我们为什么打架? *******
我们内心深处有股怎样的力量\n迫使我们用拳头摆平异见? **thing deep within each of us,that compels\nus to settle disagreements with our fists?
不管它是何物\n总伴随拳架始终 Whatever it is,it's there\nright from the beginning.
够了 够了 够了 别打了! Okay,okay,okay. Stop fighting!
为什么? Why?
因为打架很很蠢很天真 Because it's stupid and juvenile.
我们才六岁\n我们就是很蠢很天真的 We're six. We are stid and juvenile.
别打了 别打了! Okay,okay!
孩子们 我这辈子只打过一回架 Kids,I've only been in\none fight in my life.
这个故事讲的就是打架缘由 And this is the story\nof how it happened.
你们知道\n额最近在婚礼上被人甩了 Now,as you know,I recently\nhad been left at the altar.
在婚礼上被人甩了最可悲的是什么? And the worst thing about\ngetting left at the altar?
除了在婚礼上被人甩了这事以外\n还有其他的更悲的事 I mean,aside from actually getting\nleft at the altar,was what came next.
就是那一股滔滔不绝的无休无止的\n令人无法忍受的同情洪流 A steady unrelenting\nunbearable stream of pity.
伏特加红加伦 汤利水 Vodka cranberry. Gin and tonic.
威士忌和苏打水 Scotch and soda.
多谢 Um,thank you.
我可以点菜了吗? Could I see a menu?
Ted 我这就去给你拿一份菜单... Ted,Im going to go get you a menu...
而且我保证我一定会回来的 but I promise you I will come back.
好了 我们要换个地方吃饭了 Okay,we have to start\ngoing someplace else.
在这个酒吧 我总是被看做\n一个在婚礼上被甩了的可怜虫 At this bar,I'm always going to be\nthe guy who got left at the altar.
太讨厌了! That sucks!
美好的时光啊 Good times.
- 我们就当 Barney不存在好了\n- 你什么意思? - We lost Barney.\n- What do you mean?
那边有个穿着紧身红毛衣的妞儿 There's a girl over there\nin a tight red sweater.
他听不下我们说的任何一个字的 So he's not listening to\na word anyone's saying.
对吧 Barney? Right,Barney?
别理我! Give me a break!
瞧 等他回过神来\n就能编出一长串的鬼话 See,he figured out a while back he\ncould fake an entire conversation
只需说说七八十年代\n那些讽刺喜剧的片名就行了 just by saying titles of black\nsitcoms from the 70's and 80's.
怎么了? What's happening?
嘿 Barney 想到楼上对我做些\n我都甚至不会让Marshall做的事吗? Hey,Barney,want to go upstairs and do stuff\nto me that I won't even let Marshall do?
我俩不是一水准的 different strokes.
这到底怎么回事 ? What the hell is this?
孩子们 我跟你们提过Doug的\n对吧? I've told you kids about Doug,right?
没有嘛? 哦 那好吧... I haven't? Oh,well...
Doug Martin是MacLaren's酒吧的酒保 Doug Martin was a\nbartender at MacLaren's.
他总是会在人周围晃悠 He was always kind of around.
- 你... 有没有见过Ted?\n- 什么? 别 别 别 - Have... you met Ted?\n- What? No,no,no.
我们今天不用这招 We're not playing "Have you met Ted?"
我死了没? 我死了没? Am I dead? Am I dead?
今晚 ... 我要钓一个拉拉 Tonight... I pick up a lesbian.
你们必须知道关于Doug的三件事 Anyway,three things you\nneed to know about Doug.
第一件是Doug有点暴力倾向... The first thing is\nthat Doug had a bi ...
脑袋破了 他倒在地上 知道吧? just crumbled,so he's\non the ground,right?
我们死命踢他! \n他的整张脸啊 都在抽搐 And we're just kicking him! He's\nmaking that face,all shaking.
然后 我们最后做的\n就是把他扔在那里 So,anyway,what we did\nwas we left him there.
给你满上? Top you off?
第二件就是他对自己的发型神经过敏 The second thing is that\nhe was weird about his hair.
- 怎么?\n- 怎么? - What?\n- What?
你盯着我的发型看吗? Are you looking at my hair?
没有 老兄 我没有 Uh,no,sir. I-I was not.
假发又怎么了 It's a toupee.
好玩嘛? 你们想取笑一番吧 伙计们? \n对吧? Is that funny? You want to laugh\nit up? Is it funny,guy? Is it?
我想说 你干嘛不来抓一把? I'll tell you what,why don't\nyou,why don't you grab it?
- 什么?\n- 来吧 来抓一把 - Excuse me?\n- Go ahead,grab it.
把它从我头上抓下来 来吧 Grab it right off my head. Go ahead.
你不想抓吗? Huh,you don't want to grab it?
来吧 来吧 \n来抓一把? Come on. Come on,go\nahead and grab it,huh?
想把它从我头上抓下吗? Want to grab it off my head?
把我的假发从头上抓下吧 Grab my toupee right off my head.
我喜欢你们! I like you guys!
第三件就是他对常客非常忠心 But the third thing is that he\nwas very loyal to his regulars.
你们来啦! There they are!
- 嘿 你们想要做平常的那桌吗?\n- 哦 不必了 - Hey,you guys want your booth?\n- Oh,no.
- 我们坐这儿挺好的\n- 真的? 真的? 好吧 - We're fine over here.\n- Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
可能忠心的过头了 Maybe a little too loyal.
哦 不必了 这样挺好的 Oh,no,it's fine,it's fine.
好了 你们老两口! Okay,you two lovebirds!
去别处慢用吧-- 此桌已被预定了 Les take this somewhere\nelse-- booth's reserved.
走吧! 马上! 快点! Let's go! Now! Come on!
动作快点 神父 快走吧 Let's see some htle,Father. Up you get.
好了 伙计们 搞掂了! Okay,guys,here we are!
这就是Doug其人 So,that's Doug.
这TM怎么回事? What the hell is this?
哦 有人坐着我们的桌子呢 Oh,um,well,some guys\nare sitting in our booth.
但你瞧 没事的 But you know what? This is fine.
行了 我来搞掂它 Let's go,I'll take care of it.
哦 天啊 他过去了 Oh,boy,there he goes.
女士们 敬请回到你们老位子去 Ladies,if you'll please\nadjourn to your usual booth.
先生们 \n我需要你们到外边给我帮个手 Gentlemen,I will require\nyour assistance outside.
帮个手干嘛啊? Our assistance with what?
我们要出到走廊去\n和那群家伙干上一架 We're going to go out in the\nalley and fight those guys.
现在是怎么回事? What's happening now?
老爸老妈浪漫史\n第四季 第10集 How I Met Your\nMother Season04 Episode10
抱歉 你刚才说我们要... I'm sorry,did you just\nsay we were gonna...
瞧 那些家伙目中无人 对吧? Look,those guys are\nbeing inconsiderate,okay?
所以我们要出去\n打得他们满地找牙 好吧? So we're going to go outside\nand cave in their skulls,okay?
真会很爽的! This will be fun!
他要我们去打架? He wants us to fight?
赤手空拳的? Like,with our hands and stuff?
脚也许也用上吧? 我还真不知道其中规则 And feet maybe? I don't\nknow what the rules are.
哇 打架耶 我们要出去吗? Wow,a fight. Should we go out there?
得了吧 Ted \n要想看我打架只有这三种情况: Come on,Ted. There's only three\nthis you'll ever see me fight:
难缠的胸罩扣子\n指控我性骚扰--没一次告成功的 the stubborn clasp of a bra,Sexual\nharassment charges-- nine for nine--
还有当我看到有人穿着黑色西服\n搭配棕色皮鞋让我作呕时 And the urge to vomit when I see someone\nwearing brown shoes with a black suit.
Marshall?\nMarshall?
伙计 打架是丧家犬的事\n我们是文明人 Dude,fighting is for\nlosers. We're civilized guys.
文明人是不打架的 Civilized guys don't fight.
除非武器是绝地武士的激光剑\n但这至少也是三五年以后的事了 所以... Unless it's with lightsabers. But that's\nlike three to five years away,so...
嗯 那可不见得 Well,that's not true.
Robin 我天天逛论坛的 Robin,I'm on the forums every day.
至少要再过3-5个感恩节\n我才能拿着绿色激光剑切割火鸡 Three to five Thanksgivings from now,I'm\ngoing to be carving e turkey with Old Green.
不是的 \n我说的是打架有很多正当理由-- No,I'm saying there are plenty of\nlegitimate reasons to get in a fight--
可能不是很多\n但是特殊情况 你只能这么办了 it might not be pretty,but in certain\nsituations,you gotta do what you gotta do.
好吧 我差点忘了\n她觉得打架很性感 Right,I forgot. She\nthinks fighting's sexy.
不 我才没有! \n是非常性感... No,I do not! A lot...
瞧 我受曲棍球队员精神影响很深 Look,I come from a\nculture of hockey players.
如果有人把对方撂倒\n这还真蛮性感的 If a guy can throw\ndown,it's somewhat way hot.
还有伤疤 天啊! And scars,hello!
身上如有疤 Robin心随他 If a guy's got a scar,he's got a Robin.
嘴里缺颗牙 我裤子都脱下 And if he's missing teeth?\nI'm missing my pants.
我拔了几颗智齿的 I'm missing my wisdom teeth.
一般的门诊手术 Outpatient procedure.
局部麻醉\n管他呢 不值一提 Local anesthesia.\nWhatever. It ain't a thing.
瞧 也许我们真该出去 Look,maybe we should go out there.
真难以置信我们还讨论这种话题 I can't believe we're even\nhaving this discussion.
Ted 你都30岁了\n要打架你忒老了点 Ted,you're 30; you're\ntoo old to act like this.
我30岁了\n在这30年里我被揍过一回 I was 30 and in those 30\nyears I'd been punched once.
我简单解释一下... There's a very simple explana...
还有夏令营那一次 There was that thing at camp.
今天 我们来编织友谊手镯 Today,we're going to\nbraid friendship bracelets.
大学时 我学了点功夫 In college,I studied some Kung Fu.
还有一些其他玩意 And well,there was some other stuff.
关于这只羊的事\n过了几个月就解决了 The thing with the goat\nwasn't for another few months.
问题是 我从没打过架 The point is,I had\nnever been in a fight.
- 我要出去\n- 不! - I'm going out there.\n- No!
伙计 请听我讲 相信我\n我打架无数 Dude,listen to me,please,trust\nme,I've been in plenty of fights.
这没什么值得骄傲的 It's really nothing to be proud of.
你和谁打架? Who did you get in a fight with?
我亲兄弟 My brothers.
没错 我敢肯定Eriksen那混乱的房间里\n可展开过一场混战啊 Yes,I'm sure that was quite a\nrumble in the Eriksen rumpus room.
我爱兄弟胡闹! I love brotherly horseplay!
挠痒怪物来啦! Here comes the tickle monster!
揉死你! Noogie patrol!
慢着 慢着 慢着! 暂停! 暂停! Wait,wait,wait! Timesies! Timesies!
热可可时间到了 Cocoa break.
哦 热可可时间 Oh,cocoa break.
好吧 打架时间到了 Okay,it's clobbering time.
Ted 别这样 你是个好人 Ted,don't do this; you're a nice guy.
这是你最好的品德 That's your best quality.
真的吗? Is it?
因为我看到这个老好人被未婚妻甩了\n投奔到跆拳道教练那儿去了 'Cause I seem to remember this nice guy getting\ndumped by his fianc\e for a Tae Kwon Do instructor.
瞧 这很疯狂\n但我想我必须这么做 Look,this may sound crazy,but\nI think I need to do this.
我...我想我需要有这样的经历 I-I think this is an\nexperience I need to have.
吾往矣 I'm going.
我也去! Me,too!
伙计们... Guys...
好好看看这张脸\n因为下次你们再看到它时 take a good look at this\nface,because the next time you see it,
它已经被毁成最性感的样子了 it will be disfigured in\nthe hottest possible way.
因为我就是这样的-- \n我是一个男子汉 Because that's who\nI am-- I'm a man.
我喜欢打架 摆平对方\n清理一切 I like to fight and mix\nit up and get all dirty.
你能帮我找个木钩挂起来吗? Can you find a wood hanger for this?
哇 怎么回事? Whoa,what happened here?
我就知道 对吧? I know,right?
现在谁还敢不看我的假发 哈? Who's not looking at my toupee now,huh?
- 瞧瞧咱们给他们好看!\n- 咱们? - Look what we did to these guys!\n- We?
没错 "咱们" 来吧 伙计\n我们合作得不错 Yeah,"we." Come\non,man,we're a good team.
干得好 小子! 我们赢了! Nice work boys! We did it!
不 不 不 是你干的\n我们啥也没做 No,no,no,you did it.\nWe didn't do anything.
好吧 没错 当然了\n我一个人把他们三打趴了 Okay,yeah,yeah,sure,I just\nbeat up three guys by myself.
伙计们 太棒了 You guys. That's good.
你 还有你--终身免费喝酒 You and you-- free\ndrinks for life.
他认为我们帮他打架了 He thinks we were in\nthis fight with him.
我们确实帮他打架了 We were in this fight with him.
现在 我们回到屋里 告诉大家\n我们把这些家伙撂倒的传奇过程 And now we are going to go in there and tell everyone\nthe legendary tale of how we beat up some guys.
大家都会觉得这真太帅了\n排着队来和我上床 And everyone is going to think it's great\nand everyone is going to sleep with me again.
伙计 得了 没人会相信我们打架了的\n--瞧瞧我们身上 Dude,come on,no one is gonna believe\nwe were in a fight-- look at us.
哦 打得好... Oh,that's a good...
你干嘛啊? What are you doing?
干我早该干的事 What I should've done a long time ago.
- 什么?\n- 我也不知道 我刚打了自己的眼睛! - What?\n- I don't know,I just hit myself in the eye!
我甚至都不知自己在说什么了 I don't even know\nwhat I'm saying--
我使出了完美的右勾拳 顺带一提 I throw an awesome\nright hook,by the way.
- 好了 你准备好了没?\n- 回屋去吗? - Okay,are you ready?\n- To go back in?
不 接我一拳 No,for this.
天啊! 你刚打了我的鼻子! God! You just punched me in the nose!
你哭啦? Are you crying?
没错 我哭了! Yes,I'm crying!
你刚打了我的鼻子! You just punched me in the nose!
哦 这肿的形状真可爱 Oh,that's going to swell up real good.
你看着像Owen Wilson\n(大鼻子演员) You're going to look like Owen Wilson.
好了 咱回屋里去吧 Okay,let's get back in there.
好的 但是低调一点 好吧? Okay,but just,let's\njust play this down,okay?
我不想搞得轰轰烈烈的 I don't want this to\nturn into a big thing.
然后把鞋子脱了! \n打他的嘴... 嘿 他们回来了! and takes his shoe off! Hits him\nin the mouth... Hey,there they are!
帮了我一把的战友! The guys that got my back!
你俩打架啦 真的? You two got in a fight. Really?
没有 Barney给我和他自己各一拳\n看着像是我们打架了 Uh,no,Barney punched me and himself in the\nface to make it look like we got in a fight.
够了 Marshall! Come on,Marshall!
哇 瞧瞧你的眼睛 Wow,look at your eye.
你看起来像个坏家伙 You look like a badass.
我真惊讶从我心底看到了坏坏你 I'm surprised to see you had it in me.
呃...是从你心底 看到了你自己 You. Had it in you.
你...想摸摸吗? Do you... want to touch it?
哦 天啊 还是暖的! Oh,my God,it's warm!
庆功之酒! Victory drinks!
免费！免费！免费！免费！ Free! Free! Free! Free!
盛惠7.5美元 7.50
为啥我要给钱? Why do I have to pay?
因为你没有陪我打架\n他们可是跟我并肩作战的 'Cause you don't got my\nback. These guys got my back.
好吧 Doug \n我给得心甘情愿 知道为啥不? You know what,Doug? I will\ngladly pay. And you know why?
因为这才是成年人做的事 Because that's what grownups do.
喝酒给钱 而且不打架 They pay for their drinks,and\nthey don't get into fights.
当你们在外面打架的时候 \n知道我在干嘛吗? You know what I was doing,while you\nguys were out there being immature?
- 让我告诉你们吧\n- 修指甲? - I'll tell you what I was doing.\n- Your nails?
不是 我在-- No.I was\ndoing--
做Cosmo杂志上的情感测试? The relationship quiz\nin this month's Cosmo?
当然不是 我在-- No.I was\ndoing--
看欲望都市看到\nBig重回Carrie身边时强忍住不哭? Your best not to cry when Big came back for\nCarrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?
- 不是\n- 别那么损好不好? - No.\n- Spoilers much?
才不是呢 让我告诉你们吧 我在-- No. I'll tell you\nwhat I was doing--
穿着露背晚装在返校节上\n美美的向橄榄球队长献身 The captain of the football team\nbecause he gave you his promise ring
因为他拿着戒指跟你求婚? and you look so pretty in your\nopen back Homecoming dress?
对不起 Sorry.
那些家伙太讨厌了! I hate those guys!
装作好像宇宙间\n最有男子气概的人那样 Acting like they're the\nmanliest guys in the universe,
装什么鳄鱼邓迪 \n海岸救护队的David Hasselhoff like they're Crocodile\nDundee and David Hasselhoff.
他们很有男子气概吗? Those are the manliest\nguys in the universe?
真的不知道他们怎么会这么受欢迎? I don't understand why they're\ngetting all this attention.
我是说 我才是真英雄呢 I mean,I'm the real hero here.
没错 你真是个英雄 Mm,yeah,you are.
我是说真的 \n婆娘 把腿挪开 I'm serious,woman. Put\nit back in your pants.
Marshall 你才是男孩子的学习榜样\n女孩子的梦中情人 Marshall,you're the man every boy should\ngrow up to become and every girl should marry.
你知道吗? You know what?
我班里有两个整天打架的孩子 I have two kids in my class\nwho won't stop fighting.
如果你明天能来我们班\n跟他们讲一下今晚你反对暴力的故事 If you come to school tomorrow and tell them\nyour story of choosing the path of nonviolence,
或许会让他们醒悟过来 it might really set them strait.
我还不用早起备课了呢 And save me having to get up\nearly to make a lesson plan.
好吧 就这么定了 我要让他们醒悟 All right. Okay. I'll set them straight.
- 你真是个软脚虾\n- 啥?才不呢! - You're a wuss.\n- What? No!
熊猫Mahatma\n跟考拉Martin Luther的故事告诉你们-- Mahatma Panda and Martin Luther Koala are\ntelling you kids this story to illustrate--
告诉我们说你是个软脚虾? To illustrate that you're a wuss?
你怎么不直接揍翻那些家伙呢? Why didn't you just fight those guys?
你害怕了吗? Were you scared?
啥玩意儿? 没可能 \n我才不会害怕呢! What? Pssht! No! I wasn't scared!
我可是个打架王 知道不? I've been in plenty of fights,okay?
你身型很巨大啊 You're huge!
肯定有一千磅重吧 You must weigh like a thousand pounds.
第一 我今天穿的衣服比较肥大\n还是横纹的 Okay,first of all,I'm wearing a baggy\nsweater,and it has horizontal stripes.
我还--我今天的午饭吃得比较咸 And I also-- and I\nhad a salty lunch...
而且我还没--\n算了 闭嘴! And so I'm retain--\nYou know what? Shut up!
软脚虾! Wuss!
你们就这么揍了他们? Wow,so,you just beat those guys up?
就这么? Just?
Amanda 可没这么简单的 Oh,Amanda,were it so simple.
知道吗 徒手格斗不单单是 You see,hand to hand combat\nis about so much more than
把拳头狠狠地\n挥到你对手脸上就行的了 是不? B just administering brute\nforce on your opponent,right B?
可不是 You know it!
这可是一种拳术 It's a science.
考究的艺术哦 The sweet science,as it were.
等等 我想问一下\n那些家伙干了什么? Wait,I'm confused,what did\nthose guys do to deserve it?
- 都是些小事情 他们坐了我们的专座\n- 他们坐了我们的专座 - Well,this may sound petty,but they sat in ourooth.\n- They sat in our booth.
- 没人可以...\n- 没有任何人 - And nobody...\n- Nobody.
可以坐我们的专座 sits in our booth.
你们要揍翻他们吗? Are you going to beat those guys up?
当然 揍翻那些家伙\nTed 上 yes,we are going to beat\nthose guys up. Ted,come on.
你们两个 这是我们的专座\n滚 立刻滚! You two. Our booth. Get out. Now!
你在干嘛? What are you doing?
放宽心吧 有Doug在\n他会帮我们撑场的 Relax,we got Doug. Big\nDoug's got our backs.
想得美 今晚Doug不在 Yeah,Doug's not here tonight.
有什么可以效劳的吗?\n要喝的? 要钱? Can I get you guys\nanything? Drinks? Cash?
还是那边俩女孩? Those two girls over there?
你就是Ted Mosby? Are you Ted Mosby?
没错 我就是 Um,uh,yeah,I am.
而你就是Barney Stinson? And you're Barney Stinson?
他们听过我们的威名 They've heard of us.
没事儿 伙计 It's cool,guys.
呃... 乖乖滚出去\n我们不会为难你们的 We'll,uh,let you leave\nwith your asses unkicked.
下不为例了! This time.
知道不? A'ight?
这--这是啥? What's,uh,what's this?
- 你们有的受了\n- 告你们伤人 - You've been served.\n- You're being sued for assault.
好好享受你们的专座吧 Enjoy your booth.
九死一生啊 That was close.
伤人! 他们要告我们伤人! Assault! They're suing us for assault!
伤人罚什么的? Okay,well,what's the\npenalty for assault?
怎么了 要罚款吗? What,do I have to pay a fine?
还是罚在高速公路捡垃圾? Pick up trash on the highway?
我以前高速公路上可捡过不少好东西呢\n知道什么意思吧? 'Cause I've done that\nbefore,know what I me?
我不知道 I don't know.
实际上 他知道这事最多是个民事纠纷 Actually,he did know that the worst we were\nlooking at was a small civil settlement,
没什么可能构成刑事罪 and probably no criminal charges.
可他对我们真的很生气 But he was really pissed at us.
我是说 你们很可能\n要在监狱度过一段时间了 I mean,you guys could be looking\nat some serious prison time.
- 监狱?\n- 我不想去监狱! - Prison?\n- I can't go to prison!
我还有那么多书要读呢\n我没准还能写点短篇小说呢 I mean,I could get a lot of reading\ndone,finally write some short stories.
要不就健身也行 Work out all the time.
说真的 如果我还能活着从里面出来的话 Seriously,if I don't come\nout there completely ripped--
Ted 我们不能进监狱! Ted,we can't go to prison!
不死也要掉层皮的! People get shivved in the joint!
而且那里的伙食很烂 Plus the meals are really starchy.
你们跟人打架时应该好好想想后果 Well,you guys should have thought\nof that before you bt up those guys.
如果我们没有呢? What if we didn't?
- 没有什么? Ted\n- 没有打他们 - Didn't what,Ted?\n- Didn't beat up those guys.
如果是Doug一个人揍翻那些家伙的\n我们完全没动过手呢? What if Doug beat up tho guys all\nby himself and we didn't do anything?
我就知道! I knew it!
我就知道! 我就知道! 我就知道! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
你们俩一拳都没出过 You guys didn't throw a single punch.
事实上 我给了Ted跟我自己一拳 \n所以... Well,I hit Ted and myself,so...
看看现在谁才是软脚虾? Well,who's the wuss now?
答案是:你们俩 Answer: You guys.
听着 你就不可以先帮帮我们吗? Look,can you just help\nus get out of this?
有句老话说得好: You know the old expression:
没有金刚钻 别揽瓷器活儿 If you're not prepared to do the\ntime don't pretend to do the crime
你们还要又唱又笑喝着免费啤酒\n还阴阳怪气的嘲笑 and laugh and get free drinks and\nnot stand up for your friend who,
你们事实上以前整天跟他兄弟练手的朋友 incidentally,has been in plenty\nof fights with his brothers.
听着 你可要帮帮我们 Marshall Look,you've got to help us out,Marshall.
我们可是三剑客啊! We're the Three Musketeers!
如果我出卖Ted的话 我要坐多久? If I give up Ted,how\nmuch time am I looking at?
嘿 伙计们! Hey,guys!
Barney 我正找你呢 Barney,I've been looking for you.
我有 呃--今晚的曲棍球赛的票 \n我有点傻哈 I got,uh,tickets to this hockey\ngame tonight. It's stupid.
有兴趣吗? You want to go?
估计会挺晚的 所以...\n看完比赛后我们可以去喝点东西 It might go kind of late,so,maybe,after\nthe game we can grab a drink.
嘿 Robin 听着 记得那场打斗不? Oh,hey,Robin,get this.\nYou know that fight?
他们骗人的 These guys faked the whole thing.
我忘了! 今晚不方便啊 Oh,I forgot! Tonight is no good.
我--我今晚去不了曲棍球赛了\n我要 呃... I uh,I can't go to that hockey\ngame tonight,I got that,uh...
我要 呃... That,uh...
我要 呃... that,uh...
我要 呃... That,uh...
我要 呃... 我要 呃... That,uh... That,uh...
好消息--我跟那些家伙谈好了 Good news-- I\ntalked to the guys.
什么人? What guys?
没有被你们揍翻的家伙 The guys you didn't beat up.
他们决定撤诉了\n砰! 律师的威力 They agreed to drop the\nlawsuit. Boom! Lawyered.
啥? 他们同意撤诉了? What? They agreed to drop it?
没错 我只不过\n跟他们说你们俩是软脚虾而已 Yeah,I just explained\nthat you two are wusses.
我们大笑了一通 \n久久不能停止啊 说真的 We had a good laugh about that.\nA good long laugh,actually.
我跟他们说你们每个月都要去美甲 I explained how you get\na mani/pedi once a month.
每个星期都去的 密歇根土包子\n我可是很注重小节的 Weekly,Wolverine--\nsome of us care.
还有你在卫斯理大学舞蹈社团\n是玩榔头扬琴的 And how you played the hammer dulcimer in\nthe Pre-Reformation Dance Society at Wesleyan.
那你有跟他们说我们是\n"小长春藤盟校"的创始学校的一员吗? Did you at least tell them we were one of the\npremier Medieval chamber groups in the Little Ivies?
我说了 Oh,I did.
我们都认为\n一个人放倒了他们三个 And we all agreed it was much more likely\nthat one guy beat up the three of them
比你们参与了这次殴斗更有可能 \n所以... than that you two had\nanything to do with it,so...
等等 这--这么说他们现在只告Doug咯? Wait,so... so now\nthey're only suing Doug.
毫无疑问 Affirmative.
亢奋的 野蛮的 暴力的Doug Angry,irrational,violent Doug,
现在估计已经知道是我们出卖了他 who now knows we were the ones\nwho threw him under the bus.
他们要怎么我? They what?
- 听着 Doug 我们可以解释 \n- 解释个啥? - Look,Doug,we can\nexplain-- - Explain what?
解释你们怎么在我面前背后捅我一刀?\n(够有难度的...当面背后捅...) Explain how you stabbed me\nin the back right to my face?
- Robin 我好害怕\n- 我也是 Doug有跟什么人约会吗? - Robin,I'm scared.\n- Yeah,is Doug seeing anyone?
你有跟人约会吗? \n你真该找个人好好约会去了 Are you seeing anyone?\nYou really should.
Doug 你不理解 \n是你自个儿把那些人打倒的 Doug,look,you don't understand,you\nbeat up those guys all by yourself.
这是事实 知道不? 他们与此无关 It's true,all right? They\nhad nothing to do with it.
我的意思是... 看看他们两个 I mean... look at these two.
都是Ted干的! It was all Ted!
- 看看这家伙\n- 没错 看看我! - Look at this guy.\n- Yeah,look at me!
要他打架的话 五分钟就趴倒了 He wouldn't last five\nminutes in a fight.
我想我至少能坚持五分钟的-- Well,I think I could\nlast at least five--
他那些肌肉好像拉面一样 He's got the muscle\ndefinition of linguini.
没错 肉丸拉面-- 看着 Yeah,linguini with\nmeatballs maybe-- check it.
- Ted Ted 别这样\n- 瞧瞧! - Ted,Ted,don't.\n- Look!
好吧 就算在我头上吧 Okay,you know what,maybe it was just me.
实际上 还真是那么回事 Actually,you know what,that\nmakes a lot of sense.
我是有点晕晕乎乎的 I tend to black out a lot.
无论如何 听着\n我每次都支持你们的 Anyway,look,I always got your back.
我只想要你们都支持回我而已 All I ask in return\nis that you got mine.
可知道不? 你们没有\n你们太不可靠了 But you know what? You don't.\nYou can't be counted on.
怪不得你未婚妻抛弃你了 No wonder your fianc\e left you.
孩子们 这就是我一生中唯一的一次打架 And here it is,kids,the\nonly fight I've ever been in.
从中能得到什么教训呢? So what can I share\nabout the experience?
这么说吧 \n你终于动手狠狠一拳打向某人的脸 Well,for starters,when you\npunch someone in the face,
你的手会很痛...非常痛 it hurts your hand...a lot.
可有什么事是更加痛的呢? But what hurts even more than that?
那就是... This.
接着我就晕倒了 醒来之后... And the next thing I\nremember was waking up.
好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧 Okay,I'm all warmed\nup. Let's do this thing.
由此看来打架这主意太差了 Turns out getting in a\nfight was a terrible idea.
这就是我的故事 And that's my story.
而你从中学到了什么呢? And what did you learn?
我懂得了打架是不好的 Well,I learned that fighting is bad
以后都不能再这么干了 and you shouldn't do it ever.
有没有问题? Any questions?
我 你在哪儿找到这些人的? Yeah,where do you find these people?
我知道! I know!
是不是软脚虾超市大减价呢? Was there a big sale at the wuss market?
软脚虾! 软脚虾! 软脚虾! Wuss! Wuss! Wuss!
当然 我没有告诉\n这些孩子事情的真相 Of course,I didn't tell those\nkids what really happened.
好吧 我热身完了 大干一场吧 Okay,I'm all warmed\nup. Let's do this thing.
- 发生啥事了?\n- 就这么回事 - What happened?\n- This happened.
我的天! Holy crap!
看来Marshall叔叔和他的兄弟们\n不仅仅是打打闹闹这么简单 Yeah,turns out Uncle Marshall and his\nbrothers did a littleore than just roughhouse.
热可可时间 Cocoa break!
Marshall看起来不错 他减肥了? Marshall looks good. Has he lost weight?
婊子 别想了 Bitch,don't even.
孩子们 我想告诉你们打架是不好的\n你们不应该打架 Kids,I'd love to leave you with the message\nthat fighting is bad and you shouldn't do it,
但我知道这么说很空泛 but I knowhat's pointless.
所以我这么说吧 So,I'll leave you with this:
永远不要跟你Marshall叔叔打架 don't ever get in a\nfight with Uncle Marshall.
这家伙是个疯子 That guy's freaking crazy.
回家的感觉真好
感恩节... thankgiving.....\nIt is so good to be home.
老妈 Lily 这餐饭太棒了 Mom,Lily,fantastic job.
吃好喝好 上帝好 是不? Good food,good meat,good\nGod,let's eat. Right?
好 来吧 Okay,here we go.
戴上护目镜 Goggles on.
好 你们都把盘子拿过来 Alright,so,you guys pass the plates.
Lily 你要胸肉还是腿肉? Lily,you want white or dark meat?
腿肉! 亲爱的 小心呐 Dark! Honey,please be careful.