned satellite
headed your way.
I'm calculating a new flight path for you. Standby.
- [beeping] - [astronaut] Go ahead, Montez.
Minus 53, plus 32, roll seven.
[astronaut] Yeah, copy that.
[Olga] Sorry about the scare.
There's been a lot of satellite interference today.
[astronaut] Roger that. Athena 5, over and out.
[sighs]
[pulsing]
[whirring]
[static on radio]
[musical notes playing]
- [interference] - [musical notes continue]
[bleeping]
Uh...
[gasps]
[Caleb] Elio!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
[camper] Elio!
[Caleb] Don't you want to hang out with us?
[camper] I thought you wanted to meet some aliens.
[Bryce] Come on, it'll be fun.
[grunts, pants]
[Bryce] He's out here somewhere.
[Caleb] Come on, Space Boy! We know you're out there.
[punching keys]
[static]
[high-frequency humming]
[continuous humming and beeping]
[gasps]
[phone buzzing]
- [electrical fizzing] - [Olga startles]
[phone beeps]
Hmm?
[Bryce] Gotcha!
Yeah... You found me.
This is payback.
Eh, it's okay. You don't need to pay me back.
Wait. What is that?
- Hope you like how it tastes. - [campers laughing]
There's something back there.
- Look! - Argh!
[breathing heavily]
You're so dead, Solís.
[Bryce] Hey, hold on.
Wait.
[Elio yells]
[Elio panting]
[gasps]
[panting]
[low humming]
[gasping]
[rhythmic pulsing]
Please.
[elongated gasp]
Yes!
It's happening! It's really happening.
I knew it! I knew it!
Yes!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes!
[panting]
[Elio laughing]
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Thank you!
[whooping]
Yes! Yeah!
[laughing]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Oh!
[Elio exhales]
[chuckling]
Wow.
- [pulsing] - [Elio gasps]
[panting]
[giggles] Hi.
[electronic burbling]
I knew it!
I knew aliens were looking for me. You saved my life!
I promise I'll pull my weight on this, uh... spaceship?
Is this a spaceship? Anyway, where should we start?
Probes? Samples?
I've got plenty.
[musical notes playing]
[gasps]
[Ooooo, distorted] Testing, testing...
[clear] testing.
Can you understand me now?
Yes. Wow.
It is a pleasure to meet you.
I am Ooooo, a liquid supercomputer.
Allow me to adjust your gravity.
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine. - Gravity on.
- [thud] - [Elio groans]
A welcome glass of glorp,
compliments of the Communiverse.
Oh! Thank you.
Wait. The what?
Whoa.
[gasping]
[Ooooo] Welcome to the Communiverse,
a pangalactic organisation
of the advanced species of the cosmos.
Whoa.
The greatest minds of the universe come here
to share knowledge, innovation...
[ambassador] And recipes!
Welcome!
- Welcome. - Lovely.
- [gasps] - Greetings, Ambassadors!
Absolutely ecstatic to make your acquaintance.
Oop. You've run dry. Let me top you off, old brick.
Huh. Thank you.
Hmm, yes. One cerebellum, four lobes,
and... [gasps] a medulla.
Do you mind if I take a little peek inside and see?
Questa, don't mindread him, you've just met him.
[chuckles] So sorry about that.
I am Questa of Gom.
Helix of Falluvinum. Mwah.
Tegmen of Tegmeg.
And you are?
[gasps]
Elio Solís of, uh... Earth!
A toast to our new candidate, Elio Solís of Uh-Earth.
[Communiverse members shouting]
- [ambassador 3] There he is! - [member] Elio Solís!
[member 2] Look, it's Elio!
[ambassador 4] It's a new candidate.
Salutations!
I love your eye!
[chuckling]
We search the universe
for like-minded souls and new species,
and we think you're an excellent candidate
for Communiverse membership.
You mean I could stay here?
If all the members agree, then, yes.
You'll be one of us and be the proud bearer of one of these.
Now come, everyone's eager to meet you.
[Questa] Each of us brings
our specialised knowledge and interest to share.
Greetings, Naos!
[Naos] Hello. Salutations.
Naos, here, created the Communidiscs we all use
with controls for gravity...
[Elio yells]
- [Questa] ...temperature... - [shivering]
...and all known languages.
[gasps] You know Elioese?
[in Elioese]
[both laughing]
- Gloodle. - Gloodle.
[ambassadors] Gloodle!
This is my most recent design. Try it.
Hello. I am the Universal Users Manual.
I contain the secrets of the universe.
What is the meaning of life?
What lies beyond a black hole? Is there a purpose to...
[Elio] Who would win in a fight?
One gorilla with a baseball bat or ten chimps?
None who fight are true winners.
Huh?
[UUM sighs]
The gorilla.
Wow.
These little critters are mimollusks.
They use nanotechnology to construct anything you desire.
[Elio laughing]
[gasps]
Are you kidding me?
[Questa] How dashing!
[gasps] This is the most beautiful place
I've ever seen.
This is the bathroom.
[flushing]
[all] Whee!
[all laughing]
- [Questa] Gets me every time. - Bracing.
It's like I was always meant to be here.
I knew you were looking for me.
Of course we were looking for you.
Ever since we picked up
this charming little spacecraft you sent us.
[gasps] Voyager?
[Helix] We found it in an asteroid field.
[Tegmen] Nice craftsmanship.
Um... thanks?
[Helix] Curious about the species who made it,
we sent an invitation
and were delighted to receive your planet's official reply.
[distorted] This is Elio Solís of the planet Earth
and I'm super excited to join you.
I'm creative, hard-working, shredded!
[static, interference]
So, please come and get me. I'll be waiting.
Okay, bye. Love you.
- [Tegmen] Very touching. - We are delighted
to finally make your acquaintance,
Leader of Uh-Earth.
Ooh.
Uh...
[Tegmen] Why is your face melting?
Um...
- Well... - Ambassadors,
an urgent matter requires your attention.
It involves the other candidate.
- Oh, him. - [Questa] Oh, dear.
[Helix] We should hurry. Quickly now!
[Questa] Excuse us.
Please join us.
Your technology and my weapons
would be an unstoppable alliance.
Now, admit me to your Communiverse!
[ambassadors muttering]
Unfortunately, Candidate Grigon,
it is our assessment that you are
not a fit.
I, Lord Grigon,
Blood Emperor of Hylurg, not a fit?
Well, we believe in tolerance and open-mindedness...
I am tolerant!
So sorry, it's not you,
it's us.
[Tegmen] I thought we said it was him.
[Helix] Shh!
If I cannot join the Communiverse,
then I shall take it by force!
Prepare to be conquered!
[ambassadors screaming]
[ambassador 4] What a brute!
Why did he make a new hole?
[Naos] I suggest we run and hide.
Yes, let's go to the edge of the cosmos
and turn off all the lights.
Uh, that includes me, right?
Oh, so sorry, candidate Solís,
we couldn't possibly accept new members
under the current situation.
Applications are closed indefinitely.
- But I just got here! - [Helix] Such a shame.
Let's check back in a few thousand years?
Perhaps one of us could talk to Lord Grigon.
- You do it! - Not me.
- I am shy. - I'm busy.
- I have allergies. - [Naos] My battery is low.
Don't worry. I'll return you to your life on Uh-Earth
just as it was... [echoing] was, was, was...
Just as it was...
No, no!
I'll do it.
[panting]
I'm the leader of Earth.
I'm the perfect guy for the job.
[Helix] What did it say?
- [ambassador 4] How curious. - [Tegmen] I do not understand.
You would talk to Lord Grigon?
[Naos] But what would you say?
Are you an expert on conflict negotiation?
[sputters] You kidding?
My life is nothing but conflict
and I've got the battle scars to prove it.
It would be a welcome change
not to flee every bully who covets our treasures.
[in alien language]
Yes. What's in it for you?
Why would you agree to such a dangerous mission?
Because...
you need me.
And at my age, it's really about giving back.
If you can make Grigon go away,
we'd make you a member on the spot.
[giggles]
Then I, the leader of Earth, am ready to serve.
- [Tegmen] Good. Very good. - How impressive!
- [ambassador 2] What courage! - [Naos] Wonderful!
Candidate Solís, you continue to surprise.
When Grigon returns, we shall be ready for him.
Until then, as you say on Uh-Earth.
Okay, bye. I love you.
[ambassadors, together] Okay. Bye. I love you.
Don't worry. I got this.
You're in great hands.
[restrained shrieking]
Just one last order of business.
Oh, yeah, of course.
While you negotiate with the warlord,
you'll need a temporary replacement.
[Elio] Whoa.
[Ooooo] Can I trouble you for a DNA sample?
Sure. Where do you want it... Argh!
Yeow! [groans]
Wow. My first probe.
[Elio laughing]
World leaders, such as yourself,
can't just disappear.
Your planet would descend into chaos.
[ticking]
That's what cloning clay is for.
[bell dings]
Whoa.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[both] Whoa.
Is this...?
Are you...?
[both] Me?
[both laugh]
Rock...
Paper...
[both] Black hole! Oh!
- Space is the best! - Space is amazing!
In you go.
Sorry.
It's a living.
So, what is my motivation?
What do you mean?
Should I change anything
or just stick with the low self-esteem
and desperation to belong?
What? I'm normal, just be normal.
No weird stuff, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
Have fun.
- [blow lands] - [Other Elio grunts]
Intriguing Uh-Earth custom. The warlord awaits.
Oh, uh, there was, uh, just a few things
I wanted to brush up on.
Where was that thing that knew everything about everything?
You mean this?
Hello. I am the Universal Users Manual.
Would you like to learn the meaning of life now? It's a...
No. I need everything you've got
on how to negotiate with the warmonger.
[sighs]
Certainly.
I have chapters on leading with empathy.
Nope.
- [UUM] Fostering connection? - Nope.
[UUM] Making the killer deal?
Yes, that one. Do you have a pen?
In the increasingly likely event that you will die,
would you like to notify your next of kin on Uh-Earth?
No, that's okay.
[UUM] Start from a position of power.
The most important thing is to stay calm.
Don't you tell me to stay calm!
What is this, huh? A camp or a fight club?
He's an innocent little boy,
and if this is what you call "building character,"
then I'll take it up with your-- with your boss,
- or her-- her boss. - [Other Elio humming]
Everyone's boss!
Unacceptable!
I never should have left you here.
Yeah, they chased me because I'm weak and small,
but there was pizza for dinner.
So, overall, a pretty good night.
How's the eye? Swollen?
- Did they hurt it? - It's fine.
I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't check in.
Something weird was happening.
That's okay.
I was tracking this crazy signal from space...
Are we going home? What's for dinner?
- [static on radio] - Um...
Mac and cheese.
I just thought you'd be interested
because if aliens were calling from space...
[radio announcer] Early morning fog and clouds
along the coast...
Elio?
Are we doing regular or white cheddar? I'm starved.
So, you-you-you don't want to talk about aliens?
Not really. I thought it'd be better if I just dropped it.
- [radio stations changing] - Really?
That's... amazing.
Good for you.
Ooh!
[♪ Juan Luis Guerra "Como Abeja Al Panal" playing]
Oh. I love this song.
[song continues playing]
[gasps]
Do you see him?
[Helix] Yes, and he's brought his...
compatriots. Heh.
Jolly good.
Okay. Be confident. Speak from a position of power.
[ambassador 3] He's here!
He's here. There he is.
The man of the hour.
Ah. Sorry I'm late.
So, is Lord Grigon coming here?
Oh, no. You will be going out there.
[yelps, grunts]
Okay, bye. Love you.
[Elio] What is this?
Red? Green?
[ship] Welcome, Captain Solís.
You have selected a map of our coordinates.
Cabin pressure. Shield function.
A nutritious shake. A breath mint.
A bladder evacuation module.
Ah, he found the mint.
You have set our destination to your home planet.
[Elio's voice] Uh-Earth.
[ship] Confirm or cancel?
Uh...
Good luck.
[exhales]
Cancel.
[screaming]
Uh, okay, okay.
[Questa] A little to the left.
Get your nubs at ten and two.
[Elio] Whoa!
What a heroic figure he cuts.
[shrieking, crying]
[breathing heavily]
[pulsing]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Hi. Take me to your leader?
Okay, look him in the eye. Stand your ground.
You're the alpha, you're the killer.
You're... [yelps]
This is who the Communiverse sends?
You are more puny than I expected.
I could say the same about you.
- What? - Uh...
What do you need to leave the Communiverse alone?
Hylurgians prefer to negotiate with screams in the air.
Pull!
[creature exclaims]
[gasping]
[yelps]
[groans]
[squeaks]
[gulps]
Recoil's a little heavy.
Your turn.
Darn! I, uh, left my arm cannon at home.
Why-Why don't we...
[yelps]
Use one of mine.
So nice of you.
Uh...
[grunts]
I-I mean, we're both leaders and, uh...
Pull!
[exclaims]
Surely we could find something to everyone's mutual...
[yelps]
...benefit.
Ah, trick shot.
Perhaps we are able to communicate...
Pull!
But those Communiverse weaklings
look at me like some kind of monster.
How dare they reject me!
[squeaking]
[all yelp]
Well, if they don't want you...
...why not find someone who does?
Come again?
There's got to be a place out there
that would love to have a strong guy like you.
But is the Communiverse not
where the greatest leaders gather?
Am I not great?
T-Totally.
But why waste your life
trying to connect with people who don't get you?
It's time to move on.
Right, Gri-guy?
Gri-guy?
[chuckles] Hmm, yes.
What, Workko? What is it?
Your Wrath, the princeling wants to see you.
For the hate of... Tell him I am busy!
So, as we were saying, forget the Communiverse...
You are a father, right?
Oh. Yeah. [chuckles]
It is so difficult!
He has no concept of the importance of my work.
I get it.
If he's too hard to handle, then just ship him off.
That's what I did with mine. So...
[Grigon] "Too hard to handle"?
I-I mean...
Oh, you think I cannot handle my own son?
No, no, no. I-I don't think that...
No! Really. Tell me what I am doing wrong!
[yelps] It's okay. I'm a bad parent too.
What?
None of us know what we're doing.
We-We didn't even want this, right?
Let me remind you who you are dealing with!
I am Grigon, Blood Emperor of Hylurg,
scourge of the Crab Nebula and a great father!
Pull!
[all scream]
[stammering] Right, why don't we take a little breather...
The negotiation is over.
Gronk!
Show the prisoner to his quarters!
Prisoner? What?
You will watch from a cell
as I destroy your beloved Communiverse!
No, no, wait!
He's really turned over a new leaf.
- Hey, Elio. - Hey, Jim. How's your back?
- Oh, you know... - I hear ya.
Oh, camp must've really helped.
[chuckles] I guess it did.
But he was only there for one day.
Oh, I overheard the colonel raving about you.
[gasps] Really? She was?
Yeah.
You've been working really hard.
Oh, that's so good to hear.
I thought I'd never get off her bad side.
Oopsie.
Everyone's super impressed.
[both chuckle]
Wait, please. You made a mistake.
I'm the leader of Earth!
[groans]
[♪ melancholic music playing]
[coughs]
[sighs]
[bones crunch]
[groans]
[grunts]
[gasps]
Uh, gravity, um... off.
Whoa.
[grunting]
Okay, th-that's enough! Gravity back!
[grunting]
Okay. I'll just get back to Grigon.
Uh, what haven't I tried?
"Bargaining chip"? Like, something valuable?
[scoffs] Where am I going to find...
[screams]
[grunting, screaming]
[panting]
[creature chittering]
[whimpers]
[straining]
[gasps]
[chittering]
[Elio whimpers]
[growling]
H-Hi, there.
[screeching]
[exclaims]
I'm too young to die. I'm too young to die.
[disc whirrs, beeps]
[distorted] What's happening? [clear] What's happening?
Whoa. Translator disc, cool.
- Are you going to eat me? - What?
Ew. I was just swaddling you because you seemed scared.
That's what my mom does when I get scared.
I'm rarely unswaddled.
You're just a little kid.
So? Don't have to be rude about it.
Oh. No, no, no. Hey, come back!
I wasn't making fun of you!
[strains]
Uh, my name's Elio.
W-What's your name?
You really want to know my name?
Well, I really want to get down.
I'm Glordon! No one's ever asked me my name before.
[Elio screams]
I mean, I ask a lot of questions all the time.
No one ever asks me about questions about me, though.
Like what my favourite colour is.
It's purple, if you're asking. Are you asking?
[yelps]
[shrieks]
What's wrong with you? That's just my carapace.
- W-What? - I'll show you.
Ta-da!
Whoa.
Every Hylurgian gets one when they come of age.
It's got weapons and bombs and stuff.
Ooh, and a cup holder!
It's bespoke.
So, if Hylurgians took off their armour,
they'd look like you?
Yeah, but nobody would ever do that.
To expose your soft, warm flesh
would dishonour you and your whole family
for all eternity.
I can't wait to get installed.
I'm going to look so hot.
[alarm blaring]
[voice on PA] Alert! A prisoner has escaped.
- Oh, no. - Are they talking about you?
Uh, it's a complicated political situation.
You-You wouldn't understand.
Are you a treacherous dissident?
[guard 1] Where is he? Check every chamber!
[Glordon] Are you an assassin?
[guard 1] You two with me. Move!
- What'd you do? - Uh, uh...
Come on, I'm really good at keeping secrets.
- [guard 2] Nothing here, sir. - [guard 1] Keep looking!
The secret is...
I'm a kid.
What? Really?
Mm-hmm.
[whispering] And I kind of tricked the Communiverse...
- [unintelligible whispering] - Whoa.
What?
- [whispering continues] - Oh.
No way!
[chuckles] You're crazy.
I know and now Grigon's going to blow everyone up
unless I can find a bargaining chip.
Something he values, but what does he even value? [sighs]
Well, Dad values blood, glory, the misery of his enemies.
Ooh. There was this one time...
Hold up. Grigon's your dad?
I thought you knew. I look just like him.
Check it out. [grunting]
I've been working on my back.
Can I ask you a big favour?
Sure.
[Glordon] Bargaining chip. Cool.
I've never been a bargaining chip before.
I've been a liability. A disappointment.
- A deduction. - Are we almost to my ship?
Not far now. I've also been a pillow, an enigma,
a problem, a headache.
- Little help, please. - [strains]
Lately, I've just been ignored,
but now my dad's finally going to pay attention to me.
Do your parents pay attention to you?
Well, my Aunt Olga doesn't care.
[straining] With me out the way
she can do what she really wants.
Like be an astronaut or whatever.
She gave up being an astronaut or whatever for you?
Wow. She must really love you.
No, no, she doesn't.
But now I'm free to join the Communiverse,
which is where I belong anyway
and that's where you come in,
bargaining chip.
- [Elio grunts] - Whee!
- [Glordon] Ow. - Oof!
- [Glordon strains] Wiggle. - [rumbling]
[strains] Wiggle.
[Helix] Candidate Solís? Sorry to bother you.
It's just that the Hylurgian ships
seem to be pointing their cannons at us.
Is this part of the negotiations?
Oh, that's just a drill. Don't worry.
[strains] Wiggle.
[Glordon laughs]
- Whoa. [grunts] - Come on.
What are these tunnels for, anyway?
Oh, these are the lava flumes. They power the cannons.
Glordon, I am not fireproof!
Really? Why didn't you say something?
Glordon!
It's okay. Just get in my mouth.
What? No way!
Trust me.
[screaming]
Hmm.
It's, uh, actually kind of comfy in here.
[Glordon] It is? I've never been in there.
Hold on.
[laughs]
Yeah!
Ah. Refreshing.
[coughs]
[muffled] You okay?
[Elio] Yes!
Lower me down.
[sighs] Thanks, Glordon.
Eh. It's nothing. Up top.
How long's the flight? Any snacks on board?
Ah, it's Candidate Solís!
I'm sure he's bringing good news.
Oh.
Look out!
[slow-motion screaming]
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
- Candidate Solís? - What's happened?
Ooooo, open a line to Lord Grigon!
- Of course. - Who is this?
Who is responsible for...
- You! - [Elio] Yes.
It's me! The leader of Earth.
And the negotiation is not over
because now I've got this!
- [Helix gasps] - Oh, my.
[gasps] Glordon?
Yes, and-and pretty soon he's going to be Glor-done.
Hi, Dad. I'm a bargaining chip.
No. Say the other thing.
Oh. Help me, Father. He overpowered me.
He's too strong. Too shredded.
Quiet, you!
[laughing]
What is that unholy sound? Stop! Stop!
Only if you swear...
[whispering] On your Hylurgian honour.
Oh. On your Hylurgian honour
to leave the Communiverse in peace and never return.
My Hylurgian honour?
Do you know what you are asking?
- I will... - [laughing]
[groaning]
Stop!
I-I concede!
I swear on my honour...
[all gasp]
You are full of surprises.
You have my vow.
I will come to collect my son,
but if even one hair on a single nub is harmed,
you will feel my wrath.
Well done. I knew you had it in you.
- [ambassadors clamouring] - Thank you.
Oh, I can't wait for this all to be over,
and officially welcome you into the fold.
I'm customising your membership badge right now.
Do you like the colour?
[gasps]
It's beautiful.
And so well-deserved.
But first, let's prepare for Lord Grigon's arrival.
Come, everyone. Chop-chop.
[ambassadors chattering]
Uh, you guys go ahead.
I'll take care of the bargaining chip.
Very good, Candidate Solís.
Now, does anyone know a good caterer?
[ambassadors chattering]
Oh, we did it.
[shivering] Yeah. You were so cool.
Oh, you okay?
I've never been outside before.
It's cold here.
[sighs] Wow! This thing's amazing.
Watch this.
Gravity off.
Whoa.
Gravity off.
- Whoo-hoo! - [Elio laughs]
You think this is cool? Come on!
Your Wrath, the shuttle is ready.
Shall we depart?
No, not yet.
The princeling was taken because he was vulnerable...
exposed, soft.
Prepare his carapace.
But that will take time, Your Bloodness...
Do it!
We will perform Glordon's ceremony on the Communiverse
and they will quiver at the full might of Hylurg!
[Glordon chuckles]
- [Elio] Ready? - Yes.
No.
O-Okay, yes!
On three.
One, two...
- Two and a half. - Two and a half.
[in unison] Three!
[both screaming]
[♪ upbeat music playing]
[both exclaim]
- Again? - Heck, yeah, again.
[Elio] On three.
[in unison] One, two.
- [Glordon] Whoo-hoo! - [Elio laughs]
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - [Elio laughs]
- Whoo! - Yeah!
[retching]
[both laughing]
[Glordon gasps]
[♪ upbeat music continues]
Whoo!
[chomping]
[retching]
[both laughing]
Ha-ha!
Shmeepa skiddopoo-peh.
No, no.
Skiddopop-puh.
Noice.
Shmeepa skiddopop-popopop-puh!
So, everyone speaks Elioese on Earth?
Nah, just me.
And my parents.
Or at least they did.
My aunt's not into it,
but I keep using it so I don't forget.
[splashes]
Did something happen to your parents?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I know it's not the same, but my mom's gone a lot.
Fighting the Blood Wars.
I miss her a ton.
Sometimes it feels like Dad doesn't even want me.
I know what you mean.
The only people who wanted me are gone.
But I don't know.
What if...
What if there's nothing about me to want?
I thought Earth was the problem,
but...
what if it's me?
Well, I like you.
And you seem fine to me.
[rumbling]
[♪ ominous music playing]
[thrusters whine]
[Elio] Oh. He brought your carapace.
[Glordon] I guess so?
But that's good, right?
Yeah. I mean, it has a flame thrower,
a circular saw, acid gun.
I'll get to fight, and conquer, and kill, and...
Glordon,
do you not want to get into your carapace?
Yeah. I mean, kind of, well...
No, no.
I've been pretending to want it,
but I've been living a lie!
[wails]
Once I'm installed, I'll never get to play, or swim,
or do anything.
It'll be the worst!
[wailing]
But why didn't you say something?
Because all Hylurgians have to do it!
It's tradition.
And if I don't...
[sniffs]
...my dad would hate me.
[no audible dialogue]
Glordon, you're not getting in there.
But... [sniffs] I don't have a choice.
We'll figure it out.
I don't know how, but...
Oh, wait.
Ha!
What?
Ooh. What are we doing?
We're going to give your dad what he wants.
Me?
Well, yes, but also no.
Cloning clay? A-Are you sure about this?
Yeah. Why not?
[groans] I don't know.
Would a clone really fool my dad?
He's pretty smart.
Oh, it's going to work. I'll show you.
Ooooo? Ooooo?
- Yes? - Can I check on my clone?
Certainly.
Mmm. That smells good, papito.
It's a secret recipe.
[Other Elio] You're going to love it.
[Olga] How are you so good at everything?
[both laughing]
[Olga] Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Wow. I guess it does work.
Okay, let's do it.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Okay. Your dad will take your clone back to Hylurg,
I'll become an Ambassador,
and neither of us will have to see Hylurg,
or stupid Earth again.
It's a win-win-win.
- [bell dings] - [gas hissing]
- Whoa. - Yes.
I'm Glordon!
Wow! Am I really that ripped?
You, follow us.
You got it.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
You'll be safe in here. No one else can open it.
All right, Glordon, get in the ship.
[both] Okay.
I can't tell you apart.
- Yes! - [Elio] Whoo-hoo!
Seriously, though, which one's real?
Me.
Stay inside and don't make a sound.
I'll be right back.
Come on.
You look so good. I can't even tell the difference.
[Olga] Mmm.
I can't even tell the difference.
I know.
Who knew yoghurt is just as yummy as butter...
- [Olga chuckles] - ...and half the cholesterol?
[both laugh]
It's perfect.
Let me get that for you.
Aw. Thanks so much.
[humming]
[yawns] Well, I'm going to turn in for the night.
All right. But first, get over here, kiddo.
- Mwah. - [chuckles]
Goodnight.
[chuckles]
[♪ tense music playing]
Hmm.
[glass cracking]
[shatters]
What the?
[gasps]
[sniffing]
[♪ tense music continues]
[gasps]
[♪ ominous music playing]
[gasps]
Hi. We should probably talk.
[Questa] And for my next trick,
think of a number.
- Uh, wait. Uh... - [Grigon scoffs]
Okay, got it!
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
[whispering] I don't know how much longer we can stall.
Where is Candidate Solís?
I'm sure he'll be here momentarily.
I sense the number is
- seven. - What?
- Aw, she's right. - [Grigon] Enough!
Where is my son?
He's here. He's right here.
Daddy.
- He did not abandon us. - He's here!
Thank the stars.
Lord Grigon, we return to you Prince Glordon.
My son. Did he harm you?
Nope. Everyone was super nice.
Hmm. Are you prepared to become
the greatest war machine in the universe?
To make your enemies tremble at the sight of you?
To prove the might of the...
Yep! Let's do it!
Oh.
A-Actually, I had more to say,
but, yes, l-l-let us get on with it.
[ambassadors talking]
[chuckles]
[Glordon chuckles]
[rhythmic pounding]
[Hylurgian soldiers chanting]
[horn blaring]
[chanting continues]
[Hylurgian soldier vocalises]
[chanting, pounding stop]
[pulsing]
[beeping]
[continuous beep]
[electronic noises]
Whoo!
Oh, yeah.
[grunts]
- Whew. - [ambassadors] Whew.
Witness the power of Hylurg.
[Grigon] Witness!
- What a good show. - Very impressive.
That's right.
As you have kept your word,
I will keep mine and leave this place, never to return.
Hylurgians, fall back.
[Questa] Candidate Solís, you did it!
- [all clamouring] - [Helix] Well done.
What an exceptional specimen.
You good, Son?
Oh, yeah. I can't wait to make endless war
and pillage the unworthy and bring eternal night...
May I have the honour of joining the Communiverse?
The honour would be ours, Candidate Solís.
Or should I say, Ambassador Solís.
- You're one of us now. - You're amazing!
- [Tegmen] I like you. - [ambassador 3] Welcome!
[explosion]
Ah.
It was a clone.
Where is my son?
But... [grunts]
How could you tell?
A father always knows.
You, read his mind.
Find the truth.
No.
Unhand me!
I'm so sorry.
No. [straining]
No.
No, no. No, no, please. No!
[gasps]
What? What did you see?
Your son is in a diplomatic ship in the docking bay.
[Grigon] Send the troops!
[Glordon humming]
Oh, more pudding, Elio?
Why, thank you, Glordon!
- [thudding] - [Glordon gasps]
[gasps]
Elio?
[grunting]
[yelps]
[ship] You have selected a map of our coordinates.
Neck pillow. Lip balm. A breath mint.
Mmm.
[ship] Destination...
[Elio's voice] Uh, Earth.
[ship] Confirm or cancel?
What? Confirm?
Ooooo, open a portal to Earth.
What are you doing?
Will you tell them, or must I?
Please don't.
He is not the leader of Earth.
[ambassadors exclaiming]
He is not the leader of anything.
He is just
a child.
- What? - Oh, no.
- I do not understand. - No.
She's... She's wrong.
- I am the leader of Earth. - [ambassadors gasp]
I can still help!
Just please, please let me stay.
He is not there!
- What? - But I saw him!
We are as surprised as you.
Arrest them all!
The Communiverse is now under Hylurgian control.
[shouting]
[Auva] Don't touch me. Stop!
[ambassador 2] We can sort this out!
- [Tegmen] Ouch. - It's his fault, not ours!
Liar! Betrayer! Coward!
Leave! Now!
I'm so sorry.
You've done enough!
[distorted] No!
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[♪ melancholic music playing]
Tear this place apart until you find my son!
[yells]
[gasping]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[inhaling, coughing]
No. [breathing heavily]
[♪ melancholic music playing]
Don't leave me.
Please.
[crying]
[Other Elio giggling]
- [gasps] - Oh, I'll take that.
Thanks, kiddo.
[Olga] Shoot. I left the, um... That, uh...
I know what it is. Be right back.
- Thank you. - [Other Elio laughs]
[speaking Spanish]
[in English] You couldn't find it, huh?
Would you toss me those?
Come on!
Stupid flashlight!
Sorry.
[sighs]
Are you okay?
No. I feel crazy!
I'm on the beach
trying to make contact with I don't know what.
I just...
feel so...
alone.
[sighs] You wouldn't understand.
Actually,
I do.
[crackling]
[Olga sighs]
[inhales deeply] Oh.
I didn't think you'd miss me.
I missed you.
I've missed everything about you.
But...
this isn't the life you wanted.
The only thing I want
is you.
[sighs]
- [helicopter whirring] - [Other Elio panting]
Tía Olga! Oh.
Oh, hey, you're back!
Whew.
Something's going on at the base.
[sirens]
[gasps]
[Elio] Wait. That's my spaceship.
- Glordon's in there! - Who?
My friend.
- You made a friend? - You made a friend? Nice.
Yeah, and he needs our help. You have clearance, right?
Not for this.
[groans] There's got to be some way to get in there.
O-Okay, okay. Let me think.
[Elio groans]
Well, if you don't need me anymore,
I will begin my decomposition process.
Feel free to spread me over a plant
as nutritious fertiliser.
[warbling]
[both] Wait!
- [soldiers clamouring] - [tyres screech]
[bell rings]
They, uh, mention what it is?
Negative. But AARO's here and NASA's on the way.
Is it extraterrestrial?
[scoffs] What, like little green men?
Don't tell me you believe in that stuff.
[echoing laugh]
Who's there?
[♪ tense music playing]
[sighs] It's a kid.
Hey, you shouldn't be here.
[neck cracks]
Can you help me?
[♪ tense music continues]
Huh?
[distorted] I don't feel so good.
[screaming]
- Get it off me! - [soldiers screaming]
- Get it off me! - [clamouring]
It's in my mouth!
Why is it sour?
It's on me too!
[soldier 2] Help! Help!
[soldiers clamouring]
Thank you for your service.
- [indistinct radio chatter] - [scientists grunting]
[♪ uplifting music playing]
[muffled shout]
[panting]
[beeping]
[door hisses]
[gasps] Glordon!
[Glordon panting]
[panting and wheezing]
Is that your friend?
[distorted] Elio?
[distorted] What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Why didn't you stay where I told you?
I'm sorry.
[distorted] I accidentally turned on the ship.
- [Glordon growling] - [beeping fading]
Glordon? Glordon!
- Is he sick? - His disc is broken.
It's too cold for him here!
- Hey! - [both gasp]
Put your hands up! Back away from the specimen.
[panting]
I said, back away! Now!
Shmeegle shmarpie blop.
[gasps] You learned Elioese?
[in Elioese]
Hey, what are you saying?
- Oh, you mean "glöp." - Stop that!
[all grunt]
Gun it!
[panting]
Oh, my gosh. Oh...
This is so...
Oh, my gosh.
[Glordon growls]
Hold on, Glordon.
Olga, you got to drive!
- B-But how? - Please!
[ship] Welcome, guest pilot!
[groaning]
Give me your jacket.
I'm so sorry, Glordon. This is all my fault.
[growls]
Don't worry.
I'm going to get you home.
Ship, get us to the Communiverse.
[ship] Hyper-speed unavailable,
path blocked.
What? It's totally clear.
[ship] I said, "Hyper-speed unavailable,
path blocked."
Oh, come on!
[Elio groans]
- What? - Shh.
[both exclaim]
[gasps] We're in a debris field.
- Let's just get out of here. - No!
These objects are faster than bullets.
But this is what you do.
From the ground.
I don't know where the debris's coming from.
I-I need altitudes, velo... [gasps]
[sighs] If I could just contact someone on the ground.
[groans] But the base is on lockdown.
Maybe someone with a-- with a ham radio.
- I don't know! - [gasps]
Elio?
Bro, I bet that UFO was real.
Oh, what if they're here for food
and the only thing they eat are hamsters?
I'm fine with that.
[mysterious sounds]
[Elio] PXLOL, please respond.
PXLOL, come in!
Hello? This is PXLOL.
Bryce! Uh...
This is Elio.
[Bryce] Solís? I'm sorry about what happened.
Caleb can be a real butt sometimes.
It's okay, I was a butt too.
Look, you might not believe this,
but we're in an alien ship that just...
That's you? Aw, man!
There's a lot of radio chatter about that.
[Elio] Yeah, that's us.
We're trying to fly through debris,
but we need to know where it's coming...
[both scream]
How's your math? Physics? Are you good at physics?
Whoa. Uh...
Bryce, I really need your help.
Please.
I don't know anything about debris,
but I know someone who does.
He's a legend in my radio group.
The boss. The eyes in the sky. He's...
Melmac reporting for duty!
I'll take it from here, PXLOL!
Elio, you better come back in one piece, okay?
I'll tell you all about it.
Thank you, Melmac, I owe you a huge...
[Melmac] Never mind that, Major.
A Master of Ham always helps in a jam.
Ha!
Let's get you through this debris field.
I'm pulling up the network now.
Get ready.
We need a fixed target.
[gasps] Orion's belt.
Perfect. Drive straight toward it,
- and be ready to dodge. - [Elio] Okay.
Uh, ship, can you, um-- can you project a grid?
Okay. Melmac, anything out there?
Hurry, before we're out of range!
Uh... Okay. Large rocket body!
Altitude, 407 kilometres,
velocity, 7.66.
Got it.
There.
Where? I-I don't see it!
Just pull back. Now!
[screams]
Another one! 788 kilometres, velocity, 7.46.
- Climb fast! Now! - Roger!
Whoo! We are going ham!
[Melmac laughs]
You're doing great.
Melmac, keep them coming.
Major, you're leaving the comm window.
Just stay on this frequency.
Stay... frequency...
- Melmac? Melmac? - [beeping]
[ship] Shields at 80%.
[Glordon groaning]
Glordon.
Is anyone there?
Please, anyone? Mayday! Mayday! Come in. Come in!
[both exclaim]
- [ship] Shields at 60%. - [alarm beeping]
[both grunt]
[ship] Shields at 41%.
[thud]
- [ship] Shields at 23%. - [Elio grunts]
Mayday! Mayday! Come in. Come in!
- Hello? - [ship] Shields at 16%.
[both exclaim]
- Is anyone out there? - [Elio grunts]
[echoing] Can anyone hear us?
- This is... - [radio crackles]
...Senegal.
[ham operator 1] Bonjour. This is Masters of Ham in Senegal.
Yes, yes. We read you.
[ham operator 1] Large debris at 1,300 kilometres,
velocity, 7.2.
Pull back! Hard!
Thank you. Thank you.
[ham operator 1] Masters of Ham at your service.
[on radio] This is Giulia from Italia.
This is awesome!
- 2,224, velocity 6.81. - Right.
This is Anoush in Armenia.
- Velocity, 6.75. - Right!
[ham operator 3] Namaste.
- This is Vikram from Mumbai. - Climb!
[Vikram] Debris at 2,753,
- velocity, 6.61. - Left!
- This is Hoang in Vietnam. - Velocity 6...
You can do this!
- You're going to be okay. - You're not alone.
- Go, go, go! - [laughs] Come on, kid!
- Keep going! - You're almost there!
[ham operators cheering]
[ham operator 5] There's one more piece!
Move, move, move!
- Which way? - I don't know.
[low rumbling]
[both grunting]
[ship] Path cleared.
[sighs, laughs]
[♪ hopeful music playing]
[gasps] Glordon?
[control panel beeping]
[ship] Engaging hyper-speed.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[grunts]
[both groaning]
[gasps]
[♪ ominous music playing]
Help us. Please.
- [Olga] Elio. - [Elio] Glordon. No!
[Olga] Get off me! [grunts]
[Elio struggling]
[crying]
Glordon.
Glordon, wake up.
No.
I can't lose you too.
- [roars] - [gasps]
No!
[roaring]
[growling]
[gasps]
[sighs]
[Glordon grunts]
[both sigh]
[both growl]
[speaks Hylurgian]
Explain yourselves.
Huh?
I-- I can't.
Just tell him.
He loves you.
Look how much he wanted you back.
[gulps]
I-I...
I don't want to be a war machine.
[sighs]
You already know?
Yes.
I may not always understand you,
but I still love you.
[sighs]
[stammers] It's a loose swaddle.
I do not have your mother's touch.
You did great.
I have never uttered these words before,
but I am...
[elongated] ...sorry.
[sighs]
Release them all.
[ambassadors chattering]
[♪ uplifting music playing]
[Questa] Congratulations, Ambassador Solís!
But I-I lied to you!
And then you sacrificed yourself to save another.
You behaved as admirably as any real planetary leader.
And you did bring peace.
Eventually.
You have earned your place here.
I could stay?
Yes, yes, yes!
- [Elio laughs] - [Naos] Excellent.
[Glordon] We can hang out every day.
[chattering continues, distorted]
[sighs]
[♪ melancholic music playing]
This place is amazing,
but Earth is...
home.
I didn't give it a chance, but...
now...
I want to try.
With you.
[gasps]
Are you sure?
We're family.
[gasps, sighs]
This isn't goodbye.
It's just not yet.
We understand.
You are unique, Elio of Earth,
and "unique" can sometimes feel like "alone."
But you are not alone.
Okay.
Bye.
I love you.
Okay. Bye. [distorted] I love you.
[distorted] Okay. Bye. I love you.
[ambassador speaking alien language]
[distorted] Okay. Bye. I love you.
[speaking alien language]
[growls]
[♪ emotional music playing]
[growls]
I love you, too.
Let's go home.
[♪ emotional music continues]
[spaceship whirrs]
[narrator on recording] It's an ancient human theme.
You can find it in virtually every culture.
In, uh, religion, folklore, superstition,
and, now, in science.
The search for life elsewhere is remarkable in our age
because this is the first time
that we can actually do something besides speculation.
We can send spacecraft to nearby planets.
We can use large radio telescopes to see
if there is any message being sent to us lately.
And it touches to the deepest of human concerns.
Are we alone?
[radio static, frequency changing]
[growling through radio]
Glordon, your disc is muted.
[Glordon] Oops, sorry.
Now, tell me everything.
好吧，那麼…
來點火箭熱狗和太空薯條？
流星意大利麵？
銀河葡萄杯？
艾立歐，你得吃點東西
記得你媽都幫你點什麼嗎？
索利斯少校，你怎麼在這裡？
嗨，我帶我侄兒來
想讓他吃點東西
對喔，你侄兒
我聽說你哥哥嫂嫂的事了，很遺憾
謝謝
得慢慢適應
那項太空人計畫怎麼辦？你不是…
不，已經沒有了
時機實在不對
的確
不過正好可以陪陪我的新室友
對吧，兄弟？
糟了
（航海家金唱片）
行星地球的兒童向您問好
自古以來
人類凝視星空時便常想
我們孤單嗎？
我們希望透過航海家號尋找答案
這艘英勇的探測器肩負使命
前往人類從未抵達的地方
到宇宙遙不可及之處，甚至更遠
航海家號再也見不到打造它的人
它將孤單地獨自漂流
但也許有一天
遙遠的世界會収到它的訊息
航海家號將完成任務
證明我們其實並不孤單
艾立歐，艾立歐
艾立歐
你受傷了嗎？怎麼了？
怎麼了？
那裡眞的有生命嗎，歐嘉姑姑？
什麼？
走吧
你不能隨便亂跑，艾立歐
我代表加拿大政府和人民問候你
行星地球的兒童向您問好
《地球特派員》
（外星人！綁架我吧！！！）
等下
好了
艾立歐
嘿
你是艾立歐嗎？
誰在問？
火腿電臺社的傳單是你發的？
我是艾立歐索利斯
這片海灘的火腿電臺社社長
跟領袖
酷，我是布萊斯
酷，很棒，你帶了嗎？
有，這是我爸的火腿電臺
但我自己有呼號
PXLOL
有的人聽到會笑我
你最遠通到哪裡？
星期五我通到…
俄亥俄州
把這些配在一起，能讓範圍加倍
好，你可以走了
走？等下
其他的人呢？
很可惜，我們大部份社員都得了…
健忘癥，忘記來了
三個月後下次集會見
你好，布萊斯 -嗨
一、二…
你差點弄錯了
嗨
喔耶
咻 -漂亮
這是凱勒，他也想加入
嗨，這帽子是怎麼回事？
我說了，集會延期，帶狀疹不是開玩笑的
你剛才說是健忘癥
天啊，對耶，它在擴散
快走，免得染上，掰 -這傢夥是怎麼回事？
兄弟，別這樣
他的父母剛去世
那是機密情報
身為社長，我在此…
是你弄的嗎？
嫑
本來就該這樣嗎？ -不，住手
喂…聽到了嗎？
讓我看啦 -別碰它
我看一下而已 -我得回覆
放手 -住手
不
又不是我的錯
我不是故意…
拜託
你這個低級、沒內涵
沒用的東西
啟動超新星轟炸
走開，你這個怪咖
別打了，住手 -他咬我
喂！你們在做什麼？
太離譜了
在海灘打架，還翹課
你要逼我給你戴追蹤器嗎？
還有你的眼睛
醫生說兩星期不能碰它
艾立歐
你是說現在開始喔
我是認眞的，你在想什麼？
我在做自己的事，在晚上透氣
那些混混卻突然攻擊我 -不…
看著我的眼睛，跟我說實話
對不起
不，我嫑學艾立歐語
一點也不行嗎？
索利斯少校
晚上會參加研習嗎？
有一位太空人甄選計畫的講師喔
不，不了
臨時有事
這是我們常聽到的侄兒嗎？
對，就是他
別鬧了
我不知道你在測試我的底線
還是睡眠倒退
哪一個是你？
不曉得，但我想這個是你
好吧，我剩最後一個會議
你給我坐在這裡
嫑動，別講話
十分鐘內別讓自己受傷
我要應付的事已經夠多了
怎麼要開緊急會議？
你沒聽說嗎？
魔馬克認為他發現了外星人
這下好玩了
好吧，魔馬克先生，說來聽聽
索利斯…
索利斯少校，今天稍早
我發現星際空間傳來的訊號
魔馬克，拜託
不早了 -等一下
註意聽
你好，行星地球
一九七七年，太空總署發射了…
金唱片 -金唱片，對
金什麼？ -金唱片，長官
可以說是地球的瓶中信
行星地球的兒童向您問好
懂了嗎？
你好，行星地球
我想星際空間裡有人發現我們的訊號
把它傳回來，當作回應
魔馬克 -少校
我們不能置之不理，我們得回答
我重新調整所有衛星路線，回傳訊號
有些系統可能會故障
抱歉，可能引發電線走火
但是，為了第一次接觸
全都値得
全部就緒可以啟動了，請下令
要是有人或東西在呼叫地球
你希望由誰來接這通呼叫？
你…
該回家了
放假一星期 -兩星期
不，你得相信我
少校，拜託，他們就在那邊
少校
放開我
容我提醒各位，我們是軌道分析師
我們追蹤太空碎片
不是無常的幽浮訊號
我們…
我們休息一下
大家都辛苦了
那個瘋子
我是行星地球的艾立歐索利斯
我沒有敵意
我超期待能加入你們
我有創意、勤奮
肌肉精實
請快來找我，我會等你們
好啦，掰，愛你喔
好耶
糟了
時間緊迫，他們隨時會來，我得収行李
我會負起所有責任
但你也有孩子吧？
我很快就不會煩你了，別擔心
我要帶零食在路上吃 -艾立歐
抱歉，你說什麼？
你最不會懷念哪種？酷辣？
酷辣，對 -我瞭解
帶叉子會被當成武器嗎？
不値得冒險，帶湯匙
和平無害的湯匙
我的披風呢？ -你也是
不在洗衣機裡吧？ -謝謝
在這裡 -艾立歐
藍或綠？哪件比較像「帶我走」
但又不會太誇張？
艾立歐，停，拜託
外星人不會來找你
但那個人說…
你已經失控了，你跟人打架
讓整個基地停電
我還差點丟了工作
我們得試別的辦法
寄宿學校？你想把我送走
不，這衹是他們的住宿營，幾週而已
我不能去，他們晚上要來
你得交朋友，就算一個也好
我不在乎朋友，我需要見外星人
為什麼？
因為外太空有五億個可居住的星球
一定有一個要我，因為你根本嫑我
我當然要，我們是家人
你不是我的家人
你的人生不在外太空，艾立歐
是在這裡
我應付不來
我不知道有誰應付得了
明天送他過去
看能不能讓他進秋季班
我知道
但這不是我預期中的生活
這是古老的人類課題
在每個文化、宗敎
民俗傳說、迷信中都能找到
現在科學中也有
在這個時代
尋找外星生命有驚人進展
因為這是第一次，除了猜測之外
我們還能採取行動
我們能送太空船到附近行星
用大型無線電望遠鏡
觀察最近有沒有訊息傳給我們
而且它觸及人類內心最關切的事
我們孤單嗎？
別撲過來…
其實我小時候也在這裡上課
你現在可能不相信
這對你有好處
杜魯曼輔導員，能談談嗎？
沒問題，少校
我們惹上那麼多麻煩
都是因為你
對，眞是謝囉
最好小心點 -對
他會嚇死的
聽我的指揮
安靜，安靜
我們不會傷害他吧？衹是嚇嚇他？
拜託，一定超好笑
閉嘴，你會吵醒他，快點
安靜，安靜
你好，地球人
我們沒有惡意
他跑去哪？
雅典娜五號，有一顆除役衛星飛過去
為你計算新的飛行路徑，稍候
請說，莫特茲
減五十三，加卅二，轉七
是，収到
抱歉嚇到你們
今天有很多人造衛星訊號干擾
瞭解，雅典娜五號，通話完畢
艾立歐
出來…不管你在哪 -艾立歐
不想跟我們玩嗎？ -你不是想見外星人？
來嘛，很好玩喔
他一定在附近
出來，太空男孩，我們知道你在那裡
（帶你的領袖來）
抓到了
你們找到我了
這是回敬你
別客氣，不用回敬我
等下，那是什麼？
希望你喜歡這味道
後面有東西
你看
你完蛋了，索利斯
慢著
等下
拜託
耶！
眞的，這是眞的
我就知道…
讚！
讚…
謝謝
太棒了
你好
我就知道外星人在找我，你救了我
我保證會在船上認眞工作
這是太空船嗎？從哪裡開始？
探測？採樣？
我準備好了
測試…
聽懂我說的話嗎？
懂，哇
很榮幸認識你
我是兀兀，液態超級電腦
讓我調整你的重力
不用…我沒事 -重力啟動
來杯葛羅補，共宇宙的迎賓飲料
謝謝
等下，什麼？
歡迎來到共宇宙
由宇宙先進物種組成的泛銀河組織
宇宙最聰明的物種來到這裡
分享知識與創新…
還有食譜
歡迎
歡迎 -太好了
各位大使好
能夠認識你眞是開心極了
你的杯子空了，我再幫你倒，朋友
謝謝
對，一個小腦，四個腦葉
還有延髓
介不介意我稍微偸窺一下裡面？
奎斯塔，別讀他的心，你們才剛認識
眞是不好意思
我是奎斯塔，來自郭姆
海利斯，來自法路維南
泰格曼，來自泰格梅格
你是…
艾立歐索利斯，來自ㄜ…地球
敬我們新的候選人，艾立歐索利斯
來自ㄜ地球
他來了 -艾立歐索利斯
看，是艾立歐
新的候選人
向你致敬
我好喜歡你的眼睛
我們在宇宙蒐尋
想法類似的生命和新物種
我們認為你是相當優秀的
共宇宙會員候選人
你是說我能待在這裡？
如果所有會員都同意的話，就可以
你將是我們一員
並且能驕傲地戴上這個
過來，大家都急著見你呢
我們每一個都帶來專門知識
和利益與大家分享
你好，納歐斯
你好，向你致敬
納歐斯發明了聯合圓碟
我們都用它來控制重力…
溫度
和所有已知的語言
你會艾立歐語？
即使是髒話
我不知道最後一個
你好 -你好
你好
這是我最新的設計，試試看
你好
我是萬用使用手冊
儲存了宇宙所有的秘密
生命的意義是什麼？
黑洞之外有什麼？有什麼用途…
誰打架會贏？
一隻拿球棒的大猩猩，還是十隻黑猩猩？
打架沒有眞正的贏家
是大猩猩
這些小傢夥是米莫路斯克
他們用奈米科技構成你想要的任何東西
開什麼玩笑？
好炫喔
這是我看過最漂亮的地方
這是洗手間
每次都害我笑
了不起
我好像註定該來這裡
我就知道你們在找我
我們當然在找你
從發現你派來的迷人小太空船開始
航海家號？
在一個小行星帶找到的
工藝很精巧
謝謝？
因為好奇是哪個物種打造它
我們發出邀請
很高興能収到你行星的正式回覆
我是行星地球的艾立歐索利斯
超期待能加入你們
我有創意、勤奮、肌肉精實
請快來找我，我會等你們
好啦，掰，愛你
非常動人 -我們很高興
總算能夠見到你
ㄜ地球的領袖
你的臉怎麼快融化了？
嗯… -各位大使
有緊急事件需要處理
與另一位候選人有關
他喔 -天啊
趕快去，動作快
失陪了
請一起來
你們的科技和我的武器
將是天下無敵的組合
現在，讓我加入共宇宙
非常可惜，怪鋼候選人
我們評估的結果是你…
不適合
我，怪鋼大君
海勒格血皇帝，不適合？
我們信奉容忍和開放的胸襟
我很容忍
抱歉，不是你的問題
是我們
不是說是他的問題嗎？
既然我不能加入共宇宙
那我就用武力霸佔
準備被我征服吧
好暴力啊
他怎麼新開了一個洞？
我提議趕快躱起來
對，我們逃到宇宙邊綠，關掉所有的燈
那包括我吧？
很抱歉，索利斯候選人
在目前的情況下
我們不太可能接納新的會員
會員申請無限期停止
我才剛來這裡耶 -眞可惜
過幾千年再看吧
也許有人能跟怪鋼大君談
你去 -我嫑
我害羞 -我很忙
我過敏 -我電量太低
放心，我會送你回ㄜ地球生活
就跟以前一樣
嫑…
我去
我是地球領袖
是最適合的人選
它說什麼？
眞奇怪 -我不明白
你願意跟怪鋼大君談？ -你要說什麼？
你是衝突談判的專家嗎？
開玩笑，我的人生除了衝突沒別的
這個戰鬥疤痕可以證明
遇到心懷不軌的惡霸不逃避
倒是個令人欣慰的改變
我們真的可以相信他嗎？
對啊，你有什麼好處？
為何同意接下這麼危險的任務？
因為…
你們需要我
而且以我的年紀，也該做出回報了
要是能讓怪鋼離開
我們馬上讓你成為會員
那我，地球領袖，準備效勞
很好 -眞令人佩服
勇氣可嘉 -太好了
索利斯候選人，你一再讓我們驚豔
等怪鋼回來，我們就會準備好
目前就像你們ㄜ地球說的
好啦，掰，我愛你
放心，沒問題
包在我身上
還有最後一件事
好，沒問題
當你跟那個軍頭談判時
需要一個暫時的替代者
方便採集你的脫氧核糖核酸樣本嗎？
好，你要從哪…
哇，第一次被戳
像您這樣的世界領袖不能憑空消失
你的星球會陷入混亂
這正是複製黏土的用處
這是…
你是…
我？
剪刀…
石頭…
黑洞
太空最棒 -太空最神奇
進去吧
抱歉
混口飯吃
那我的目標是什麼？
什麼意思？
我該改變什麼
還是一樣沒自尊，渴望別人的青睞？
什麼？我很正常，正常就好
別搞怪，好嗎？
好的 -好
好好玩
奇妙的ㄜ地球習俗，軍頭在等你
有幾件事我想複習一下
那個無所不知的東西呢？
這個嗎？
你好，我是萬用使用手冊
你想學習人生的意義嗎？它是…
我想知道如何跟好戰的軍頭談判
沒問題
這裡有幾章講同理心領導 -不是
培養關係？ -不是
達成殺手級交易？
對，就是它，你有筆嗎？
在這高死亡機率的事件中
要聯絡你在ㄜ地球上的家屬嗎？
不用了
從權力地位開始
最重要的就是保持冷靜
別叫我保持冷靜
這是什麼？宿營還是格鬥營？
他是個天眞的小男孩
如果這是你所謂的塑造性格
那我就去找你的老闆
或她的老闆，哪個老闆都行
讓人無法接受
我不該把你留在這裡的
對，他們因為我很弱小才追打我
不過晚餐吃披薩，算滿棒的一個晚上
眼睛怎麼了？腫起來了嗎？
他們打的嗎？ -沒事
眞抱歉我沒關心你
發生了很奇怪的事 -沒關係
我在追蹤一個奇怪的太空訊號…
要回家嗎？晚餐吃什麼？
乳酪通心粉
我以為你會有興趣
要是外星人從太空傳訊息來…
一早沿岸的雲霧…
艾立歐？
加普通還是白切達乳酪？我好餓
那你不想聊外星人？
不太想，以後別再提比較好
眞的嗎？
那…太好了
你想通了
我愛這首歌
看到他了嗎？
有，他帶了他的…
同袍
太好了
好，要有自信，講話的姿態要有力
他來了
他來了，在那裡
關鍵人物到了
抱歉遲到了
怪鋼大君會來嗎？
不，是你要去那裡
好啦，掰，愛你
這是什麼？
紅色？綠色？
歡迎，索利斯船長
你已選好座標地圖
艙壓，防護罩功能
一杯營養奶昔，一塊薄荷糖
一個膀胱排空模組
他找到薄荷糖了
你已將我們的目的地設定為你的母星
ㄜ地球
確認或取消？
祝你好運
取消
好，好
往左邊一點
手放在十點和兩點鐘方向
他表現得好英勇
嗨，帶我去見你們的領袖？
好，看著他的眼睛，立場堅定
你是老大，你最殺，你…
這就是共宇宙派來的人？
你個子比我預期的還要矮小
我對你也有同感
什麼？
你要如何才能放過共宇宙？
海勒格人談判時喜歡空中有尖叫聲
發射
後座力有點大
換你了
可惡，我把手臂加農砲放在家
那我們就…
用我的
你眞好心
我是說，我們都是領袖
發射
相信能找到對大家都有利的…
辦法
耍特技喔
也許我們能溝通…發射！
但那些共宇宙的弱雞
卻把我當成怪物
他們竟敢拒絕我
如果他們嫑你
那你何不找別人?
再說一次？
一定有什麼地方
很樂意有你這麼強大的夥伴
共宇宙不是最偉大領袖聚集的地方嗎？
我不偉大嗎？
當然
但何必浪費時間跟不懂你的人打交道？
該往前看了
對吧，老鋼？
老鋼？
渥扣，什麼事？
陛下，王子想要見您
偏偏挑…跟他說我在忙
剛才我們說到，別管共宇宙…
你也為人父親吧？
是啊
這實在太難了
他不瞭解我的工作有多麼重要
我懂，要是他太難應付，就把他送走
我就是這麼做的
太難應付？
我是說…
你認為我應付不了我的兒子嗎？
不…我不認為…
不，眞的，告訴我哪裡做錯了
沒關係，我也不是好父親
什麼？
我們都不知道自己在做什麼
我們根本不想這樣，對吧？
讓我提醒你，你眼前的是誰
我是怪鋼，海勒格血皇帝
蟹狀星雲的惡夢，也是偉大的父親
發射
好，不然我們稍微喘口氣…
談判結束了，葛隆克
帶犯人到他的牢房
犯人？什麼？
你會在牢房裡
看我摧毀你心愛的共宇宙
不，等下
他眞的像變了一個人
艾立歐 -吉姆，你的背還好嗎？
老樣子 -我瞭解
宿營眞的有幫助
應該是吧
可是他衹去了一天
聽說上校對你讚不絕口呢
眞的嗎？
對，你工作那麼認眞
太好了，我以為我會永遠黑下去
大家都超級佩服你
等下，拜託，你們弄錯了
我是地球的領袖
重力…關閉
夠了，恢復重力
好，回去找怪鋼，我有什麼沒試過？
「談判籌碼」？貴重的東西嗎？
我去哪裡找…
你好
我還小不能死…
我還小不能死
怎麼回事？怎麼回事？
翻譯碟，酷
你要吃掉我嗎？ -什麼？
我把你捆起來，因為你好像很害怕
我害怕時我媽都這麼做
我很少沒被綑著
你衹是個小孩
所以呢？沒必要這麼沒禮貌
不…回來
我不是在笑你
我叫艾立歐
你叫什麼名字？
你想知道我的名字嗎？
我眞的很想下去
我是登登，沒有人問過我的名字
我是常常問很多問題
卻沒人問關於我的問題
像我最愛什麼顏色
是紫色，你問的話，你想問嗎？
你怎麼了？那衹是我的甲殼
什麼？ -我讓你看
鏘鏘
每個海勒格人長大後都有一副
它有武器和炸彈等等
還有杯架
是訂做的
要是海勒格人脫掉盔甲，就像你這樣？
對，但沒人會那麼做
露出柔軟溫暖的身體
會讓你和整個家族丟臉一輩子
我等不及要穿上
看起來一定超帥
警告，有一名犯人逃跑
糟了 -他們說的是你嗎？
複雜的政治狀況，你不會懂的
你是背骨的異議份子嗎？ -他在哪？
檢查每個房間 -你是刺客嗎？
你們兩個跟我走 -你做了什麼？
遵命!
說嘛，我很會保守秘密喔
這裡沒有，長官 -繼續找
那個秘密就是…
我是個小孩子
什麼？眞的嗎？
嗯
我呼攏共宇宙
什麼？
不會吧，你瘋了
我知道，現在怪鋼要轟炸所有人
除非我能找到談判籌碼
他重視的東西，可是他重視什麼？
爸重視鮮血、榮耀
折磨他的敵人
有一次… -等下
怪鋼是你爸？
我以為你知道，我長得很像他
註意看
我一直在鍛練我的背
能不能請你幫我一個大忙？
好啊
談判籌碼，酷
我從來沒當過談判籌碼
我當過累贅、沒出息的小子
丟臉弟 -快到我的船了嗎？
不遠了，我還當過枕頭、一個謎
麻煩鬼、頭痛人物
請幫忙
最近都沒人理我
但現在我爸終於得註意我了
你的爸媽有關心你嗎？
我的歐嘉姑姑不管我
沒有我礙事，她就能做想做的事
像當太空人之類的
她為了你放棄當太空人之類的嗎？
哇，她一定很愛你
不，她才不愛
但是現在我能加入共宇宙
反正那才是我的歸屬
所以這時你能上場囉
談判籌碼
扭，扭
索利斯候選人？抱歉打擾你
海勒格人的飛船
似乎用大砲對著我們
這也是談判的一部份嗎？
那衹是演習，別擔心
扭
快點
這些通道是做什麼用的？
這些是熔岩通道，為大砲提供動力
登登，我不防火
是嗎？怎麼不早點說？ -登登
沒事啦，進來我嘴巴就好
什麼？嫑
相信我
裡面其實滿舒服的
是喔？我沒進去過，抓好囉
耶
清涼暢快
你還好嗎？
很好
放我下去
謝了，登登
沒什麼，擊掌
要飛多久？船上有零食嗎？
是索利斯候選人，相信他帶來了好消息
小心
我好興奮…
索利斯候選人？ -出了什麼事？
兀兀，幫我聯絡怪鋼大君
好的 -這位是誰？
是誰該負責…
你 -對
是我，地球領袖
這場談判還沒有結束
因為，現在我有這個
天啊
登登？
對，而且他很快就會變登出
爸，我是談判籌碼
不對，講另外一句
救我，父親，他壓制了我
他太強壯、太有力了
給我安靜
這是什麼不祥的聲音？停，停
除非你…
用海勒格人的榮譽發誓
放過共宇宙，永遠不再回來
我海勒格人的榮譽？
知道你在要求什麼嗎？我要…
停
我認輸
我用我的榮譽發誓
你可眞令我吃驚
我答應你
我會來接我的兒子
不過衹要他身上少一根寒毛
我絕對饒不了你
做得好，就知道你有本事
謝謝
我巴不得事情快結束
正式歡迎你加入我們的行列
我正在為你製作專屬的會員徽章
喜歡這個顏色嗎？
好漂亮
你當之無愧
但我們先為怪鋼大君來臨做準備
來，夥伴們，動作快
你們先去，我來照顧談判籌碼
非常好，索利斯候選人
有誰認識不錯的外燴？
成功了
對，剛才你好酷
你還好嗎？
我從來沒到外面來過
這地方好冷
哇，這個東西好神奇
看著，重力關閉
重力關閉
這樣就叫酷？過來
陛下，接駁船備好了，要出發嗎？
不，還沒
王子被俘虜是因為他容易受傷
無防備，軟弱
準備他的甲殼
那得花點時間，陛下…
快去！我們到共宇宙為登登辦儀式
他們將在海勒格的威力下瑟瑟發抖
好了嗎？ -好了
還沒
好，好了
數到三
一、二
二點五 -二點五
三
再一次？ -好，再一次
數到三 -一、二
耶！
不對
帥喔
所以地球人都說艾立歐語嗎？
沒有，衹有我
跟我爸媽
至少，他們以前會說
我姑姑沒興趣
但我還是會說，免得忘記
你父母出了什麼事嗎？
對
眞遺憾
我知道不一樣，但我媽常常不在
去打血仗
我好想她
有時感覺我爸根本嫑我
我懂你的意思
世上唯一要我的人已經走了
但是…不曉得
萬一…
萬一我根本沒優點讓人想要呢？
我以為有問題的是地球
可是…如果問題在我呢？
我喜歡你
你看起來人不錯
他帶了你的甲殼來
大概吧
那是好事吧？
對，它有火焰槍、圓鋸、強酸槍
我能打鬥、征服和殺人…
登登
你不想穿上你的甲殼嗎？
想，有一點…
不想，不想
我一直假裝想穿，但我是在騙自己
一旦穿上，我就不能玩耍或游泳
做任何事
那會很慘
那你怎麼都不說呢？
因為海勒格人都得這麼做
那是傳統
不這麼做
我爸會恨我
登登，你不能穿上它
可是我沒有選擇
我們想辦法
還沒想出來，但…
等下
什麼？
我們要做什麼？
給你爸他要的
我？
對，但也不是
複製黏土？你確定嗎？
有何不可?
不曉得，複製人能騙過我爸嗎？
他滿聰明的
一定可以，我來證明
兀兀？兀兀？
是？ -能看我的複製人嗎？
當然可以
好香啊，親愛的
是秘密配方
你一定喜歡
你怎麼做什麼都這麼棒？
哇，眞的有效欸
好吧，就這麼辦
對
你爸會帶你的複製人回海勒格
我會成為大使
我們倆都不用再看到海勒格
或討厭的地球了
那樣就是三贏
讚
我是登登
哇，我肌肉有這麼結實嗎？
你，跟我們走
沒問題
這裡很安全，別人打不開
好，登登，上船吧
好
我分不出來了
讚
說眞的，哪個是眞的？
我
待在裡面，嫑出聲
我馬上回來
走吧
你長得好像，我根本分不出來
我根本分不出來
就是啊
誰知道優格跟奶油一樣好吃
膽固醇卻少一半
眞是完美
我來幫你収
謝謝你
我要上床睡覺了
好啊，不過先過來一下，小鬼
晚安
怎麼…
嗨，我們應該聊聊
我的下一項絕招，想一個數字
等下
好，想好了
是…
不曉得我們還能拖多久
索利斯候選人在哪裡？
相信他馬上就到了
我感應到的數字是
七 -什麼？
答對了 -夠了
我的兒子在哪？
在這裡，他在這裡
爸爸
他沒拋棄我們 -他來了
謝天謝地
怪鋼大君，我們帶登登王子回來給您
兒子，他有沒有傷害你？
沒有，所有人都超好的
你準備成為全宇宙
最偉大的戰爭機器了嗎？
讓敵人一看到你就瑟瑟發抖？
證明你是最厲害的…
對，開始吧
其實我還沒說完
不過，開始進行吧
喔耶
見證海勒格的力量
見證
好精彩 -了不起
沒錯
既然你們說話算話
我也會遵守承諾離開這裡
永遠不回來
海勒格人，撤退
索利斯候選人，你做到了
做得好
好出色的標本
你還好嗎，兒子？
對，我等不及要發動無數戰爭
掠奪沒價値的東西，讓黑夜壟罩…
我有榮幸加入共宇宙嗎？
是我們的榮幸才對，索利斯候選人
或許應該叫你，索利斯大使
你是我們一份子了
我喜歡你 -歡迎
是個複製人
我的兒子在哪？
可是…
你怎麼知道？
當父親的永遠會知道
你，讀他的心
查出眞相
不
放開我
非常抱歉
不
不…拜託，嫑
什麼？你看到什麼？
你兒子在一艘外交船上，在停泊區
部隊出動
還要布丁嗎，艾立歐？
謝謝你，登登
艾立歐？
你已選好座標地圖
頸枕、護唇膏、一塊薄荷糖
目的地？
ㄜ地球
確認或取消？
什麼？確認？
兀兀，打開地球時空門
你要做什麼？
你自己說，還是我說？
拜託嫑
他不是地球領袖
他什麼領袖都不是
他衹是
一個孩子
什麼？ -不會吧
我不懂 -不
她錯了
我是地球領袖
我還是能幫忙
拜託，讓我留下來
他不在那裡
什麼？ -可是我看到他了
我們跟你一樣驚訝
全抓起來
現在共宇宙由海勒格人掌控
別碰我
我們想辦法解決
是他的錯，不是我們
騙子！叛徒！懦夫！
走，快走
眞對不起
你做的夠多了
不！
把這裡拆了，找到我兒子
不
別丟下我
拜託
我來拿
謝了，孩子
糟糕，我忘了…
我知道是什麼，馬上回來 -謝謝
你找不到喔？那些丟給我
拜託
爛手電筒
抱歉
你還好嗎？
不好，我覺得我瘋了
我在海灘上，想要聯絡…
我不知道是什麼
我…
覺得好…
孤單
你不會懂的
其實
我懂
沒想到你會想我
我想你
我想念你的點點滴滴
但這不是你要的生活
我唯一想要的
是你
歐嘉姑姑
嘿，你回來了
基地那邊出事了
等下，那是我的太空船
登登在裡面 -誰？
我朋友
你交了朋友？ -帥喔
對，他需要我們幫忙
你有通行證吧？
不能用在這上面
一定有辦法進去
好，我想想
如果不需要我，我要開始分解程序了
盡管把我撒在植物上，當作肥料
等一下
他們有說是什麼嗎？
沒說，但全域異常現像解析辦公室來了
太空總署也在路上
是外星人嗎？
小綠人嗎？別說你相信那種事
誰在那裡？
是個孩子
嘿，你不該來這裡
可以幫我嗎？
我覺得不太舒服
把它抓走
碰到我嘴巴啦
怎麼酸酸的？
我也沾到了
救命啊
謝謝你的壯烈犧牲
登登
那是你朋友？
艾立歐？
你怎麼在這裡？
怎麼沒聽我的話別亂跑？
對不起
我不小心發動了飛船
登登…
他生病了嗎？ -他的圓碟壞了
這裡對他來說太冷了
嘿！
手舉起來，離開樣本旁邊
我說退開，快
你學會艾立歐語了？
數到三時，把你的冰淇淋丟掉
冰淇淋？
喂，你在說什麼？
冰淇淋！冰淇淋！
安全帽
你是說＠％ -閉嘴！
三！
開船
我的天啊
這眞的…
我的天啊
登登，撐住，歐嘉，你來開
怎麼開？ -拜託
客座機師，歡迎
把夾克給我
眞對不起，登登，都是我的錯
你放心
我會送你回家的
飛船，送我們到共宇宙
超高速無法使用，路徑受阻
什麼？根本沒障礙啊
我說「超高速無法使用，路徑受阻」
不會吧
怎麼了？
我們在太空碎片帶
快離開這裡 -不
這些物體比子彈還快 -這就是你的工作啊
那是在地面上
我不知道碎片會從哪來
我需要高度、速度…
要是能跟地面的人聯絡就好了
可是基地封鎖了
也許找火腿電臺玩家之類的，眞是的
艾立歐？
兄弟，那個幽浮一定是眞的
要是他們來找食物，但衹吃倉鼠呢？
我沒意見喔
PXLOL，請回答
PXLOL，回答
喂？這是PXLOL
布萊斯
我是艾立歐
索利斯？
之前的事很抱歉
凱勒有時就是個屁孩
沒關係，我也是個屁孩
你也許不相信，我們在外星人飛船上
那是你？
天啊，好多無線電在講這個
就是我們，我們正要穿越太空碎片
但需要知道它從哪來…
你數學好嗎？物理？你的物理好嗎？
布萊斯，我眞的需要你幫忙
拜託
我對太空碎片一竅不通
但我知道誰懂
他是我無線電群組的傳奇
老大，空中之眼，他叫…
魔馬克報到
我來接手，PXLOL
艾立歐，你最好平安回來，好嗎？
過程我再跟你講
謝謝魔馬克，我欠你一個大…
沒關係，少校
火腿大師一定出手相救
我帶你們穿過碎片帶
我正在登入系統，準備好
我們需要一個固定目標
獵戶座腰帶
太棒了，往它開過去
準備閃避 -好
飛船，你能投射一個網格嗎？
魔馬克，都準備好了
快點，趁我們還能通訊
好，大型火箭體
高度四百零七公里
速度七點六六
収到
那裡
哪裡？我沒看到
拉回就對了，快
另一個，七百八十八公里，速度七點四六
爬昇，快 -収到
火腿發威了
你做得很棒
魔馬克，繼續通報
少校，你快脫離通訊範圍了
留在這個頻率上
留在…頻率…
魔馬克？魔馬克？
防護率百分之八十
登登
有人在嗎？
拜託，有人嗎？求救…請回答…
防護率百分之六十
防護率百分之卌一
防護率百分之廿三
求救…請回答…
喂？ -防護率百分之十六
有人在嗎？
有人聽到了嗎？
塞內加爾
你好，這是塞內加爾的火腿大師
是，収到了
大型碎片在一千三百公里，速度七點二
拉回，用力
謝謝，謝謝
火腿大師為你效勞
我是意大利的茱麗亞
實在太棒了
兩千皕廿四公里，速度六點八一 -往右
這是亞美尼亞的阿娜許
速度六點七五 -右
祝福你
這是孟買的維克蘭 -爬昇
碎片在兩千七百五十三公里
速度六點六一 -左
這是越南的黃 -速度六…
你們可以的 -不會有事的
你們不孤單 -加油
加油… -加油，孩子
繼續前進 -快到了
還有一個，快…
哪邊？ -不知道
路徑清空
登登？
啟動超高速
幫幫我們，拜託
艾立歐 -登登，不
放開我
登登
登登，醒醒
不
我不能也失去你
嫑
給我解釋清楚
我不能
告訴他
他愛你
看他多希望你回來
我不想成為戰爭機器
你已經知道了？
對
我也許不完全瞭解你
但我依然愛你
綑得有點鬆，我的手沒有你媽那麼巧
你綑得很棒
我從來沒說過這句話
但是我很抱歉
釋放他們
恭喜你，索利斯大使
可是我騙了你們
然後你犧牲自己去救別人
你的表現跟眞正的行星領袖一樣
令人欽佩
你也帶來和平
最後成功了
這是你自己爭取到的
我能留下來？
讚…
太好了
我們能天天一起玩
這個地方很神奇
但地球才是…
我的家
我沒給它機會
但現在
我想試看
跟你
你確定嗎？
我們是一家人
這不是再見
時機還沒到
我們瞭解
你很獨特，來自地球的艾立歐
獨特有時感覺像孤單
但是你並不孤單
好啦
掰
我愛你
好啦，掰，我愛你
我也愛你
我們回家吧
這個古老的人類課題
在每個文化、宗敎
民俗傳說、迷信中都能找到
現在科學中也有
在這個時代
尋找外星生命有驚人進展
因為這是第一次，除了猜測之外
我們還能採取行動
我們能送太空船到附近行星
用大型無線電望遠鏡觀察
最近有沒有訊息傳給我們
而且它觸及人類內心最關切的事
我們孤單嗎？
請沒走開，還有彩蛋！
登登，你的圓碟沒開
喔，抱歉
好，把所有的事都告訴我
（感謝艾立歐團隊的親友）
（謝謝你們帶我們回家）