大家好 Hello.
我是安迪… I am Andy...
謝謝大家來觀看我的電影 and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie.
我本來希望它精彩一點 I wish it was better, you know,
但… 它是如此的乏味 but... it is so stupid.
糟透了，我自己也不喜歡 It's terrible. I-I do not even like it.
我生命裡最重要的事… All of the most important things in my life...
都改變了… a-a-are changed around and mixed up...
為了… for, um...
戲劇 uh, dramatic purposes.
所以… So...
我決定剪掉… I decided to cut out...
所有的廢話 all of the baloney.
現在電影斷多了 Now the movie is much shorter.
其實 In fact,
這…是結尾 this... is the end of the movie.
謝謝大家 Thank you very much.
我是認真的 I am not fooling.
再見 Good-bye.
Go.
你們還在這 Wow. You're still here.
好 O-kay!
我希望你們耐心點 I hope you're not upset.
我那樣做是為了排除那些… 不理解我的人… I did that to get rid of those folks who just... wouldn't understand me...
我甚至不想試 and don't even want to try.
事實上， 這部電影真的很精彩 Actually, the movie is really great.
裡面有形形色色的人物 It's just filled with colorful characters,
就像我已經拍的 和正在拍的片 like the one I just did and the one I'm doing now.
我們的故事開始了… Our story begins...
讓我們回到古老的島嶼 back in Great Neck, Long Island.
這是我的家 This is our house.
那是我爸爸的老車 And that's my father's old car.
那是我爸爸 That's my father.
那是我的小弟弟邁克爾 That's my little brother Michael.
那是我的小妹妹卡羅爾 That's my little sister Carol.
- 那是我媽媽 - 賈尼斯? - And that's my mom. - Janice?
安迪在房間裡嗎? Andy's up in his room?
在 Yeah.
伯爾先生說凱特夫 把他的頭砍掉了 Mr. Bear is saying that Mrs. Cat made his head fall off.
她看見了，這不是真的 She saw it And it's not true.
今天的嘉賓,伯爾先生 Today's special guest, Mr. Bear.
- 怎麼了，伯爾先生？ - 安迪？ - What's up, Mr. Bear? - Andy?
兒子，不要再鬧了 Son, this has got to stop.
我們的家不是電視台 Our house is not a television station.
牆上沒有照相機 There's not a camera in that wall.
這上不行的 你應該到外面去演 I mean, this is not healthy. You should be outside playing sports.
可我有自己的演播室 But I have my own sports show.
安迪, 你知道我不是這個意恩 Andy, you know that's not what I meant.
看，我把腳放下去 就沒地方演了 Look, I'm gonna put my foot down. No more playing alone.
- 要表演，你必須有觀眾 - 他們在那邊 - You want to perform, you have got to have an audience. - They're right there!
那不是觀眾 那是石灰膏 That is not an audience. That is plaster.
觀眾是由活著的 會呼吸的人組成的 An audience is made of people, people who live and breathe.
安迪·考夫曼和霍迪在場… Andy Kaufman and Howdy Doody present...
「動物歌」！ "The Animal Song"!
我唱動物，你告訴我是什麼 I'm gonna say the animal, and then you tell me what it says.
- 好嗎？ - 好的 - Okay? - Okay.
- Oh, the cow goes... - Moo.
- And the cat goes... - Meow! Meow!
And the bird goes...
- Tweet, tweet. - Tweet, tweet!
And the lion goes...
Roar!
- And the dog goes - Ruff.
- And the cat goes - Meow.
- And the bird goes - Tweet.
- And the pig goes - Oink.
And that's the way it goes
- 安迪·考夫曼的喜劇風格 - 謝謝 - The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman. - Thank you.
比薩曼先生, 明天同樣演出嗎? So, Mr. Besserman, same spot tomorrow?
我不知道,安迪, 我想我得讓你走了 I don't know, Andy. I think I have to let you go.
你要解雇我? You're firing me?
你… 甚至不付我錢 You... You don't even pay me.
我不想被人侮辱 你只是個業餘者 I don't want to seem insulting, but your act is like amateur hour.
六年來你只會唱歌 像傀儡一樣缺乏趣味 You're doing sing alongs for six-year-olds and puppets that aren't funny.
- 放錄音帶? - 但那完全是原唱 - Playing records? - But it's totally original.
沒人那樣做過 我跟其它人不一樣 No one's ever done it. I'm not like everyone else.
其它人把這當餐廳 Well, everybody else gets this place cookin'.
我認為這就是個餐廳 那邊的那個人真是亂來 I thought it was cooking. There was a man over here that was really upset.
他大叫一聲 很多人中場離開了 He stormed out, and a lot of other people left in the middle of your act.
- 我的酒席賣不出去… - 這不是喜劇 也不是藝術 - I can't sell booze... - It's not about comedy. It's not about art.
- 是有關我的酒席 - 當你唱歌時,我賣不出去酒席 - It's about booze. - I can't sell booze when you're singing "Pop Goes the Weasel."
- 就是這個問題 - 我在這做生意 - That's all that matters. - I'm running a business here.
是娛樂生意， 娛樂生意，娛樂生意 It's show business. Show business. Show business.
,沒有生意,哪來娛樂 Without the business, there's no show.
- 沒場地給你演出 - 你要我怎麼做? - There's no show for you. - Wh-What do you want me to do?
- 「請帶走我的妻子」? - 至少要有個玩笑 試試開一些玩笑 - "Take my wife, please"? - At least it's a joke. Try some jokes.
象「為什麼連體嬰兒去英國?」 Like, "Why did the Siamese twins go to England?"
我不知道,為什麼他們去英國? I don't know. Why did they go to England?
所以有人就會編故事 So the other one could drive.
可是他們為什麼知道怎麼編呢 But why doesn't the other one just learn how to drive?
也許你不擅長這個 Whew. Maybe that one isn't for you.
編一些感人的交通故事 But do jokes about the traffic, do impressions,
也許還有些悲傷的素村 maybe some blue material.
謝謝大家，晚上好 Thank you very much. Goodnight!
現在 Now?
現在 Now.
謝謝大家 Thank you very much.
我不喜歡… One thing I do not like...
擁擠的交通 is too much traffic.
你們知道? You know?
今晚我必須來… Tonight I had to come...
從… from... uh...
從高速公路 A-And the freeway,
路上交通很擁擠 it-it was so much traffic.
我花了一個半小時才到這 I-It took me an hour and a half to get here.
可是… 可… But... But...
談起糟糕的事… talking about the terrible things...
我妻子… 拿我妻子來說 My wife... take my wife. Please take her.
Ugh.
不 No.
不,我只是開玩笑 No. I am only fooling.
我… 我愛我的妻子 I... I-I love my wife,
但她不知道怎麼做飯 but she don't know how to cook.
她的手藝不好 Her cooking is so bad.
- 很糟糕 - 不 - It's terrible. - No.
現在我- 我想… Now I-I would like to...
我想為你們… I would like to do for you...
模仿一下 the imitations.
我想從… I would like to start...
吉米·卡特開始 with the... the Jimmy Carter.
美國總統 The president of the United States.
大家好,我是吉米·卡特 Hello, I am Jimmy Carter,
美國總統 the president of the United States.
天哪 God!
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
現在我要為你們… And now I would like to do for you...
表演… the...
埃爾維斯·普雷斯 the Elvis Presley.
Well, it's one for the money two for the show three to get ready
Now go, cat, go Now, don't you
Step on my blue suede shoes
Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
Let's go, cat!
巴德,這傢伙是哪裡人 Budd, what's the story with this guy?
他來自立陶宛 I think he's from Lithuania.
Oh, blue, blue blue suede shoes
Baby, blue, blue blue suede shoes, honey
Blue, blue blue suede shoes, baby
Blue, blue blue suede shoes
You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
Oh, well we were dancin'
We were dancin'
To the jailhouse rock
All right!
Whoo!
謝謝 Thank you very much.
嗨,我真的很欣賞你的表演 Hey, I really enjoyed your set.
我沒有讓你吃驚吧 我很喜歡你在那邊的表演 I didn't mean to startle you. I really liked what you did out there.
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
我知道你來自立陶宛 So I understand you're from Lithuania.
我來自裡海 No, I am from Caspiar.
裡海? Caspiar, huh?
那裡是裡海的一個小島 It is a very small island in the Caspian Sea.
陷下去了 It sunk.
哦,對不起 Oh, I'm sorry. Uh...
我可能搞錯了 Look, uh, I'm probably out of my mind,
但我覺得你很有趣 but I think you're very interesting,
如果你需要什麼條件 我們可以談談 and if you ever need representation, we should talk.
好的 Okay.
夏皮羅先生 "George Shapiro." Mr. Shapiro.
Wow.
- 這是我的榮幸先生 - 裡海? - It is an honor, sir. - Caspiar, huh?
我想成為世界上最好的名星 I wanna be the biggest star in the world.
人們喜歡喜劇演員 Well, people love comedians.
我不是喜劇演員， 也不會搞笑 I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes.
我不知道什麼是好笑,我是個歌舞演員 I don't even know what's funny. I'm a song-and-dance man.
謝謝 - Oh, yeah. - Thank you.
我特別提議蓮藕 Uh, I particularly suggest the lotus root.
可是,你… Um, but y-y-you, uh,
你知道,你承諾了很多 you know, you show a lot of promise.
我關心的是 我不知道讓你在哪演出 And my concern is I don't know where to book you.
你不是喜劇演員 You're not a stand-up, and, uh,
你的表演不會拍成電影,所以… your act doesn't exactly translate itself to film, so...
Um...
所以你幫幫我 你自己想去哪裡 So help me. Where do you see yourself?
我一直想在卡內基音樂堂演出 Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall.
真好笑 That's funny.
我不想得到廉價的笑聲 See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs.
我想得到知名人士的認可 I want real gut reactions.
我想要有見識的觀眾 I want the audience to have gone through an experience.
他們愛我,恨我,離開都可以 They love me, they hate me, they walk out. It's all great.
- 安迪,你這有個東西 - Andy, you got a little something... - Hmm?
Oh.
當我出名了 我會賣掉他們 When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these,
因為是安迪用過的 as worn by Andy Kaufman.
這個給你 You can have this one.
因為是我鼻子上的值很多錢 It's probably gonna be worth a lot 'cause it was actually up my nose.
你神經病 You're insane!
也許你很聰明 But you might also be brilliant.
喂,我是喬治·夏皮羅 Hello. George Shapiro here.
…是喬治·夏皮羅嗎? Uh... yeah! Is this George Shapiro ?
- 是的，請講 - 好的 - Yeah, speaking. - Speaking!
煙霧瀰漫， 嘰嘰喳喳，捉摸不定 Reeking, seeking, creaking. Freaking!
有人告訴我 我不知道的事 Big freaking deal! Tell me something I don't know, toadstool!
我能幫你嗎? Can I help you with something?
你離安迪·考夫曼遠點 這樣對你有好處 Yeah, you can stay away from Andy Kaufman, if you know what's good for you.
- 機軸 - 是誰? - Crankshaft! - Who is this?
不要歪曲我的話 玩具獅子狗 Do not twist my noodle, toy poodle!
是克利夫頓,一個受尊敬的名字 一個畏懼的名字 This is Tony Clifton, a name to respect, a name to fear!
- 考夫曼是個騙子 他是個神經病 - Kaufman is a lying bastard. He is a psychopath!
現在慢慢地睜開你的眼睛 Now slowly open your eyes.
你應該感到輕鬆 You should feel rested, relaxed and alert.
謝謝你,師博 Uh, I would like to thank you, Your Holiness.
我的心在釋放出活力 My heart is radiating pure energy.
- 好的… - 不，等等 - Okay... - Oh, no. Wait.
等等… - 抱歉 Wait. Uh... I'm sorry.
我有個問題請敦 Uh, I have a question.
有… Is there...
成為滑稽人物有秘訣嗎? Is there a secret to being funny?
有 Yes.
沉默 Silence.
歡迎回到星期六夜生活 Welcome back to Saturday Night Live.
作為我們晚會的第一個節目 And now, as a special treat on our first show,
有請我們的嘉賓安迪·考夫曼 musical guest Andy Kaufman!
這傢伙怎麼了 What's wrong with this guy?
氣氛死板 This is dead air.
Band]
Mr. Trouble never hangs around
When he hears this mighty sound
- Here I come to save the day
That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way
Yes, sir, when there is a wrong to right
Mighty Mouse will join the fight
On the sea or on the land
He gets the situation well in hand
So though we are in danger we never despair
'Cause we know that where there's danger he is there
- He is there on the land, on the sea
In the air
- We're not worrying at all
We're just listening for his call
- Here I come to save the day
That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way
考夫曼先生? - Mr. Kaufman? - Hmm? Oh.
這邊請 Hi. Right this way, please.
- 好的 - 喬治找你 - Okay. - George is expecting you.
嗨,安迪 Hey, Andy.
嗨 Hey.
- 謝謝你賞臉 - 謝謝你，喬治 - Thanks for coming out. - Oh, thank you, George.
過來,坐呀 - Come on, sit down. - Um, oh.
- 坐那裡? - 哪裡都可以 - Wow, they're... Which one? - Either one.
- 都是紅的 - 是 - They're both red. - Yeah.
坐這個吧 This one, I guess.
- 路上還好嗎? - 還好 - So did you have a nice flight? - I-I did.
路途非常偷快 女乘務員非常漂亮 I had a really good flight, and the stewardess was very, very nice.
她允許我帶耳機 And she allowed me to keep my headphones.
那很好啊 - Oh, that's terrific! - Yep. Mm-hmm.
安迪,我有更好的想法 Andy, I got something better.
- 是嗎? - 是的 - You do? - Yeah.
這很重要 This is big.
好的 Okay.
- 好的? - 好的 - Okay? - Okay.
你有個絕好的機會 You are getting a once-in-a-lifetime,
非常有利的機會… very lucrative opportunity...
在黃金時間演網絡連續劇 to star on a prime time network sitcom!
- 連續劇? - 是的 - A sitcom? - Yeah.
這是個很好的劇本 And this is a class act.
故事發生在 一個出租車招呼站裡 It all takes place in a taxi stand.
你演弗洛茲。 And you're gonna be the Fonzie.
我是…弗洛茲? I'm... Fonzie?
不,不,不 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.
弗洛茲， 是個瘋狂的人物… The Fonzie, the crazy, breakout character...
他模仿各種好笑的動作 who all the kids imitate,
他們把他放在午餐盒裡 and they put him on the lunch boxes.
- 我不喜歡連續劇,喬治 我從來就不喜歡他們 - 等等 - I hate sitcoms, George. I've never liked them. - Hold on.
- 這些傢伙見過你的另一面 - 是嗎? - These guys have seen your foreign man character. - Yeah?
他們想把他變成… And they wanna turn him...
一個可愛的傻技工… into a lovable, goofy mechanic...
名叫… named...
拉特卡 Latka.
- 不行 - 不行? - Uh, no. - No?
- 不行 - 哪裡不行? - No. - No to which part?
都不行,聽起來不爽 No to the whole thing. It doesn't sound good to me.
- 安迪,這是每個喜劇演員的夢想 - 我不是喜劇演員 - Andy, this is every comedian's dream! - I'm not a comedian.
連續劇在娛樂表演中不受歡迎 A-And sitcoms are the lowest form of entertainment.
我是說,它只是… I mean, it's just...
乏味的玩笑和錄製好的笑聲 stupid jokes and canned laughter!
你不知道為什麼一下在這 一下在那 And you don't know why it's there, but it's there.
都是呆滯人的笑聲 你知道嗎？ 那些人很木訥 It's dead people laughing. Did you know that? Those people are dead!
這是… 這是很好的劇本 This is... This is classy.
我不在乎 I-I don't care.
我想寫我自己的素材 I-I wanna generate my-my own material.
聽我說 Look, I-listen. Listen to me.
我做這個生意20年了 Look, I've been in this business for 20 years!
我明白,我熟悉這行 I know. I've seen this! I know this.
如果你錯過了這個機會 If you pass up this opportunity,
就不會再有這樣的機會了 you will never, never see another one like it again.
永遠不會 Never!
是的 Yeah.
- 好,我答應 - Okay. I'll do it. - Ah.
- 可我有條件 - 當然可以 - But I have some terms. - Oh, sure.
一切都好商談 That's... That's what negotiations are all about.
- 你在幹什麼? - 在寫我的條件 - What are you doing? - I'm writing out my terms.
你跟我開什麼玩笑? Wh... What, are you making fun of me?
- 那些是我的條件 - 這很荒唐 - Those are my terms. - Th-This is ridiculous.
這是我需要的 我需要這來演出 It's what I need. It's what I need to do the show.
這是什麼? 上面說「保證給托尼·克利夫頓四場演出」 Wh-What is this? It says, "Four guaranteed guest spots for Tony Clifton."
- 誰是托尼·克利夫頓? - 是維加斯的一個歌唱家 - Who's Tony Clifton? - He's a Vegas lounge singer.
我以前對他印象很深 And, um, I used to do impressions of him,
我們打過一次架 and we sort of got into a fight over it.
- 這個托尼·克利夫頓給我打電話了 - 他給你打電話了? - This Clifton called me. - He did?
- 他是個瘋子,他討厭你 - 不,不,不 - He's a loon! He hates you. - No, no, no.
他只是說話很刻薄 但我很感激他 He just talks tough, but I owe him.
如果我是新弗洛茲 And if I'm the new Fonz,
那麼ABC一定會滿足我的要求 then ABC is just gonna have to... give me what I want!
嗨 Hey!
半小時之後考夫曼先生就來了 Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi.
考夫曼先生要求 在電影之前有90分鐘的沉默 Mr. Kaufman requires an undisturbed 90 minutes of meditation prior to filming.
考夫曼先生要有他自己的特別網 Uh, Mr. Kaufman gets his own network special.
出租車表演必須保證… And, uh, Taxi must guarantee...
四個臨時演員 為托尼·克利夫頓表演 four guest appearances for Tony Clifton.
誰? 誰? Who? Who?
托尼·克利夫頓 Tony Clifton.
托尼·克利夫頓到底是誰 Who the hell is Tony Clifton?
Uh...
我不知道 I don't know.
現在… And now...
現在最激動人心的時刻… now Mama Rivoli's is proud to present...
來了 an international singing sensation!
女士們,先生們 有請托尼·克利夫頓先生 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tony Clifton!
Ha!
快點 Come on.
好了 All right, all right!
女士們,先生們 Ladies and gentlemen, uh,
由於托尼·克利夫頓先生嗓音的限制 出於對他的尊敬 due to Mr. Clifton's vocal constraints, out of respect for him,
他請求你們是否願意滅掉… he asks that if you please extinguish...
燃燒的物體,你們的雪茄和煙 your smoking material, your cigars and cigarettes.
有沒搞錯,那支雪茄我花了l0美元 Goddamn! I paid ten bucks for that cigar!
對不起 Uh, I'm sorry.
- 他在開玩笑嘛? - 現在 - Is he joking? - And now,
女士們,先生們,表演開始了 ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Entertainment,
有請托尼·克利夫頓 Tony Clifton!
他在幹什麼? What does he think he's doing?
Vo...
...lare, whoa
Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wantare whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
No wonder my happy heart sings
Your love has given me wings
I got the wings of a dove
I got the wings
I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried...
Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-di!
Stick a-a needle in your eye!
- 哦,我的天啊 - 各位, 讓我們來點特別的東西 - Oh, my God. - Let's get somethin' straight, people.
在維加斯,我開了個大陳列室 I play big showrooms in Vegas.
我需要這個地方 就像需要鳥槍爆炸 I need this place like I need a shotgun blast to the face!
現在我下去見見觀眾 Now, let's go do wn andmeet some ofthe audience.
好了 All right.
你好? 你來自哪裡? How are you all doin'? Where you from? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
這兒有人灑了香水 Whoa! Somebody's wearin' a lot of perfume around here!
一定是剛才 - Must be that time of the month, huh?
我知道所有的鬼把戲 你好？ Yeah, I know all the tricks. How are you doin'?
你喜歡意大利麵包嗎? You havin' a... You enjoyin' that pasta carbonara?
它會出現在你面前 It appears that you are.
當心,你們坐在了鬆軟乾酪上 Whoops! Hey, look out! I think you sat in some cottage cheese.
原諒我那是你們的屁股 Oh, pardon me. That's your ass.
Aww!
你好.你喜歡表演嗎? How you doin'? You enjoyin' the show?
喜歡 - Yeah. - Huh?
你叫什麼名字? - Yeah. - What's your name?
鮑勃 Bob.
鮑勃 Bob! Bo-o-ob!
Bo-o-ob! Bo-o-ob!
你姓什麼? - What's your last name? Up and down in the water? - Ugh.
格斯克 Huh?
格斯克 Gorsky.
- 格斯克?是波蘭姓 - Gorsky? That Polish? - Yeah.
講講波蘭的笑話吧 You tryin' to do some Polish humor?
- 不，那是… - 住嘴 - No, that's, uh... - Shut up!
- 那只是我的名字 - 住嘴 - That's just my name. - Shut up!
我不喜歡種族歧視 I do not appreciate, uh, racial slurs!
波蘭人被嘲笑夠了 I think them dumb Polacks been ridiculed enough.
我在這表演 I do a clean show here.
你們想看笑話嗎 這兒正好有笑話 You wanna see some humor? Here's some humor right here.
這兒,好嗎? Right there, okay? Awww!
坐下,享受 Sit down and enjoy that, okay?
你是… 夏皮羅 And you... Shapiro!
我會在後台見你,禿子 I'll see you backstage, baldy.
Vo...
...lare
你想幹什麼? What do you want?
只是友好的交談,喬治 Just a little friendly conversation, George.
你餓了? You hungry?
你看起來很瘦 You look thin!
你… 你… Y-You-You...
Italiano, cacciatore scallopini, pasta fazool
我搞不懂這種表演 I don't understand this act.
是種很好的古老娛樂，喬治 人人都喜歡惡棍 It's good, old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain.
- 你怎麼看待你羞辱的可憐蟲? - 嗨,老兄,表演很精彩 - What about that poor schlub you humiliated? - Hey, man, excellent show.
- 很精彩的表演 - 對你來說是很精彩的，喬治 - That was a great show. - Yeah, good show for you. Um, George.
這是我的作者,老朋友鮑勃 This is, uh, my writer and old friend Bob Zmuda.
你好,喬治,我是鮑勃 Hey, George. How are you? I'm Bob.
- 他很有創意 - 是的 - He's very creative. - Yes.
- 我是這次活動的策劃者 - 很有創意 - I am the brains behind this operation. - Dream on.
他曾經設計過 一個從芝加哥動物園逃走的獅子 He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo.
很奇怪,喬治 This was fantastic, George.
我們安排了40個演員在動物國排練 他們全都尖叫了起來 We got 40 actors tearin' through the zoo, they're all screamin'.
- 封閉了那個地方 - 「各位,有只可惡的獅子」 - Closed the place down. - "There's a fuckin' lion, man! A lion!"
你的名字不是格斯克 Your name's not Gorsky.
別相信你聽到了一切,喬治 Don't believe everything you hear, George.
這不能離開他的房間 This cannot leave this room.
別把這寫下來,好嗎? Do not write this down, okay?
托尼·克利夫頓是安迪·考夫曼 Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman.
安迪·考夫曼就是托尼·克利夫頓 And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton.
他們拒絕了,相信我,是真的 They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true.
這是樁大買賣 This is great business.
你可以利用 兩個安迪·考夫曼賺大錢 You get two Andy Kaufmans for the price of one.
- 安迪，安迪 - 什麼事? - Andy. Andy. - What's up?
他們答應了 並把一切都準備好了 They said yes. You're gettin' everything. Everything!
伯勒斯 Bonus.
- 無論你想要什麼 - 伯勒斯，非常謝謝你 - Whatever you want. - Bonus! Thank you very much.
- 我太高興了 - 我必須乘出租車去,對嗎? - It was so good. - I have to do Taxi, though, right?
- 你要乘出租車去 - 好的 - You gotta do Taxi. - Okay.
為拉特卡準備的宴會 Party time for Latka?
- 除非你把所有的事都幹完了 - 是個很好的宴會 - Not until you take off those overalls. - This is a good party.
不,不拉特卡!聽我說,聽我說 No, no, Latka! Listen to me. Listen to me.
這些餅乾裡有毒 There's a drug in those cookies.
不 No!
沒有,沒有 No. No!
床? Bed?
在我生命裡… I have never been so emotional...
從來沒有這樣的激情 in all my life.
這是替我媽媽打的 這是替我爸爸打的 And this is for my mother, and this is for my father!
這是替我祖父打的 And this is for my grand father!
我希望你有個小家 I hope you have a small family.
- Ohh! - Whee-ooh!
- 謝謝 - 謝謝 - 謝謝 - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much.
謝謝 Thank you very much!
- 我要辭職 - 什麼? - I'm gonna quit. - What?
一場比一場糟糕 Every show is worse than the last one.
考夫曼,每天有四千萬人在觀看你的屁股 Forty million people are watching your ass every week, Kaufman.
- 他們知道什麼? - 沒什麼事,那是很美的 - What do they know? - Absolutely nothing! And that's the beauty.
老兄,絕對可信 Man, look, it's credibility.
你讓他們愛上了你 那麼稍後 You make them love you now, and then later on,
在你的專題裡 你可以搞他們的頭 on your special, you can fuck with their heads.
機遇是有限的,老兄 The sky is the limit, man.
我不在乎 Oh, yeah? I don't care!
先生，考夫曼的特別節目 有點問題 Sir, there 's a problem down on the Kaufman special.
- 他們說技術條件達不到 - 技術? - They say he's not following the technical requirements. - Technical?
謝謝你來到我的演出現場 Thanks for coming on my show.
很榮幸跟你一起演出,安迪 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
- 馬上關掉 - 不 - Right now, roll it! - No.
是我的特別節目 我有權力控制，關掉 It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it!
- 不! - 演啊,老兄 - No! - Do it, man!
- 嗨,安迪,你好 - 小心點 - Hey, Andy! Hi. - Be careful, please.
只有正面 Only positive energy allowed beyond this point.
我一直在聽關於 特別報道的事情 I've been hearing fabulous things about the special.
我們打了那個小傢伙? What, did we hit a little speed bump?
他的名字叫科林 Mm-hmm, and his name is Colin.
他讓我搗亂 Kid Genius told me to mess with the vertical hold.
- 讓我看看 - 讓他看看 - Show me. - Show him.
讓他看看,科林 Show him, Colin.
謝謝你讓我上你的節目,安迪 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
這真是… Boy, it sure...
太好了， 人們以為他們的電視壞了 It'll be great. People will think their TV is broken.
他們會離開電視前 走上前 They'll get out of their chairs, walk over to the TV,
打電話給電視台 twist the knobs, call the TV store.
「我付了那麼多錢」 "I paid a lot of money for that TV!"
他們會拍電視， 但是怎麼也弄不好 They'll bang on the television, but they won't be able to fix it!
安迪,安迪 Andy. Andy.
我們不想觀眾離開電視 We don't want the viewers to get out of their chairs.
可這很有趣 But it's funny.
這是惡作劇 It's a practical joke.
觀眾一定能看節目 The viewer must be able to see the program.
但… 它只有30秒 But... But it's only gonna be for 30 seconds.
- 五秒 - 20秒 - Five. - Twenty.
l0秒 Ten.
成交 Deal.
好了,安迪,l0秒? - l0秒,好啊 - Okay, Andy. Ten seconds, huh? - Ten seconds, okay.
- 好的 - 好的 - Okay. - Okay.
- 我只想要l0秒 - l0秒是最好的 - Ten seconds is all I really wanted. - Ten seconds is perfect.
你知道，霍迪 當我是孩子時就一直在關注你 You know, Howdy, I've been watching you since I was a little boy.
我甚至不知道電視是什麼 I didn't even know what television was.
看他多可愛,很精彩,不是嗎? Oh, look at how cute he is, huh? Isn't this great?
- 很感人 - 你個其它的真人在屏幕上演出 - That is so moving. - You're as real as anyone else on the show.
我愛你,我真的很愛你 And I love you. I really do.
這沒意思 This is not funny.
一點也不可笑… This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what...
這是節目裡的神秘部分 呆會就會好的 This is the magical part of the show. The show's not all like this.
真可笑,真有趣 It's hysterical. It gets very funny.
看在上帝的份上， 我們是因特網的一員 難道我們付不起錢? For Christ's sakes, we're the number one network. Can't we afford a decent TV?
不,不,那是節目的一部分 No, no, no, th-that's part of the show.
- 這是節目的一部分? - 是我 - This is part of the show? - Yes.
你什麼意思， 這是節目的一部分? What do you mean, it's part of the show?
那是安迪想要的 Th-That's the way Andy wants it, with the rolling.
謝謝你,安迪,我也愛你 Thanks, Andy. I love you too.
告訴考夫曼， 這個網絡不再轉播這個節目 Tell Kaufman this network will never air this program.
嗨,那是安迪·考夫曼 Hey, that's Andy Kaufman.
想打賭嗎? Do you wanna bet?
嗨,嗨 Hey. Hey.
請問你是安迪·考夫曼嗎 Hey, excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman?
我一直叫安迪·考夫曼 I get that all the time.
安迪 Andy.
真是荒唐 This is ridiculous.
拿掉圍裙 Take off that apron.
不，我寧願呆在這而不願回ABC。 No. I'd rather work here than at ABC.
- 對不起，他們都是一群混蛋 - 是的 - Ah, I'm sorry. They're a bunch of assholes. - Yeah.
我們做的是有創意的工作 沒必要分明什麼人喜歡什麼人不喜歡 We work in a creative business. There's no telling what people are gonna like or dislike.
我這樣做的唯一的理由… The only reason why I did Taxi... the only reason...
是我想要我自己的專集 was so that I could have my own special.
我知道，我告訴你 I know. I'll tell you what.
我給你安排在一些大學演出 Let me book you some colleges now,
然後把這些專集帶過去 and then I'll take the special around.
給人們看看這些專集 看是否有人願意買 I'll show it to people and see if anybody wants to buy it.
我們有一車庫的專集要出售 不，我要結束了 We'll have a garage sale. No, I'm over and out.
- 你知道，你沒結束 - 我結束了 - You know, you're not over and out. - I am over and out.
- 你不能結束 - 我結束給你看看 - You can't be over and out. - I'll show you over and out.
你跟ABC有個協議 你應該尊重它 You've got a deal with ABC. You've gotta honor it.
好吧，合同的日期還剩多久? All right. How much longer's left on my contract?
你簽了五年， You signed for five years, so...
還有四年七個月 four years and seven months.
謝謝大家 Thank you.
來到這真的很高興 It's really great to be here.
今晚 一定有場精彩的演出 We're gonna have a great show tonight.
真的很精彩 Really good one!
首先，我們要唱一些歌 We're gonna... We're gonna start by singing some songs.
- 演拉特卡！ - 是的，拉特卡 - Do Latka! - Yeah, Latka!
快演拉特卡 Come on, Latka!
拉特卡，拉特卡，拉特卡 Latka! Latka! Latka!
- 拉特卡，拉特卡 - 對不起離開一會 - Latka! Latka! - Excuse me for one second.
- 我看到了 - 什麼? - I saw that. - What?
- 給我劇本 - 什麼劇本?不，我不會給你劇本的 - Give me the book. - What book? No, I'm not going to give you the book.
- 有什麼事嗎? - 沒有，一切都很好 - Is something wrong? - No, everything's okay. Fine.
我可以勉強演演你的主人翁， 謝謝 - Can I squeeze your nuts? Thanks. - Ohh!
他們要這個 They're askin' for it.
女士們先生們， 由於你們是如此… Ladies and gentlemen, since you're such a...
熱情… special audience...
Yeah!
我第一次演出 I'm going to reveal for the very first time,
真實的自我 ever, the real me.
好 That's right.
我實際上是英國人 Ahem. I'm actually British.
雖然我演小丑， 可我發現這是如此的粗野 And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish,
所以…各位 so... American.
我更喜歡美術… I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today...
我要與你們分享… I am going to grace you with a reading...
一篇偉大的著作 of one of the greatest novels ever written,
由菲茨傑拉克寫的「了不起的蓋茨比」 The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
開始 Please.
「在我年輕容易受到傷害的時候 "In my younger and more vulnerable years,
我父親給了我很多忠告 我一直深深的記在我的大腦裡 my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.
無論你什麼時候受到挫折 他告訴我 'Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,' he told me,
- 拉特卡 - 只是記住世界上所有的人… - Latka! - 'just remember that all the people of this world...
- 拉特卡！ - 不比你佔優勢 - Latka! - haven't had the advantages that you've had.'
但他總是以一種沉默的方式交談 But he'd always been unusually communicative in a reserved way,
可我明白他的意恩… and I understood that he meant...
比說更有價值 a great deal more than that."
謝謝大家 Thank you very much.
Yeah!
結果 "In consequence,
我保留了所以的判斷 I'm inclined to reserve all judgments,
- 一種無所謂的性格 - a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me...
讓我成了槍下的犧牲品 and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores."
- 快點 - 不，不 - Oh, come on! - No, no. No, no.
保持安靜， 我們還有很多要聽 No, no, please keep it down. We've got a long way to go.
他們是相同的人 "They were the same people,
至少是同類型的人 or at least the same sort of people, the same profusion of..."
我告訴你們 I tell you what.
你們是願意讀還是聽唱片 Would you rather I kept reading, or do you prefer to hear the phonograph record?
聽唱片 Record!
- 對不起，我聽不見 - 聽唱片 - I'm sorry. I can't hear you. - Record!
- 你們同意嗎? - 同意 - Are you positive? - Yeah!
- 很好 - 是，大老鼠 - Very well then. - Yeah, "Mighty Mouse"!
他的出現給那晚帶來了壓抑 "His presence gave the evening it's quality of oppressiveness.
那個夏天， 蓋茨比深深的印在我記憶裡「 It stands out in my memory from Gatsby's other parties that summer."
綠燈，狂歡節… The green light, the orgiastic future...
- 年年在我們面前出現 that year by year recedes before us.
明天 Tomorrow...
明天我們會過的更快 Tomorrow we will run faster,
把我們的臂膀伸向未來 stretch our arms out further,
又是個美好的旱晨 and one fine morning,
所以我們波浪似的撲向未來 船逆流而行 so we beat on, boats against the current,
不斷把浪花… borne back ceaselessly...
推向過去」 into the past."
結束了 The end.
好啊 All right!
你想在亞利桑那州演出嗎 You wanna play Arizona State?
你給他們表演大老鼠 表演埃爾維斯 You give 'em Mighty Mouse. You give 'em Elvis.
- 我… 我給了他們了不起的蓋茨比 - 是的 - I-I gave them The Great Gatsby. - Yes.
- 菲茨傑拉德的佳作 - 一篇名著 - F. Scott Fitzgerald's best work. - A classic.
- 他的偉大的代表作 - 我不關心這些 - His finest piece of work. - I don't care.
安迪 Andy.
安迪，你必須認真回答這個問題 Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question.
你在讓誰快樂? Who are you trying to entertain?
是觀眾還是你自己? The audience or yourself?
對不起 Excuse me.
Ah.
- 鮑勃，我是… 我是… - 什麼，喬治? - Bob. Bob, I'm-I'm... - What, George?
我擔心安迪 I'm worried about Andy.
這樣不好， 他這樣做會影響他的演出 This is not good. His stress level is affecting his work.
冷靜點，喬治 擔心也無濟於事 Calm down, George. That's not gonna help anything.
看 Look, uh,
托尼·克利夫頓下周會進行演出 Tony Clifton is gonna go on Taxi next week.
應讓他放鬆放鬆 解除壓力 That should, uh, let him blow off steam and relieve the stress.
- 鮑勃，鮑勃，鮑勃 - 什麼事? - Bob, Bob, Bob. - Okay?
安迪需要放鬆 這是你的工作 Andy needs to relax. This is your job.
- 你必須讓他擺脫這一切 - 我的工作 - You have to take him away from all of this. - My job.
- 來呀? - 好 - Would you come on? - Okay.
Sh...
- 今天過的怎麼樣? - 很好啊 - Hi. How are you doin' today? - Fine.
- 嗨，很高興見到你 - 很高興見到你 - Hello. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- 你好? - 很好 - How are you? - Peachy.
Oh.
Yeah
- 我們現在怎麼做? - 你跳啊 - What do... What do we do now? - Now you pick.
可如果我傷害了 她們的感情怎麼辦? But what if I... hurt somebody's feelings?
看在上帝的份上 你不會害任何人的感情 For Christ's sake, you're not gonna hurt anybody's feelings.
他們都是專業人員 They're... They're all professionals. All right?
好的 Okay.
挑哪個 All right. Which one?
我要兩個 I will have both!
我要這個小姐和那個大奶子的 I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels.
Mach schnell, mach schnell!
我要殺了你 Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you.
絕妙的選擇 Excellent choice.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
你們高興嗎? Are you having a good day?
這是很重要的一天 It's kind of a big day.
這是我的朋友 第一次和妓女在一起 It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute.
你在說什麼 安迪幾乎每個週末都來 What are you talkin' about? Andy comes here almost every weekend.
誰，安迪? Who, Andy?
他不會叫他自己安迪 Oh, he doesn't always call himself that.
有時他叫托尼 有時穿晚禮服 Sometimes he's Tony, and he wears a tux.
- Yeah - Oh, ho!
嗨 Hey, um,
如果… 如果我給你們倆… if... if I gave you both...
三百美元 three hundred dollars,
你們願意 would you, um,
到好萊塢攪亂一場電視秀嗎? come to Hollywood and help me destroy a TV show?
五百美元 Five hundred.
我是什麼，哈里·霍迪尼? What am I, Harry Houdini, huh?
我們破產了，過來，女孩們 Oh, we busted through. Come on, girls.
歡迎到時事諷刺劇場 Welcome to the Follies "Bree-gere."
- 好了，他來了，托尼·克利夫斯 - 汽車表演 - Okay, here's the man. Tony Clifton. - Taxi, laxy.
- 邁克斯，還好嗎 - 嗨 - Just the factsy, Maxie. - Hi.
嗨，你好? Hey, hot shot. How you doin'?
- 埃德·溫伯格 - 開始，好嗎? - Ed Weinberger. - Take a hike! Okay, all right, huh?
好的 All right.
- 我們做什麼? - 這是你的劇本，托尼 - What are we doin', huh? - Here's your script, uh, Tony.
- 這是給我的劇本? - 是的 - That's the script I was given? - Yeah.
我必須要做的，好，讓我看看 That's the one I have to do? Okay, let me see.
胡說，胡說，我的台詞 Okay, bullshit, bullshit, my line.
胡說，胡說，我的台詞 Bullshit, bullshit, my line.
Ohh! Ha-ha!
那是好笑！ 那是好笑 That's hilarious! That is hilarious!
昨晚我已經看過劇本了 我不滿意 I reviewed that script last night and I was not satisfied.
- 那麼… - 我不滿意 - Yeah, well... - I was not satisfied.
- 我們何不… - 所以我做了點改動 - Why don't we... - So I made a few changes.
我和這兩個小姐熬了整夜 I stayed up all night with these sweet ladies right here.
這位是萊蒙納德 This is Lemonade.
- 那會讓你一天都紅火 - 我們可以開始嗎？ - That'll keep you going on a hot day. - Can we get to work?
這是邁娜麗亞 我的小生產部怎麼樣? And this is Melonia. How's my little produce department?
Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.
這就是新的出租車主題歌 This is the new Taxi theme song.
Oh, yes we drive a taxi
Aaaah!
Aah-aah-aah-aah-ahh!
喬治 George.
現在， 我們承擔不起這個損失… Now, I can't afford to blow this whole episode, so...
我們必須讓他演 we have to let him go.
我不知道安迪是否會接受 I'm not sure how Andy's gonna take this.
我們必須堅持並告訴他 We'll just have to go down and tell him.
可那是托尼，不是安迪 But-But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy.
我不管那是誰， 我要解雇他 I don't give a fuck who that is. I'm gonna fire him.
好吧 Okay. All right.
但我們最好先警告安迪 But we better warn Andy first.
他決定在舊金山的音樂會 He's up in San Francisco doin' a concert.
我打電話叫我秘書 I'll call my secretary.
黛安，我是喬治 Diane, this is George.
- 我想接舊金山的安迪 - 好的 - I'm trying to reach Andy up in San Francisco. - Okay.
- 我給您轉過去 - 我等著 - I'll patch you through. - I'll wait.
- 喂- 安迪， 我把你的聲音放在揚聲器裡 - Hello. - Andy, I'm gonna put you on the speaker.
- 你好，安迪 - 你好? - Hello, Andy. Hi. - Hello ?
- 我和埃德在一起 - 你好，埃德 - I'm here with Ed over at Taxi. - Hi, Ed.
- 你好，安迪 - 你好嗎? - Hi, Andy. - How are you?
- 我很好 - 很好? - I'm fine. - Good.
- 安迪，托尼有點問題 - 不 - Andy, there's been some trouble with Tony. - Oh, no.
他受傷了? Did... Did he get hurt?
- 不是 - 安迪，不是像… 不 - No. - Andy, it's nothing like... No.
- 他傷害了別人? - 不，不是那樣 - Did he hurt someone else? - No, no. It's not that.
安迪，我給你打電話是因為… Andy, uh, the reason I'm calling you like this...
我對你的藝術水平 表示崇高的敬意 is I have the utmost respect for your artistry.
我一直很欣賞 Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed.
謝謝你，但你知道，在這種情況下 Thank you, but you see, in this instance, um,
我必須得到 你的允許解雇托尼 I have to ask your permission to fire Tony.
我的允許 Oh, my.
喬治，這會要了托尼的命 George, this is gonna kill Tony.
- 他一生都在等這個機會 - 還會有別的角色 - He's waited for this his whole life. - There'll be other shots.
我們必須這樣做 他是個很糟糕的演員 Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor.
好的，但別刺激他 Okay, but please, let him down gently.
相信我們 Trust us.
他媽的，我不走 Fuck you! I'm not goin'!
我們有協議 We had a deal.
我不知道你跟誰說了 我沒有跟任何人說 I don't know who you talked to. I didn't talk to anybody.
- 你一定跟別人說了！ - 我跟安迪·考夫曼說了 - You must have talked to someone else! - I was talkin' to Andy Kaufman!
- 我不認識安迪·考夫曼 - 好 - I don't know no Andy Kaufman! - Okay.
保安，進來！ Security, get in here!
保安 Security!
Aah.
不要傷害他 Don't hurt him!
- 他是個天才 - 我不想這個場景留下任何照片 - He's a talented man! - I don't want any pictures leaving this set.
嗨，給我！這是茲姆達！ 他是其中之一 Hey, give me that! This is Zmuda! He's one of 'em!
- 你們曾去過維加斯 - 去過 - You guys ever go to Vegas, - Yeah, yeah.
你們不要插手 you're not gettin' in!
嗨，回來，把照相機給我 Hey, come back! Give me the camera! Come here!
- 把照相機給我 - 什麼? - Give me the camera! - What?
我付20元，聽我的吩咐 I got 20 bucks says you work for me now!
我想用電話 I would like to use the phone!
- 不行，先生 - 洗個澡怎麼樣? 我要買短褲 - Not on the lot, sir. - How 'bout a bathroom? I may have shit my pants.
- 喝水?吃阿司匹林? - 都不行 - Drink of water? Aspirin? - Nope.
- 要條濕毛巾? - 不行 - Moist towelette? - No.
如果那樣的話 就再見了 In that case, it has been an honor. "Good-bee"!
太好了 This is great!
真是太好了，老兄 This is too much, man.
它讓托尼變成了真人 給了他三個評價 It makes Tony real, gives him three dimensions.
對他的事業有好處，喬治 It's good for his career, George.
真的? 你想看托尼·克利夫頓的表演嗎? Oh, really? You wanna book Tony Clifton at Harrah's Tahoe.
我知道那個大學生 真的象安迪·考夫曼 I know the college kids really like Andy Kaufman.
不，不，像吉恩 讓我把這個查清楚 No, no, no. L-Look, Gene, let me be really clear about this.
如果你約托尼 你就不希望得到安迪 If you book Tony, do not expect to get Andy.
好，好，我會抓住機會的 Yeah, yeah, well, I'll take my chances, all right?
好的，做我的客人，約他 All right. Be my guest. Book him.
閉嘴 Shut up!
你們都他媽的閉嘴 Shut the hell up, all of ya!
你你再出聲 我就下去 把你們的頭放進湯裡 You make one more sound, I'll come down there and put your frickin' head in the soup!
Whew.
我喜歡完全安靜 When I go like this, it means I-I expect total silence!
台上有個藝術家 There is an artiste on stage.
那樣好多了 That's better.
Oh, whether I'm right
Or whether I'm wrong
Oh, whether I find a place in this world
Or never belong
I've got to be me
I've gotta be me
Willing to try to do it or die
Yaah! Hah! Aah!
啊? What?
謝謝大家 Thank you very much!
謝謝大家， 我表演我的拿手絕活 Thank you. I do all my own stunts.
I've got to be
Eeee
Eeee-eee
發生了什麼事? What the hell's goin' on?
考夫曼? Kaufman?
考夫曼在攪和我的表演 Kaufman's crappin' on my act!
考夫曼到底在說什麼 Where's it say Kaufman's in the act?
借這個用一下? - May I borrow this for a second? - Oh, no.
不 No!
現在你全濕了? Ah, now you are all wet, huh?
你看起來像在那邊喝酒了 You look like you could use a little drink up there.
為什麼不繼續呢 滾 Why don't you go on, get out of here!
為什麼不脫衣服，考夫曼 Why don't you just take off, Kaufman!
走開，小鼓手 Get out of here, little drummer boy!
別走 Stay!
別走，安迪，回來 - I've got to be - Don't leave, Andy! Come back!
Eeee
- Go home! - Volare
Whoa-oh
Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa wantare
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Uhh! Ah!
天哪，關門，關門 Jesus Christ. Close the goddamn door. Close it!
看看你 Oh. Look at you.
你太偉大了 You're so proud.
你像個從學校來的傻孩子… You're like some stupid kid who comes home from school...
「看，爸爸我得了『F』」 "Look, Dad, I got an 'F.'"
難道不好玩嗎? But wasn't it funny?
「是的，很好玩」 "Yes, it was funny, Andy. It was."
只有趣了一會兒 Yes, it was funny for a little while,
直到觀眾認出托尼不是你 until the audience realized that Tony wasn't you.
Oh. Mmm. Ohhh!
那麼你們在這有什麼? So what do you have here?
一個大的精心編製的玩笑 宇宙中只有你們兩個有趣… A big, elaborate joke that's only funny to two people in the universe...
你和你 you and you.
是啊，喬治， 我們都覺得很很搞笑 Yeah, sure, George, yeah, and we happen to think that it's hilarious.
但哪點好笑? 哪點好笑? But what's the point? What is the point?
很有趣，喬治 It's fun, George!
這怎麼使你 成為世界上最紅的明星呢 How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world?
喬治…… George...
觀眾希望我一直讓他們震驚 at this point the audience expects me to completely shock them all the time.
但除了假死和讓劇院著火外 But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire,
我不知道還有別的什麼 I don't know what else to do.
因為我總是走在他們前面一步 'Cause I've always gotta be one step ahead of them.
Whoa-ohh!
象芭蕾舞劇 It's like ballet. Whoa!
看見了嗎? Did you see that?
打 Bam!
快有結果了 ...dropped to the canvas...
這些傢伙很聰明 我想通過最壞的路成為摔交選手 These guys are brilliant. I wanna be a bad guy wrestler in the worst way.
我討厭你摔交 問題是你不具備這種體格 I hate to break it to you, but the problem here is you don't have the build for it.
這些傢伙都很高大 These guys are huge.
他們會踢你的屁股 They would kick your ass.
也許我可以捉弄比我小點的 Maybe I can pick on someone a little smaller than me.
不，不，女人在很多方面 都比男人有優勢 No, no. Women are superior to men in many ways.
就是這佯 That's right.
- 當提到煮飯，做潔潔，洗土豆 - When it comes to cooking, cleaning, washing potatoes,
洗胡蘿蔔 照看孩子 scrubbing the carrots, making the babies,
擦地時 mopping the floors,
她們比男人佔有優勢 they have it all over men.
但提到摔交… But when it comes to wrestling...
住嘴 Shut up!
當一個人在講話時， 請保持安靜 Be quiet when a man is talking!
如果有女人能站在 這證明我錯了 If there is a woman here tonight who can come up here and prove me wrong,
我就閉上嘴 並給她500沒有 I will shut my mouth and pay her $500.
我可以 I can do it!
這裡 Right here!
第一個舉手的先來 First come, first served!
過來，你想贏我嗎 Come on! You wanna take me?
來這邊 Come on up here.
- 親愛的，你叫什麼名字? - 賴尼 - What's your name, sweetheart? - Lynne.
賴尼，賴尼自願上來了 Lynne. We got Lynne as a volunteer.
- 賴尼，注意了 - 你會很慘的！ - Lynne, sweetheart, pay attention. - You're pathetic!
我們看看 We'll see about that, Suzy Q
我不想踢，咬，抓， 用頭撞，明白嗎？ I want no kicking, biting, scratching, head butts. Do you understand?
- 為什麼? 他要規規矩矩比賽嗎? - 我不關心他 - Why? He's gonna play fair? - lam not concerned with him.
- 他是個專業人員 - 不管怎樣你要牽制我 - He is a professional. - It's up to you to pin me.
- 好，我明白了 - 很好，我們可以友好的握握手 - Yes, I understand. - Very good. Could we please shake hands.
Oooh!
聽到鈴聲開始摔交 Come out wrestling when you hear the bell.
你們看見了嗎? You see? You see this?
Yeah! Whoa!
我告訴過你 不死握著 Hey, no choke holds! I told you!
好，加油 Yeah! Come on!
Oww!
別打了，考夫曼 I said, break it up, Kaufman!
- 第一次警告 - 為什麼? - First warning! - For what?
你拉她的頭髮 你不想有第二次警告吧 You pulled her hair! You won't be getting a second warning!
住嘴 Shut up!
我是冠軍，女人敗了… I am the champion! No woman can beat...
Ohh!
加油 - Ohh! - Come on! Ohh!
一！二！ One! Two!
三，好了 Three! That is it!
結束了，結束了 It is over! It is over! That is it!
你贏了你輸了 You are out! You are down!
贏者毫無疑問的 贏得了世界摔交冠軍 The winner and undisputed intergender wrestling champion of the world,
安迪·考夫曼 Andy Kaufman!
我是勝利者 I am the winner!
我有大腦 I've got the brains!
- 夫人，這是免費贈送給你的照片 - 謝謝 - Ma'am, here is your complimentary photo of Merv. - Thank you.
- 這是蠟海龜 - 我不想要蠟海龜 - And your Turtle Wax. - I don't want Turtle Wax.
每個客人都拿了蠟海龜 Every guest of Merv takes Turtle Wax.
- 這是吃紅龍蝦的禮券 - 非常感謝 - And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster. - Thank you so much.
我只想謝謝你做了件偉大的事情 Hey, hey, hey. I just wanted to thank you for doing such a great job.
- 我真的很感激 - 不要誇我 - I really appreciate it. - Don't patronize me.
- 等等 - 什麼事? - Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What?
我希望你不要把剛才的事當真 I hope you don't take everything I did in there seriously.
只是演出的一部分 It's just part of the show.
就像狂歡節那些古老的日子… It's like the old days of the carnival barker...
當他讓人群發怒時 when he'd get the crowd all riled up.
所以你假裝成一個可惡的傢伙 So you just pretend to be an asshole?
我很擅長這個 That's what I'm good at.
是，你是 Yeah, you are.
你是真的很厲宣 You are really, really good at it. You are.
莫維·格瑞菲收到了2000份討厭的郵件 Merv Griffin got 2,000 pieces of hate mail.
別讓我笑，喬治 Don't make me laugh, George.
安迪， 莫維沒收到討厭的郵件 Andy, Merv does not get hate mail.
就是說我們成功了 That means we're a success.
Oh.
我們讓房子有點生氣 We got the room all worked up, like punk rock.
他們討厭你 They detest you.
你下次出現時 女人會吹口哨的 The next time you make an appearance, women are gonna picket.
你覺得呢? Do you think so?
因為你沒給她們任何提示 知識粗劣的模仿 Yes, because you have not given them any clues that this is a parody.
那是因為我只做一次 她們會習慣的 That's because I've only done it once. They'll get used to it.
因為我要反覆的做… Because I'm gonna do it again and again...
一遍又一遍… - and again and again and again and again...
Oh, Rose Marie
I love you
I'm always dreaming
Of you
No matter what I do
- Aaah! - No matter what I do
I can't forget you
Sometimes I wish that I'd
Never met you
And yet if I
Should lose you
時間到了 Time out!
It would mean my very life
你怎麼了? - What's your problem? - To me
好，你出去 All right, you are out of here!
Of all the queens that ever lived
I choose you
To rule me
兩個大人，謝謝 - My Rose Marie - Two adults, please. Thank you.
- 想吃爆米花嗎? - 不，謝謝 - You want some popcorn? - Um, no, thank you.
我很想吃 I really want one.
一袋爆花米，外加黃油 Um, a large tub of popcorn, please. Extra butter.
為什麼給我打電話 我最不願接到的電話就是你的 Why did you call me? You are the last person I expected to call me.
糟了… 賴尼，我是說… Gosh, uh... Gee, Lynne, I mean...
我對你的摔交動作 印象很深 I was just so impressed with your wrestling moves.
你對什麼印象很深 Yeah, you're impressed with something.
- 你在國際電視上出了個大錯 - 哦，老兄 - You had a huge boner on national television. - Oh, man!
- 是的，的確如此 - 過來 - Yes, you did! - Come on.
我把每件事都錄下來了 I had it taped down and everything.
希望沒有冒犯你 I hope I didn't offend you.
我在這不是嗎? I'm here, aren't I?
想去孟斐斯結婚嗎? Hey, wanna go to Memphis and get married?
我想去孟斐斯結婚嗎? Do I wanna go to Memphis and get married?
- Mm-hmm. - Wh...
為什麼是孟斐斯? Why Memphis?
因為孟斐斯是世界摔交王國 Because Memphis is the wrestling capital of the world.
我要走上拳擊台… I'll get up in the ring...
我會宣佈我要娶 第一個打敗我的人 and I'll announce that I'll marry the first woman who beats me.
你起來，我們摔交 我讓你贏… Then you can get up, we'll wrestle, I'll let you win...
- 你讓我贏? - 我讓你贏，我讓你 - You'll let me win? - I'll let you win. I'll let you.
然後我們進行決賽 在大衛優秀運動員會上結婚 Then we'll run off and get married on the David Letterman show.
- 天哪 - 好嗎? - God! - Okay?
答應嗎? What do you say?
是真的嗎? Is this for real?
別說話了！ - Shut up! - Boo!
別說話了 Shut up!
我講話時要求大家安靜 I demand silence when I am talking!
完全缺乏尊敬… Total lack of respect from Mr. Hollywood...
今晚如果有哪位女士想打敗我 If there is one woman here tonight who thinks she can defeat me,
那位幸運的女士… that lucky little lady...
將同我結婚 will get to marry me!
什麼樣的男人會跟女士摔交? Let me ask you, folks... What kind of man would wrestle a woman anyway?
考夫曼 Kaufman!
考夫曼 - Kaufman! - Oooh.
我要摔贏你，無用的傢伙 - Whoo! - I'll take you on, you sissy.
這個小女士緊張了 Whoa! The little lady is upset!
讓我告訴你，寶貝 Well, let me tell you something, baby.
在你受傷前 還是回廚房去吧 Go back to the kitchen where you belong before you get hurt.
你要進廚房 因為我要你成為我的器皿 You get in the kitchen, 'cause I'm gonna make you do my dishes!
住手，住手 Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
這個女人是假裝的 This woman is a fake!
她是安迪·考夫曼的女朋友 She's nothing more than Andy Kaufman's girlfriend.
什麼?你在怎麼解釋 What? Well, there you go.
那不是真的 That's not true! That's not true!
騙子 Faker!
- 這不是真的 - 是真的，這是個計劃 - That is not true! - Oh, yeah, that's true. This is all a setup.
我不會允許你欺騙這麼多人 I'm not gonna allow you to make fools out of all these people.
你到底是什麼人? Who the hell are you?
我叫傑爾·洛勒， 是孟斐斯的摔交王子 I'm Jerry Lawler, the king of Memphis wrestling!
他是王子 He's the King.
嗨，考夫曼 Hey, Kaufman,
如果你想跟人摔交 if you wanna wrestle somebody,
我給你找個真正的摔交手來 I brought a real wrestler.
她是經過訓練的，有準備的 She's trained, and she's ready!
讓我們看看你 是否能控制弗克斯·傑克遜 Let's see if you can handle Foxy Jackson!
Oh, my!
弗克斯·傑克遜和安迪·考夫曼都在這，一對一挑戰 Foxy Jackson and Andy Kaufman right here, one-on-one!
我不同意這樣做， 我不會答應的 I never agreed to this! I will not do this!
洛勒，我不同意這麼做 這是違背規則的 Lawler, I did not agree to this. This is against the rules!
我想是安迪·考夫曼對弗克斯·傑克遜沒準備 I don't think that Kaufman is prepared for Foxy Jackson.
- 提他的屁股！ - 好萊塢先生 - Kick his butt! - Mr. Hollywood.
安迪·考夫曼再次顯出 完全沒自信的神情 Again, Kaufman showing a total lack of respect.
弗克斯·傑克遜把安迪·考夫曼帶到賽場上 Foxy Jackson's gonna take Kaufman to the woodshed, folks.
安迪·考夫曼 像個小男孩掛在繩子上 Kaufman's hangin' on the ropes like a little baby.
弗克斯就要拉掉考夫曼的短褲 Foxy's about to take Kaufman right out of his shorts!
- 一，二… - 相信了嗎? - One, two... - Can you believe it?
- 我抓住她了！ - 放開她 - I got her! - Get off of her!
快點放開她 Get him off of her. Come on!
王子來了 Now there goes the King.
王子把考夫曼像洋娃娃一樣扔在地上 Oh, the King just threw Kaufman down like a rag doll!
王子輕而易舉的就佔了上風 The King took matters into his own hands!
你在幹什麼 What are you doing?
我不和男人摔交 I do not wrestle men!
我要控告你，洛勒 I am gonna sue you, Lawler!
我是全國的電視明星 I am a national TV star,
我討厭你們這些愚蠢的傢伙… and I don't like dumb, stupid crackers...
在拳擊場把我推來推去 coming in the ring, pushing me around!
我不想跟你摔交 我不想 I did not agree to wrestle you! I did not agree!
這是攻擊，毆打 This is assault and battery,
我有很多律師會控告你… and I'm gonna get a team of lawyers to sue you...
和你的子子孫孫 and your children and your children's children.
告訴你，考夫曼 Let me tell you something, Kaufman.
摔交對我來說是項很嚴肅的運動 Wrestling's a very serious sport to me,
我不喜歡 像你這樣的人拿它來取樂 and I don't appreciate some jerk like you trying to make fun of it.
我不允許像你這樣的人 試圖用它來作弄從南方來的人 And I certainly don't appreciate a jerk like you trying to make fun of people from the South!
那麼我們在法庭上見 So we can go to court,
or you can get in the ring with a man and wrestle for real!
你想跟我摔交嗎? Oh, you wanna "rassle" me?
你想跟我來孟斐斯風格的 You wanna "rassle" me Memphis style?
我告訴你 洛勒… 我強烈要求你手下留情 Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lawler... I am gonna make you scream for mercy!
過來，考夫曼 Come on, Kaufman!
他們不知道什麼打得他們 They didn't know what hit them! Oh!
是演戲嗎? 是演戲嗎? Is it an act? Is it an act?
或是你喜歡製造麻煩? Or are you just addicted to causing trouble?
或寶貝， 只要我喜歡隨時可以退出 I can quit anytime I want, baby!
你知道什麼? 我不是支柱 You know what? I'm not a prop.
別再對我那佯 Don't ever treat me like that again.
對不起，嗨，嗨 I'm sorry. Hey. Hey.
我只是著急了， 沒別的意思 Uh, I just get caught up, that's all.
有時我會失控的 Sometimes I get lost.
安迪，別再摔交了 Please, Andy, enough with the wrestling.
你認為我贏不了他? You don't think I can beat him?
他是南方的重量級拳擊冠軍 他會殺了你的 He's the Southern heavyweight champion. He'll kill you.
我不知道 I don't know.
我和比他高大的女人都摔過交 我可以用他們來拖地 I've wrestled women bigger than him, and I've mopped the floor with them.
你首先要打敗女人 然後你就打敗南方 First you piss off women. Then you piss off the South.
你就被殺了， 而我已經定了演唱會 Then you get killed, and I did the booking.
好笑 Funny.
我希望你能接受這項工作 Listen, I got this job that I want you to take.
是每個星期五的電視秀 It's guest-hosting the TV show Fridays.
不是很好可對你有好處 It's not a great TV show, but it'll be good for you.
是實況轉播的 他們會全權委託你… It's live, they'll give you carte blanche...
你又可以讓人們大笑了 and you get back in the business of making people laugh.
- 你說是實況轉播? - 實況轉播 - You said live? - Live.
我不會幽默 I don't do drug humor.
安迪， 那是整個節目的需要 Andy, it's fine. This is what the show is all about.
年輕人喜歡這種素材 Kids love this stuff.
我不會吸毒， 我也不會輕視他們 I don't do drugs, and I don't enjoy making light of them.
你們不是答應我創造性的調節嗎 I was promised creative control.
沒人答應你創造性的調節 Nobody promised you creative control.
三天前我就給你劇本了 到今天你沒說一句話 I got you the script three days ago, and you haven't said a damn word until today.
幾分鐘後，就要實況轉播了 太遲了 We're going live in a few minutes. It's too late.
走，讓觀眾進來 Let's go! Bring the audience in!
從洛杉礬來的實況轉播 - 詹尼斯，開始了 - Live from the Los Angeles Basin, - Janice, it 's on!
現在是每週星期五 it 's Fridays!
特別嘉賓: 安迪·考夫曼 Andy Kaufman!
這個畫面裡 兩對已婚的夫婦出去吃飯 In this sketch, two married couples are out to dinner.
每個人都秘密的帶了塊肉 Everybody has secretly brought along a joint.
卡爾是最後一個 鬼鬼祟祟進入浴室的人 Carl was the last one to sneak to the bathroom to get a little high,
現在他返回餐桌 and now he's coming back to the table.
一千元，飯店的東西太貴了， 不是嗎 Gee, restaurants are amazing, aren't they?
周圍的人都面無表情 Strangers sitting around, stuffing dead animals into their faces.
真是難以置信? It's incredible, isn't it?
是啊，一千元 Yeah, gee,
並且…衛生間… and... the bathrooms...
是…如此…華麗… are... so... colorful...
你沒事吧… 卡爾? Everything okay... Carl?
對不起 我… 我只是… 不能做 I'm sorry. I... I just... can't do it.
我… 我不能太興奮了 I... I can't play stoned.
看提示性卡片 Read the cue cards.
我不能太興奮了 I can't play stoned.
我… 我感覺… 很傻 I... I feel... stupid.
你感覺很傻? 我們呢? You feel stupid? What about us?
對不起 I'm sorry.
對不起 - I'm sorry.
安迪 Andy.
你沒必要那樣做 You didn't have to do that.
住手 Cut it out!
你這個笨蛋 Oh... You jerk!
好了，現在繼續廣告節目 Okay, that's it. Go to commercial now.
- 我告訴你我不想演這個場景 - 考夫曼，離開我的舞台 - I told you I didn't want to do this sketch. - Kaufman, get off my stage.
別碰我，瘋子 Don't you touch me! You're a nut!
- 別打架 - 瘋子 - Break it up! - A nut!
安靜 Settle down.
安迪為什麼要那樣做 Oh, why does Andy do that? Why? Why?
我開始用嫻雅 … I started using Suave...
我們應該繼續廣告節目 We've gone to commercial!
- 對不起 - ABC開除你了 - Excuse me! - You're never gonna work at ABC again!
女士們，先生們，請原諒 Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen, please.
你們剛才看到的是場意外 You have all just participated in a happening.
Oh!
你們知道 Now, okay, you know,
為了逼真，台下有人可能知道 可能不知道 to make it real, some of you down there knew what was going on and some of you didn't.
但我們不想擾亂在家的人 But we don't want to upset the folks at home,
所以安迪會告訴 他們這只是個鬧劇 so now Andy is going to tell them that it was all just a prank.
不要廣告了… Coming back from commercial, and...
在廣告中 During the commercials,
ABC的人委託我向你們解釋一下… the people at ABC told me to explain to you...
整個的打架事件都是在演戲 that this whole fight episode was staged.
- 哦，好啊 - 這是假的 - Oh, good. - It's a lie!
只是騙局而已 It's a cover-up!
我不明白，你們為什麼笑? 我現在不好笑了呀 Why are you laughing? I don't understand. I'm not being funny now.
你們見到的是真的 What you saw was real!
這些是總是在網上發生 No, these... these things happen all the time at the networks, only they cut away.
- 剪掉廣告 - 你們看? - Cut to commercial. - You see?
你們看? You see?
他們一定會解雇我 如果你們想再見我 就到孟斐斯來 For sure they're gonna fire me, so if you want to see me again you'll have to come to Memphis...
孟斐斯有什麼? - Ho ho ho Green Giant - What's in Memphis?
巨大的誘惑力讓你… The Giant's flavor-tight pouch Lets you...
那傢伙完全失常 That kid is totally meshuga.
傑爾·洛勒 Jerry Lawler!
來自田納西州孟斐斯的… The most popular athlete...
最受歡迎的運動員 in the history of Memphis, Tennessee,
走進拳擊場 stepping inside a squared circle.
重236磅 At 236 pounds,
傑爾·洛勒王子 Jerry "The King" Lawler!
介紹 "March And Fanfare"] - And introducing,
191磅 at 191 pounds,
世界冠軍獲得者 the holder of the world intergender championship,
安迪·考夫曼來了 here is Andy Kaufman!
你們可以聽到 大家對安迪·考夫曼歡呼聲 You can hear the ovation, or lack of one, for Andy Kaufman.
歡呼變成了嘲諷 The cheers turned to jeers.
洛勒會為我們每個人討回公道 Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us,
因為我們都受了 來自好萊塢可怕的安迪·考夫曼的羞辱 because we've all been insulted by this hideous Andy Kaufman from Hollywood, California.
裁判員安排的這次較量… - The referee assigned to this bout...
我們比賽前 Before we begin this event,
我想跟你們講幾件事 讓你們感到噁心 I just want to say a couple of things to you disgusting people!
那是不對的 Oh, come on. That's just not right.
你們聽嗎? Are you listening to me?
好 Okay!
各位 Ladies and gentlemen,
這是一塊肥皂 this is a bar of soap.
跟我說 Say it with me.
肥皂 "Soap."
你們要做的是打濕肥皂… All you have to do is wet this bar of soap...
用它擦你的手… and wipe your hands with it...
擦你的身體 and rub it on your body,
不久那專人厭惡的髒東西就清除了 and soon that disgusting, filthy dirt will come off!
他為什麼說這些? Why is he saying these things?
他只是想引起觀眾的興趣 激怒他們 He's just engaging the audience. He's riling them up.
他們就會中傷他 They are going to lynch him.
第二件事 And now for lesson two!
這是衛生紙！ This is toilet paper!
天哪 Oh, good grief!
你只是… - You just...
告訴你考夫曼… 我們受夠了你的廢話！ I'm gonna tell you something, Kaufman... we've had enough of your crap!
我們做該做的事吧 馬上摔交 Let's do what we came here to do. Let's wrestle right now!
開始吧，王子已經準備好了 Well, here we go. The King is ready.
為了考夫曼好 我希望他準備好了 And I hope, for Kaufman's sake, he's ready.
傑爾，傑爾，傑爾 Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
考夫曼把摔交歸功於拳擊場 Kaufman's due a trip to the old woodshed here.
我沒想過我會看到這天… Now, I never thought I'd see the day that...
看考夫曼 Yeah, look at Kaufman.
考夫曼不想 沾到洛勒的任何地方 Yeah, Kaufman doesn't want any part of Lawler.
對人性來說他完全很難堪 他來自好萊塢 He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood.
你們知道嗎? 我來自好萊塢 You see? I am from Hollywood!
- 誰在乎? - 我有智力 - Who cares? - I have the brains!
沒人在乎你來自哪裡 Nobody cares where you're from!
我是王子，我是王子 I'm the king I'm the king
我是孟斐斯王子 I'm the king of Memphis, Tennessee
安迪，我們回家 Andy, please, let's go home!
別擔心，媽媽， 我會讓你驕傲的 Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.
考夫曼被什麼東西打了一下 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Uh-oh, Kaufman got nailed with something.
- 有拳擊迷在扔東西 - 誰幹的? - Some fan threw something. - Who did that?
誰幹的? Who did that?
- 你們不能碰我 我會控告你！ - 嗨，考夫曼 - You cannot touch me! I will sue you! - Hey, Kaufman!
- 我一天掙的錢比你們… - 考夫曼 - I make more money in one day than you do... - Kaufman!
一生賺的錢還多！ in your entire lives combined!
考夫曼 Kaufman!
來摔交或者象笨驢一樣表演? Did you come down here to wrestle or act like an ass?
上來， 我教你免費的摔交法?來呀 Now get in the ring. I'll give you a free headlock. Okay? Come on!
洛勒好像很樂意提供免費的方法 Lawler seems to be willing to offer a free hold of some kind.
算了吧，安迪 No, no. Drop it now, Andy!
沒事的，沒事 It's okay! It's okay!
讓考夫曼上去 讓我們看看他到底有多大本事 Let Kaufman get in there, and let's see what kind of man he is.
一，二，三… One, two, three...
我不相信王子會堅持到最後 - I can't believe that the King is gonna go through with this.
大嘴的王八蛋會得到免費的摔交法 That big-mouth son of a gun has got a free headlock!
就要看到了 Business may pick up here.
我把他抓住了 這是真的 I did it! This is for real!
當心，考夫曼 Uh-oh. Oh, look out, Kaufman!
哎呀，他在那 Oh, there he goes! Oh, my!
考夫曼有麻煩了 Kaufman in trouble!
當心，當心， Look out! Look out!
王子把他折起來了 就像折手風琴一樣 The King folded him up like an accordion that time.
王子問人們… Now the King is asking this crowd...
他們是否想見識打樁機， if they want to see the pile driver.
那是不合規定的 That's illegal.
考夫曼陷入困境 Kaufman is out of it!
哎呀，哎呀 Oh, my! Oh, my!
- 就要成為打樁機了 It's gonna be a pile driver!
在那 There it is!
安迪 Oh! Andy!
他受重傷了 He's hurt bad.
- 無意識被剝奪了資格 - 洛勒，你… - That's an automatic disqualification right there. - Lawler, you...
考夫曼贏了 但此時他看起來不像勝利者 Well, Kaufman wins it, but he doesn't look like a winner right now.
- 快點！ - 讓開，讓開 - Come on! - Keep it clear. Keep it clear.
- 嗨，喬治 - 嗨，洛恩 - Hey, George. - Hey, Lorne.
- 謝謝你在這麼短的時間來見我 - 哦，請坐 - Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. - Oh, please.
我想跟你談談 Right, I wanted to talk to you about, uh,
關於把安迪再安排到 星期六夜生活節目中 putting Andy back on Saturday Night Live.
我不知道是否還留他在節目中 I don't know whether Andy works on the show anymore.
我是說那個摔交事件 - I mean, the wrestling stuff is... - Yeah, yeah.
- 這太糟了… - - 摔交… - Just, I think it's worn... - The wres...
我們都完全同意摔交 Yeah, we all agree, uh, completely about the wrestling.
那很好啊 That's smart.
是啊… Yeah, uh...
- 安迪非常的誠懇 - 是的 - Andy is very sincere. - Right.
他要向傑爾·洛勒道歉 向他做的惡作劇懺悔 He's gonna apologize to Jerry Lawler and repent for all his bad guy shenanigans.
我向所有與我 摔過的交運動員道歉 I apologize for all the wrestling I've ever done.
我對我造成的傷害道歉 I'm sorry for all the grief I've ever given.
我只是在戲弄壞摔交運動員 我不是故意的 I was just playing bad guy wrestler, you know. It's just a role. It's not me.
我想傑爾 So, I guess Jerry just, um,
親自接受道歉 um, took it personally.
我是說你說了一些煽動性的東西 Yeah, but, uh, I mean, you said some pretty inflammatory things.
對他來說什麼都是玩笑 就像那 Right. Everything's a joke to this guy. Just like that thing.
- 我不知道是脖撐圈還是跳蚤領 - 那不是真的 - I don't know if that's a neck brace or a flea collar. - That's not true.
這是真的，我去過醫院 This is serious. I went to the hospital.
我在醫院呆了三天 I was in the hospital three days, in traction.
我還告訴你們 I'll tell you something else.
我爸爸說我可以雇律師 告你們對我做的一切 My father said I could've hired a lawyer and sued you for everything you've got.
但我沒有，我不是那種人 But I didn't because I'm not that kind of guy.
你是什麼樣的人 What kind of guy are you?
告訴你什麼… 也許我要叫個律師來 Tell you what... I think maybe I'll get a lawyer here.
如果你是人 你就馬上向我道歉 If you were a man, you'd apologize to me right now.
但你只是個貧窮的白人 But you're just poor white trash,
我想那對你來說已經是厚待了 so I guess that's too lofty a concept for you.
你要做什麼… I mean, what are you gonna do...
你沒事吧 Are we, uh... Is everything... Are you okay? Huh?
我討厭這種把戲，洛勒 This... I'm sick of this shit, Lawler.
我發誓， 我要控告你對我做的一切 I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, I swear to God.
你混蛋，洛勒? Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler?
肏你媽！ 對不起，戴夫 Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave.
我知道我不能 在電視上說這些話 I know I'm not supposed to say those things on television.
我道歉 對不起，對不起 I apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
但你不是東西 But you, you are a m-ing -hole!
好了? Okay?
Well...
- Well...
I, uh...
我覺得你要在電視上說幾句話 I, I think you can use some of those words on television,
你不能就這樣潑咖啡 but what you can't do is throw coffee.
星期六夜生活的很多人… Some of us at Saturday Night Live...
認為安迪是個喜劇天才 think Andy Kaufman's a comic genius.
但還有一些不這樣認為 But others disagree.
他們說他不再搞笑了 They say he's just not funny anymore.
所以我們把 這個決定權留給你們 So we're leaving the decision up to you.
留他的請撥電話l- 900- 555- 76l8， To keep Andy, call 1-900-555-7618.
不留的 … To dump him...
真糟 This is bad.
我只有百分之28的選票 I, um, only got 28%.
星期六夜生活 是最受歡迎的節目 This is Saturday Night Live, the hippest audience in television.
他們都很喜歡你 They turned on you.
這樣說我很難過 Look, it pains me to say this,
我認為你們兩個 不應再在一起工作 but I don't think you two guys should ever work together again.
對不起，喬治 我們認為這只是好笑而已 I'm sorry, George. We just thought it was funny.
你不必抱歉，傑爾 You don't have to be sorry, Jerry.
你很優秀 You're... You're terrific.
你是最好的 You're just the best.
我不會把它當作買賣的 I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
對我來說這是光榮的時刻 To me, this was a shining moment for wrestling.
我也是 Me too. And...
對行為科學家來說 是光榮的時刻 And it was a shining moment for behavioral science.
為什麼我們不來的了斷呢 Hey, well... But why can't I make a gag out of this?
也許我們可以回到電視… I mean, maybe I could go on the show and I could say...
那是非法的，我要做個澄清 it was rigged and I demand a recount.
安迪，你不明白 Andy, you don't understand.
他們不想你回去了 They don't want you back.
現在閉上你們的眼睛 Now close your eyes.
如果世上的雜念進入你們的頭腦 不要被他們所干擾 If the thoughts of this world come into your head, don't be upset by them.
努力把他們趕走 It's just your stress unraveling itself.
然後再回到禱告 Just slowly come back to the mantra.
安迪 Andy?
過來? Please?
繼續靜思，我馬上回來 Just continue your meditation. I'll be back.
- Jai Guru Dev. - Jai Guru Dev.
嗨，安迪 Hi, Andy.
嗨 Hi.
這個 This is, uh,
我很難說出口 very difficult for me to say.
可我們… Uh, but we...
我們覺得這是最好的… we feel that it's best...
如果你不加入靜修 if you don't attend the retreat.
為什麼? Why?
我每年都去靜修 I go to the retreat every year.
我知道，安迪 Oh, I know, Andy,
我們不懷疑 你對超凡靜思的熱愛 and we don't doubt your devotion to Transcendental Meditation.
我們認為你應該和節目… It's just that we feel that, well, you and the program...
聯繫起來… have, uh, g-grown apart, uh...
聯繫 Philosophically.
「聯繫」? 什麼是「聯繫」? "Philosophically"? What's "philosophically"?
安迪，摔交， 男性至上主義的評論，粗鄙的語言 Well, Andy, the wrestling, the sexist remarks, the foul language,
他們不是精神啟化的個人主義 they're just not becoming of an individual of spiritual enlightenment.
好像你對什麼都不在意 It seems you just don't respect anything.
當然是的 Of course I do.
我只是認為世界是個幻想 I just... I think of the world as, as an illusion,
我們不應該太認真了 and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously.
不要 Don't...
請 Don't,
不要 please,
參加這 do this.
你們讓我加入這些組織 不是想要我平靜嗎 You've got to let me attend these classes. It's what keeps me balanced.
顯然沒效啊 I-It's apparently not working.
那麼，幫幫我，幫幫我，好嗎? Then, then help me. Help me, okay? Guide me.
安迪 Andy...
我們只是不希望你在這出現 we just don't wish your presence here.
嗨 Hi.
我給你帶來了好吃的 I brought you some Haagen-Dazs.
我不值得你給我帶吃的 I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs.
我是個壞男人 I'm... I'm a badperson.
哦 Oh.
你不壞 You aren't a bad person.
你是個很複雜的人 You are a complicated person.
你不瞭解真正的我 You don't know the real me.
沒有真正的你 There isn't a real you.
是啊，我忘了 Oh, yeah. I forgot.
寶貝 Baby.
你跟我一起生活嗎? Do you want to move in with me?
什麼? What?
再說一遍 Say it again.
哦，羅斯 Oh, Rose
瑪麗 Marie
我愛你 I love you
我總是 I'm always
夢見你 Dreaming of you
我去接 I'll get it.
考夫曼和瑪蓋爾性別研究中心 Kaufman and Marguiles Center for Sexual Research.
安迪，我是喬治 Andy, it's George.
嗨，喬治，我可能幫你了你什麼 Hey, George. I'm not sure we can do anything for you.
安迪,我得到了不幸的消息 Yeah. Uh, Andy, uh, I got some crummy news.
哦 Oh.
汽車演出被取消 Taxi's been canceled.
不幸的消息? And the crummy news?
過來,我們談談好嗎? Do you want me to come over, we'll talk about it?
不行,現在我可以說是很忙 Um, no. I'm sorta busy right now.
那麼下星期見 I'll see you next week, though.
謝謝 Thanks.
放在那 Put it right there.
討厭 Yuck.
女士們,先生們,晚會開始 And now, ladies and gentlemen, a treat for staying late,
歡迎從出租車表演上 來的安迪·考夫曼先生 please welcome, from Taxi, the Improv's own Mr. Andy Kaufman!
其實,你們錯了 Actually, Bud, you're wrong.
今天發現， 出租車表演被取消了 I found out today that Taxi has been canceled.
什麼 What?
不是我妻子不許我來 Not to mention that my wife left me,
她是開玩笑 and she took the kids.
我不知道你們為什麼笑 我不是開玩笑 I don't understand why you're laughing. I'm not joking.
今天早上我起來發現我有 And then this morning I got up and I noticed that I have, um,
一個胞或者是癤子… a cyst or some kind of boil...
在我的後脖子上 on the back of my neck.
看 Look.
看見了嗎 See?
所以我在想 由於我還不是很痛 So I was thinking, since I'm still kind of a quasi-celebrity,
也許我能讓 你們觸摸一下我的胸 that maybe I could charge people to touch it.
有人願意出一美元 摸我的胸嗎? Would anybody like to pay a dollar to touch my cyst?
我是認真的 現在我真的很需要錢 I'm serious. I could really use the money right now.
這是個很好的交易 It 's a good deal.
好的 Oh, okay.
等等,你先付錢 Oh, wait, no. You gotta pay first.
一美元… It 's a dollar...
摸名人的胞 to touch my celebrity cyst.
好的 Okay.
Oww!
- 謝謝 - 不客氣 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
安迪你告訴我們… W-Would Andy like to tell us...
為什麼在凌晨4點 叫我們出來 why he called us out at 4:00 in the morning?
Um...
好的 yeah.
我得了癌癥 Uh, I have cancer.
別鬧了,別鬧了 Forget it. Forget it!
那是很可怕聽聞 - That is... That is in terrible taste.
我可不想與這有關 I don't wanna have anything to do with this. Nothing.
不,不,不,這很好 我們可以寫這個劇本 No, no, no, that's good. We can make that play.
我們只是把它說出來? Okay, and we'll really... We'll just drag it out. All right?
你好了,又變壞了 Y- You get better, you get worse.
你死了,然後又活了 No, you die, and then, uh, you come back to life.
很好笑 That's funny.
很好笑 That's funny,
不是假的,鮑勃 but, um, it's not a gag, Bob.
我得了癌癥 是肺癌 I got cancer. I got lung cancer.
肺癌 Lung cancer.
真荒謬,你有不抽煙 That's ridiculous. You don't even smoke.
我得的是奇怪的癥狀 I've got some freaky rare kind.
醫學上叫大細胞癌 It's called large-celled carcinoma.
Yea!
我是個幸運的傢伙 I'm a lucky guy.
- 又告訴家人嗎? - 沒有 - Have you told your family? - No. No.
我不想告訴他們 I don't want to tell them.
我已經麻煩… I've just...
他們很多了 jerked them around so much.
安迪,看著我的眼睛… Andy, look in my eye...
告訴我這是真的 and tell me this is true.
對不起 I'm sorry.
- 對不起,對不起 - 嗨 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Hey.
對不起 I'm sorry.
賴尼?等等,嗨,嗨,嗨 Lynne? Come on. Hey. Hey, hey.
等等 Wait up.
如果我發現 是你在後面操縱，我就殺了你 If I find out that you're behind this, I'll kill you, Zmuda!
你到底在說什麼,喬治? What the hell are you talkin' about, George?
我不是說我不相信他 I was the one who just said I didn't believe him.
你們兩個合起來騙我 That's just the kind of thing you two would work out to fuck me up.
你想知道事實嗎,孩子 Man] We want the truth, boy!
爸爸說萊西咬我 我也說是她幹的 My father said Lassie bit me, so I said she did too.
- 萊西不會要你，知道嗎 - 散庭 - Lassie never bit you, and you know it. - Case dismissed!
Dramatic]
爸爸? Dad?
癌細胞已經進入了安迪的肺部… The cancer started in Andy's lungs...
擴展到他的左臂 and spread to his left arm.
我們採取了侵略性的放射治療 We've initiated an aggressive radiation program.
- 看看是否能夠根除受感染的細胞 - 沙利文醫生 一線有電話找 - See if we can eradicate the affected cells. - Dr. Sullivan, line one.
對不起,失陪一會兒 Excuse me. I'll be right back.
胡說八道 What a crock.
你怎麼能輕視呢? How dare you make light of this?
當我看到他的壞脖子時 我哭了，他再也不能感動我了 I cried when he broke his neck. He's not getting me again.
天哪,卡羅爾,他得了癌癥 Jesus Christ, Carol, he's got lung cancer.
他想讓我們焦頭爛耳 He wants us scratching our heads,
問我們自己「這是真的嗎?」 asking ourselves, "Is this real?"
當然是真的,我們在醫院 Of course it 's real. We 're in a hospital.
媽媽,這是雪松醫科學校 Mom, it 's Cedars-Sinai.
這是實習醫院 It's a show biz hospital.
安迪工作室的朋友 可能掌管這個地方 Andy's studio friends, they probably run this place.
他策劃了這些事， 並雇了演員 He plans these things. He takes over and hires actors.
我個人來講， 醫生的話沒有說服力 Personally, I don't think that doctor guy was very convincing.
- 他穿錯了鞋 - 他穿的甚至不是醫生鞋 - His costume had the wrong shoes. - Didn't even have doctor shoes.
不,不,不,一派胡言 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's bullshit.
不要相信考夫曼的謊言 他騙了我們很多次 No more Kaufman stories. He's burned us too many times.
可靠消息告訴我 他確實得了癌癥 A very reliable source told me Andy Kaufman has lung cancer.
別說了,他不會死的 Oh, please. He's definitely not dying.
現在大白細胞正在襲擊癌細胞 Now those big white cells are attacking the cancer cells.
襲擊 Attacking.
我看見了,我看見了白細胞 I see them. I see the white cells.
- 襲擊 - 襲擊 - Attacking. - Attacking.
他是個演員 He's an actor.
我從他服飾上認出來的 I-I recognize him from The In-Laws.
是啊 Yeah. That's true.
他也是正個醫學受命的 But he's also ordained in holistic medicine.
Oh.
喬治,我應該怎麼做? George, what am I supposed to do?
我病了，我想好起來 可他們都以為我在開玩笑 I'm sick and I'm trying to get better, but everybody's looking at me funny.
我好像被一種 負面情緒所包圍著 I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy.
是你自己所造成的局面 You're surrounded by what you create.
- 好笑 - 安迪,你是負面情緒的製造者 - Great. - Andy, you're the king of negative energy.
- 這必須停止 - 安迪 - And it's gotta stop. - Andy.
如果這些負面因素傳出去 'Cause if these negative vibes get out,
每個人都會談論我有多嚴重 everybody's gonna be talking about how sick I am,
變成了一種本身 自然會實現的預言 and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
我怎麼幫你? How can I help you?
我想回去工作 I wanna go back to work.
- 你想在俱樂部巡迴演出? - 不，不是俱樂部 - You wanna tour the clubs? - No. No clubs.
我想到最上等的地方 I wanna reach the top.
卡內基音樂堂! Carnegie Hall!
我想把這個演播間修建 I want this show to build and build.
我想讓它成為 世上最大的演播間 I want it to be everything that's joyful in the world piled one on top of the other,
直到觀眾坐不下 帶著他們的孩子在我面前 until the audience can't stand it and they turn into children right in front of me.
- 我甚至可以有聖誕老人 - 是 - I might even have Santa Claus. - Oh, yeah.
你可以說,今年聖誕節我有什麼禮物?」 You can say, "Santa, what am I getting for Christmas this year?"
- 他說「癌癥」 - 不,那… - And he says "Cancer." - No, that...
不，那… 我不要那樣做 那太糟糕了 No, that's... I don't wanna do that. That's a bummer.
好,正經點,正經點,好… Uh, okay, positive, positive. Okay...
看,這真的是… Look, this is really, um, great...
- 聖誕老人和雪… - 是的 - Santa and snow and... - Yeah.
會化很多的錢 But it's gonna cost a fortune.
別擔心,沒問題 That's okay. Not a problem.
- 那麼誰付錢呢，安迪? - 托尼·克利夫頓 - Well, who's gonna pay for it, Andy? - Tony Clifton.
Oh.
安迪，你知道 托尼沒那麼多錢 Andy, you know, Tony doesn't have that kind of money.
別擔心,喬治 Don't you worry about that, George.
我比你瞭解托尼 他再工作十年就可以付清了 I know Tony better than you do, and even if he has to work another ten years to pay it off,
他會的 he'll do it.
Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah
Abi-dabi-dabu-eh
- Abu-day - Abu-day
- A-ki-chay-wah - A-ki-chay-wah
- Yaken-bu-day - Yaken-bu-day
- Ichen-di-bich - Ichen-di-bich
Yaki-di-shika-tala- ga-bola-ga-deba-ga-dili- ga-bohhhhhhhhhhhh
Ohhhhhhhhhh
Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah
I got spurs that jingle-j angle-j ingle
As I go ridin' merrily along
And they sing Oh, ain't you glad you're single
女士們,先生們 Ladies and gentlemen,
這是個幸福的夜 we are so very fortunate tonight,
因為我們和… because we have with us...
l931年出道電影界 現在仍健在的女牛仔一起共度今宵 the last surviving cowgirl from that 1931 film.
她今年94高壽 She's 94 years young.
埃莉諾·科迪·古爾德 Eleanor Cody Gould.
- I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle
As I go ridin' merrily along
你好，埃莉諾 你來這真是太好了 這是我們的榮幸 Hi, Eleanor. It's great to have you here. It's a real honor.
謝謝你，安迪 我很高興來這 對我來說真是太激動了 Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here. It's overwhelming to me.
還有更好的事 Well, it 's gonna get even better,
因為我們從您的電影裡找到了一匹原始馬 because we found one of the old original hobby horses from your movie.
你能為我們表演一下嗎 Do you think you could grace us with a couple of steps from "Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"?
- 好的… - 好,開始 - Oh, I don't think... - Okay, hit it!
"Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"]
快點,來 Faster! Come on!
快點,快點 Faster! Faster!
快點,來 Faster! Come on!
快點!快點!快點! Faster! Faster! Faster!
快點! Faster!
Oh!
安迪,停下。安迪 Andy, stop! Andy!
現場有醫生嗎?音樂停下 Is there a doctor in the house? Stop the music!
我們需要醫生 ... Uh, we need a doctor.
有嗎?請上來 Anyone? Please?
你可以叫我們叫救護車? Can you call us an ambulance?
感謝上帝 Praise the Lord!
她活了,哈利路亞 She's alive! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah
女士們,先生們 Ladies and gentlemen, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!
Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus
天啦 - Right down Santa Claus lane - Oh, my gosh!
簡直不敢相信 - Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer - I can't believe this!
太精彩了 It's the Rockettes!
Are pulling on the reins
Bells are ringing Children singing
All is merry and bright
Hang your stocking and say your prayers
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight
孩子們,你們不會相信 - Here comes Santa Claus - Boys and girls, you're not gonna believe this!
聖誕老人來了 Here comes Santa Claus!
He's got a bag that's filled with toys
For the boys and girls again
Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle
What a beautiful sight
Jump in bed Cover up your head
因為你們都是好孩子 Since you've all been such good boys and girls,
我要帶所有的觀眾出去… I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out...
喝牛奶吃點心 for milk and cookies!
外面有車 大家跟我來 There are buses outside! Everybody follow me!
別急,人人都有份 Don't worry, folks! There's enough milk and cookies for everyone!
我們走。我們走 Let's go, let's go, let's go!
聖誕快樂 Merry Christmas!
現在我們要放上藍色水晶 And now we'll place the blue crystal.
有很高的振動 Very high vibrations,
對治療… and it's wonderful, wonderful...
有神奇的療效 for its healing powers.
好,我們試試兩個 Okay. Let's try two of those.
再試一個粉紅的 And another pink one.
好的 All right.
哈 Hah!
看起來像我的狗嘔吐的東西 Looks like somethin' my dog puked up.
我和美女出去吃頓飯怎麼樣? How 'bout me and you dolls go out and get some real food?
當然 Sure.
炸薯條和上等腰肉排骨 French fries and a porterhouse steak.
或者我們不吃肉 直接去蒙太奇 Or we could skip the meal and go right to the "montage a trois."
你和另外的女人在一起嗎? Have you ever been with another woman?
象廚房的炊事員 Well, like, in the kitchen and stuff, yeah.
來,給你,這有用 Okay, hey, here. This'll help.
Ah!
- 好啊 - 來 ,把這戴在臉上 - Okay. - Here. Put that on your face.
- 好 - 好了 - Yeah. - There you go.
- 嗨 - 現在你們分辨不出來了吧。 - Hi. - Now you can't even tell the difference.
我們可以把這所有的加在湯裡 Well, we could put all of this together in a soup.
可以假稱為上等的腰肉牛排,安迪 Then we could pretend it's a porterhouse steak, Andy.
我不是安迪 I am not Andy.
安迪病了 Andy is sick.
脆弱 Chick, pick, wick, lick!
不強壯 Dick!
反之我是越來越壯了 Whereas I am getting stronger and stronger.
- 嗨,安迪 - 嗨 - Hi, Andy. - Hey.
嗨 Hey.
想摔交嗎? You wanna wrestle?
鮑勃和我… Bob and I...
提出了… came up...
一個… with a...
關於電視節目的想法 an idea for a TV show.
把它變成星期天早上的節目… It'll be a Saturday morning kind of thing...
我可以跟小孩在那玩 where I can goof off with the kids.
是的 Yeah.
我們可以出售,安迪 We can sell that, Andy.
醫生說… Did your doctor say it's okay...
可以回去工作嗎? to go back to work?
沒有,但他會的 No, but he will.
Yeah.
因為… 'Cause...
我要去菲律賓 I'm going to the Philippines.
菲律賓? 去菲律賓幹什麼? The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
創造奇跡 A miracle.
我們見面後再說… I just want to say, until we meet again...
請記住- please remember...
In this friendly friendly world
With each day so full of joy
Why should any heart
Be lonely
In this friendly friendly world
With each night so full of dreams
Why should any heart
Be afraid
這是個友好的世界 Yep, it's a friendly world.
我們應該像兄弟姐妹 We should all treat each other like brothers and sisters.
那麼每個人 握住你旁邊人的手… So everybody put your arm around the person sitting next to you...
跟著音樂的節奏搖擺 and sway back and forth in rhythm to the music.
開始,各位 Come on. Everybody.
即使你不喜歡你旁邊的人, 也沒關係? Even if you don't like the person sitting next to you. Okay?
當我說「好了」 你們跟著說「好了」行嗎? When I say "okay," you say "Okay!" Okay?
行 Okay.
- 好了 - 好了 - Okay. - Okay.
好了 Okay.
大家都唱 「世界是個美麗的地方」 Everybody sing, "The world is such a wonderful place."
- The world is such a wonderful place
To wander through
跟著節奏 Follow the bouncing ball.
When you've got someone you love
To wander along with you
天空佈滿了星星 With the sky so full of stars.
With the sky so full of stars
江河唱著歌 And the river so full of song. River so full of song
Every heart should be
So thankful
謝謝這個友好的世界 Thankful for this friendly, friendly world.
Thankful for this friendly, friendly
World
謝謝你們… Thank you...
謝謝這個友好的世界 for this friendly, friendly world.
謝謝你們… Thank you...
再見 and good-bye.
安迪 Andy! Ohh!
安迪 ... Andy!
安迪,安迪 Andy! Andy!
安迪?今晚你們想見安迪嗎? Andy? You guys wanna see Andy tonight?
- 有人有手電簡和鐵鏟嗎? - Anybody got a flashlight and a couple of shovels?
好,各位,我們來潔理髒東西 Okay, guys, let's do our dirt!
First I was afraid
I was putrefied
Kept thinkin' I could never live
Without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
A-thinkin' how you did me wrong
- And I grew strong Mid-tempo Disco]
And I learned to get along
And now I'm back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should've changed that stupid lock
I should've asked you for the key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go Walk out the door
Don't turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with "good-bye"
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh, no, not I I will "sur-vivvy"
As long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay "aleeve"
I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give
I will "sur-veev"
I will "sur- veev"
I
Will
"Sur-veev"
我會活著！我會活著！ 我會活著！ I will survive! I will survive! I will survive!
我會活著 我會活著 I will survive! I will survive!
我會活著！ I will survive!
Mott the Hoople and the game of Life
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Andy Kaufman and the wrestling match
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Monopoly, Twenty-one Checkers and Chess
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mr. Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now, Andy, did you hear about this one
Tell me, are you locked in the punch
Hey, Andy are you goofing on Elvis
Hey, baby
Are we losing touch
If you believed
They put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believe
There 's nothing up his sleeve
- Then nothing is cool - Nothing
If you believed
They put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believe
There 's nothing up his sleeve
- Then nothing is cool - Nothing
If you believed
They put a man on the moon
Man on the moon
If you believe
There 's nothing up his sleeve
- Then nothing is cool - Nothing
I watch the stars fall silent
From your eyes
All the sights that I have seen
I can't believe that I believed
I wish that you could see
There's a new planet in the solar system
There is nothing up my sleeve
I'm pushin' an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossin' up punch lines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground
I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons
I'm keepin' flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
I want the hummingbirds
The dancing bears
Sweetest dreams of you
And look into the stars
And look into the moon
I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground
I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great
Answers from the great
Answers
I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great
Answers from the great
Answers
Well, it 's time
To say
Good-bye
It's been good
Having you
So near
Although I've got to leave
It 's the end
I'll always be stayin'
Right here
So, all my friends good-bye
It's just about that time
Wish that I could do
Just one more song For you
再見,各位,晚安 Good-bye, everybody! Thank you! Good night!
晚安 Good night!
晚安 Okay! Great! Good night!