孩子们 对于从情伤中复原需要多长时间\n每个人都有自己的看法 Kids,everyone has an opinion on how\nlong it takes to recover from a breakup.
这段关系持续时间的一半那么长 Half the length of the relationship.
每在一起一个月就需要一周恢复 One week for every\nmonth you were together.
只需喝一万杯酒 Exactly 10,000 drinks.
爱喝多久就多久 However long that takes.
这事无法用时间计算 You can't measure\nsomething likehis in time.
它分为几个步骤 There's a series of steps.
从她床上爬起 走向房门\n嗙! 甩门而出 向下一位出发! From her bed to the front\ndoor. Bam! Out of there. Next!
但我想直到你遇到让你重陷爱河的人\n你才能复原 But I think you start to recover the moment you\nmeet that person who gets you back in the game.
这就是关于我怎么遇到这个人的故事 This is the story of\nhow I met that person.
那么 孩子们 如果你们想要游泳\n你们不能一头猛扎进水里 Now,kids,if you want to go\nswimming,you don't just dive in.
首先 你们要拿脚尖蘸蘸水 First,you dip your toe in the water.
你们得先试试水温\n看看是否合适 You check the temperature.\nSee how it feels.
我叫Ted I'm Ted.
Vicky\nVicky.
然后你们慢慢将自己沉下去 And then you slowly wade in.
我一个月前在婚礼上被甩了 I got left at the altar a month ago.
或者 这么说吧 血雨情疯 Or,you know,cannonball.
那真是场灾难 自那以后 \n我再也无法正视别的女人一眼了 It was a complete disaster and ever since then,I\nhaven't been able to even look at another woman.
除了在地铁碰到的跳舞讨钱的老婆子 Except for the old lady on the\nsubway who break-dances for nickels.
我并不是有什么想法的看着她\n就是瞟一眼而已 I don't look at her that\nway. I just look at her.
我的意思是 就是一胡乱跳舞的老太太 I mean,it's an old lady break-dancing.
不过 她跳得还不错 And she is good.
下回我会给她一美元的 I'm going to give her\na dollar next time.
嘿 让我们假设一下 \n我刚才其实是这样说的: Hey,let's pretend I just said this:
最近的电梯偶遇就是我这一周的希望之光 These elevator rides have\nbeen the highlight of my week,
我周五晚上很想再见你一面\n不是在电梯里 and I'd love to see you again\nFriday night. Not in the elevator.
而是在餐厅 高级餐厅 At a restaurant,a nice one.
你觉得呢? What do you say?
好的 Yes.
老爸老妈浪漫史\n第四季 第9集 How I Met Your\nMother Season04 Episode09
孩子们 这几年 \n我踏进这老房子总会碰见些乌龙的事 Kids,I walked in on a lot of crazy stuff\nat the old apartment over the years.
抱歉 伙计们 \n我看我还是画些水果静物画好了 Sorry,guys. I'm just going\nto go with a bowl of fruit.
已经过了12分钟了! It's been 12 minutes!
- 放下枪!\n- 你先放下! - Drop it!\n- You first!
Ike 你为啥要把枪指着我啊? Ike,why are you pointing your gun at me?
不许叫我的名字! Don't use my name!
把枪放下 马上! Put the guns down,now!
但是最让人哭笑不得的事发生在\n我和你们Robin阿姨同住的期间 But one of the craziest things I ever walked in on\nhappened when I was roommates with your Aunt Robin.
你是哪位? Who are you?
我是Mitch I'm Mitch.
你在干嘛 Mitch? What you doing,Mitch?
哦 你一定就是她的室友 Oh,you must be the roommate.
我和Robin约会呢 I'm on a date with Robin.
她出去接个电话 She had to step outside to take a call.
我想她的电话在这里面没有信号 I guess her cell phone\ndoesn't work in here.
哦 Robin 呣 \n忘了使用顶级秘密的信号 Oh,Robin,uh,didn't use\nthe super secret signal.
我们-我们一般会把这个以前的我外卖菜单\n套在门把手上 We-we put this old takeout\nmenu on the doorknob.
这饭店已经倒闭了 Place went out of business.
老王家的馆... 我想我都不用解释原因了\n太搞笑了 Mr. Wang's... Guess I don't\nhave to explain why that's funny.
我得走了 I'm going to go.
呣 你走的时候\n把沙发坐垫也拿走吧 那已经是垃圾了 Um,when you leave,take the seat\ncushion with you. That's trash now.
我想我非常适合这份工作 I think that I am more\nthan qualified for the job.
我的缺点? My weaknesses?
我想是我太苛求完美 工作过于认真\n总把工作置于爱情之上 I would say caring too much,working too hard,and\nputting my career in front of my love life.
喔 最后一条绝对是真的 什么? Whoops,that last one was real. What?
嗯 似乎我们很傻很天真的Robin\n开始与情人约会了 Well,it appears our sweet,innocent,little\nRobin has taken a lover.
一个叫Mitch的年轻小哥 A young blade by the name of Mitch.
不会吧 她的快速约会? 一团糟 No,her blind date? Total bust.
她整晚都在给我发短信 She's been sending me\ntext messages all night.
她刚只是让他到楼上用下洗浴室 She just let him go upstairs to\nuse the bathroom a second ago.
抱歉 我出去一会 Excuse me a minute.
伙计 你饶了我吧 Buddy,you are killing me.
我正等着好戏上演呢 I'm kind of in the\nmiddle of something here.
什么好戏? Middle of what?
这是我的策略 This is my move.
它叫做 "裸男计划" It's called,"The Naked Man."
裸男计划? The Naked Man?
它是这样的:你和女生第一次约会\n你们喝了点小酒 Goes like this: You're on a first\ndate,you've had a few drinks,
你找个借口去到女生的房间 You make an excuse to go\nup to the girl's apartment.
那么 洗浴室就在那边 So,the bathroom's right there.
- 你看 我得去接一下\n- 好的 - You know what,I'm going to grab this.\n- Okay.
你好? Hello?
然后 当她离开房间\n你脱光衣服 等她回来 Then,once she leaves the room,you\nstrip down naked and wait.
当她回来时 她会心一笑 When she comes back,she laughs.
她将被你的自信与勇气迷倒\n和你上床 She's so charmed by your confidence\nand bravado,she sleeps with you.
嗙! Boom!
这决不可能! There is no way that works!
十试九爽 Two out of three times.
十试九爽? Two out of three times?
十试九爽 Two out of three times.
你只需看清楚形势 You just have to pick your spot.
裸男计划最好用作下下之策 The Naked Man is best\nused as a last resort,
一般是第一次约会的救命稻草\n如果你判定你们不会有下次约会的话 kind of a Hail Mary on a first date when you\nknow there's not going to be a second one.
你怎么知道你们不会有下一次约会了? How do you know there's not\ngoing to be a second date?
- Ted 你看看我\n- 我可不想看 Mitch - Ted,look at me.\n- I'd rather not,Mitch.
Robin 不爱我这一型的 Robiis way out of my league.
我不聪明 不幽默也不帅\n(还挺明白的嘛) I'm not smart,funny or handsome.
就如你所见\n我浑身上下没有哪处让你印象深刻的 And as you can plainly see,there's nothing\nimpressive going on anywhere around here.
我能和Robin这样的女孩约会\n唯一的机会就是出其不意 My only shot with a girl like\nRobin is the element of surprise.
而且 老实说 是有点悲哀 And,let's be honest,a little pity.
一般她们是很吃惊的 但是不是赞叹 \n而是叹气的"噢" It's shock and "aw."
这绝不可能 This doesn't really work.
十试九爽 我保证 Two out of three times. Guaranteed.
不会吧 No way.
十试九爽 Two out of three times.
他保证的 He guaranteed it.
哦 得了吧 Oh,come on.
这招绝不可能对Robin管用的 There is no way that's\ngoing to work on Robin.
她只会走过去\n瞧那个白痴一眼 给他扫地出门 She's going to walk in there,take one\nlook at that idiot and send him packing.
没错 她可能会先给他屁屁来一脚 Yeah,she might kick his ass first.
没错 没准还给他一枪 Yeah,she might get\nher gun and shoot him.
走 走! Go,go!
天啊! 管用了 My God! It worked.
老王家的馆重新开张了? Mr. Wang's is back in business?
裸男计划成功了! The Naked Man works!
这将彻底改变一夜情的理论依据! This is going to revolutionize\nthe one-night stand!
这就像橄榄球里的带球前冲 This is like the\nforward pass in football.
篮球里的大灌篮 The slam dunk in basketball.
就像理发师挑起几缕头发\n在上面嚯嚯开剪的功夫 The haircutting technique where they hold it\nbetween their fingers and cut right above it.
这是游戏规则的创新! It's a total game changer!
Barney 那家伙和Robin上床 \n你不是声称爱着她吗 Barney,this guy slept with Robin,who\nyou claim to be in love with.
你怎能如此兴奋? How can you be excited about this?
Lily "裸男计划"\n比我和Robin的事还要重要 Lily,"The Naked Man" is\nbigger than me and Robin.
这些年来\n我使劲浑身解数 All these years,I have\nbeen busting my hump,
使用我的秘密身份\n我的技巧和我的小道具 with my secret identities\nand my tricks and my gadgets.
我的意思是 我就像蝙蝠侠 I mean,I'm like Batman.
但这个叫Mitch的家伙 他是超人 But this Mitch fellow,he's Superman.
他只是把衣服一脱\n然后就成了 He just rips off his\nclothes and he's good to go.
你刚才说什么道具? What kind of gadgets\nare we talking about?
那么 我们住在一起\n就像这样 发生这种事? So,this is what it's going\nto be like,us living together?
我回到家 \n看到和你约会的家伙光着身子坐在沙发上 I come home,and guys you're dating are\njust going to be sitting on the couch,naked.
嗯 我也不想那样的 Well,I wish I could say no.
我真不敢相信\n"裸男计划"竟然对你管用 I still cannot believe the\n"Naked Man" worked on you.
那么 我说什么好呢? Well,what can I say?
好吧 我进屋 看到他裸着身 Okay,I went in there,and he was naked.
这很滑稽 It was funny.
我笑了 他也笑了 I laughed,he laughed.
然后就这样发生了\n我也不知道怎么回事 And then it just kind of\nhappened. I don't know.
我要说 "贱人!" I call "slut!"
什么? Excuse me?
我很抱歉 Robin\n但是你和那家伙上床就好像是证明了 I'm sorry,Robin,but you hooking up with this\nguy makes it seem like the only thing standing
你和上床之间的间隔就是衣服 between you and sex is clothes.
我和Mitch上床不仅仅是因为\n他那时光着身子 I didn't just sleep with\nMitcbecause he was naked.
那你为什么和他上床? Then why did you sleep with him?
因为... 他 呣 ... 他 呣... Because... he,um... He,uh...
呣 因为我很在乎Mitch 非常在乎 uh,because I care about Mitch. A lot.
这跟 呣 一种特殊的感觉有关 There was a,uh,connection\nof specialness.
一种 呣 特殊的感觉 Of,uh,specialness and feelings.
就是因为他光着身子 It was because he was naked.
我很抱歉 但我不敢苟同 And I'm sorry,but I don't approve.
和别人上床只有一个原因\n那就是"爱情" There is only one reason to sleep\nwith somebody,and that is "love."
没错 Marshall是个傻妞\n因为他相信真爱 Yeah,Marshall's a big girl\nbecause he believes in true love
而且刚刚读完小说\n因为秘书们逼他加入奥普拉图书俱乐部 and just finished reading The Notebook because the\nsecretaries bullied him into joining Oprah's Book Club.
好吧! 但你们知道我是对的 Fine! But you know I'm right.
Marshall 我爱你 \n但还有很多其他原因可以上床的 Marshall,I love you,but there's\nlots of reasons to have sex.
举个例子 Name one.
- 我可以举50个\n- 不 你不能 - I can name 50.\n- No,you can't.
例子一:上周四 Number one: last Thursday.
- 嘿 Marshall 想做吗?\n- 我这就来了 - Hey,Marshall,want to do it?\n- I'm up.
你因为失眠就亵渎我们的婚床? You befouled our marital bed\nbecause you couldn't get to sleep?
是你说"天花板上的那个黑影\n真像个恐怖的无牙小丑" You're the one who said,"That shadow on the\nceilin looks like a scary toothless clown."
"晚安 Lily" Good night,Lily."
好吧! 算是吧 Fine! That's one.
- 但是我敢说你举不到...\n- 我就举50个例子给你看看 - But I defy you to name...\n- I'm going to name 50.
还有 "化妆"性爱... There's "makeup" sex...
分手性爱 呣 ... breakup sex,Hmm...
还有 \n"你老友刚告诉你一个新姿势"性爱 and "your friend just told\nyou about a new-position" sex.
这是我份内事 You're welcome.
还有\n报复 复合 天降奇兵式性爱 There's also\n"revenge",rebound, paratrooping.
你们知道 当你们出城去\n没住宾馆 You know,when you go out of town\nbut instead of getting a hotel room,
你们去到酒吧 只有一个目的 \n就是泡上一个有房的妞儿 这样你就有地方住了 you go straight to a bar with the sole intention of\nhooking up with a girl so you have a place to stay.
哦 你是说 "寄宿式" Oh,you mean "banging for roof."
贱人! Slut!
我可没做过\n是我的大学室友 I don't do it. My\ncollege roommate did it.
哦 不 不 Robin 我刚咳嗽了 Oh,no,no,Robin,I just have a bad cough.
我并没有咳嗽 I don't really have a bad cough.
我们都知道那个所谓大学室友\n就是你自己 贱人! We all know college\nroommate means you,slut!
你们有喉片吗? Does anyone have a lozenge?
噢 噢 噢 我想到了 Ooh,ooh,ooh,I've got one.
没什么电视可看的时候 Nothing good on television sex.
宾馆性爱 Hotel room sex.
好奇性爱 例如 ... Curiosity,as in...
我常在想和一个高个子女生做爱是什么感觉 "I've always wondered what it's like\nto have sex with a really tall girl.
不是五大三粗的 只是高个子 Not a big girl,just a tall girl.
就像... Like...
如果女生普通身高就有7-7.5英尺高\n(相当于2.13米到2.28米) if a normal girl were\nseven,seven-and-a-half-feet tall
还穿着穿着牛仔超短裙 and wore a denim miniskirt.
我就想知道这是什么感觉 I would have to know what that is like.
好吧 Okay.
说了32种理由以后... 32 reasons later...
"他说他爱你 但你不能同样的话回应..." "He said he loved you,...."
四十三种 Forty-three.
被泡妞拍档抛弃 Wingman diving on the friend grenade.
四十四种 Forty-four.
避孕套即将过期 The condoms are about to expire.
四十五种 Forty-five.
哇 越来越难了(硬了) Wow,this is getting a little hard.
四十六种! Forty-six!
好吧 还有四条 Okay,four more to go.
"你的奇多掉他膝盖上了 你过去捡的时候\n他以为你开始前戏了" "You dropped a Cheeto on his lap "and when you\nreached for it,he thought you were making a move,"
所以你就趁势而"上" so you just went with it.
好吧 多谢你毁了\n我们结婚六个月纪念日的回忆 Well,thank you for ruining the\nmemory of our six-month anniversary.
但你确实用过"奇多"那招 You got me Cheetos.
听着 \n我们能不能不再想这份愚蠢的列表? Look,can we just stop\nwith this stupid list?
好了 你们让我觉得郁闷了 Okay,you guys are making me sad.
不要嘛 我只是找点乐子 No,I'm having fun.
伙计 \n从一而终有时候也有点糟糕的 Man,this whole "one-partner"\nthing sucks sometimes.
我总是在谈论你 I'm always talking about you.
我不能玩"我从没..."的游戏 因为这样\n大家就会知道我让你对我做过的怪事 I can't play "I never" because then everyone\nwould know all the weird stuff I let you do to me.
我对你做过最奇怪的事就是 \n对你敞开心扉 The only weird thing I ever did to\nyou was open up my heart and soul
而其实只要你离开房间的时候我脱光光\n就万事大吉了 when all I had to do was strip\nnaked while you were out of the room.
我不是因为Mitch脱光了而跟他上床! I di't sleep with Mitch\nbecause he was naked!
Mitch和我是有感觉的 Mitch and I have something special.
祝我好运吧 他可能就是我的真命天子 I mean,fingers crossed,guys.\nHe maye the one.
真命天子? Mitch? 那个裸男? The one? Mitch? The Naked Man?
你是说那个天才裸男 You mean the naked genius.
这些年来 我该脱的时候都没脱 All these years I've been suiting up\nwhen I should have been suiting down.
就这么办 我今晚要做"裸男" That's it. I am doing\n"The Naked Man" tonight.
- Ted 你也是\n- 什么? - Ted,so are you.\n- What?
和电梯女孩 你今晚是不是要和她约会? With the elevator girl. You're\ngoing out with her tonight,right?
- 裸男计划!\n- 不 - "Naked Man!"\n- No.
Barney 拜托 这是自从Stella之后\n我第一次鼓起勇气约女孩出来 Barney,come on,this is the first girl I've\nhad the courage to ask out since Stella.
裸男计划! Naked Man!
不行 Barney 我今晚试了八套衣服! No,Barney,this is the eighth\noutfit I tried on tonight!
我剪了三次头发! 我非常紧张! I got my hair cut three\ntimes! I'm a nervous wreck!
你抹化妆品了? Are you wearing makeup?
不是化妆品! It's not makeup!
好吧 这是一种细腻的浅色乳霜... Okay,it's a sunscreen\nwith a subtle tint of...
是男士专用 It's made for men.
有本事告我去 我只是想突出我的眼睛 Sue me,I want my eyes to pop.
裸男! Naked Man!
不 Barney 我喜欢Vicky No,Barney,I like Vicky.
这可能是段恋爱的开始 This could actually go somewhere.
我不想搞砸了 I don't want to do anything\nstupid to jeopardize it.
我真喜欢...那个女孩 但是... Well,I really like... that girl,but...
背怎么长的那么恐怖 Oh,I didn't see her from the back.
我很喜欢那个女孩 I really like... that girl.
而且我要为了一夜豪情 放弃我们的未来 And I'm willing to jeopardize our\nfuture together for one night of glory.
裸男计划! Naked Man!
所以 那晚我们都开始证实一些事 So,that night we all set\nout to prove something.
Robin要捍卫自己的尊严 Robin wanted to defend her honor.
Mitch 嗨 亲爱的 是我 Robin Mih,hey,baby,it's me. Robin.
你今晚想不想一起出去吃饭? Do you want to grab some dinner tonight?
因为你基本算是我的男朋友了! Because you're basically my boyfriend!
Lily要证明她能完成自己的清单 Lily needed to prove that\nshe could finish her list.
我卡住了 我想不出来最后两个 I'm stuck. I can't\nthink of the last two.
第48个原因 为了更好的形象\n比如修面和口腔卫生 Reason number 48: To reinforce good\nbehaviors such as shaving and dental hygiene."
现在你开始干预我了? 太好了! Oh,now you're conditioning me? Great!
这就解释了 \n为什么当我每次用牙线时都会勃起 That explains why I always\nget an erection when I floss.
我要证明其实约会也没什么可怕 I had to prove that as scary\nas it was to be dating again,
我已经忘记Stella 开始新生活 I was over Stella and\nready to get back out there.
而Barney也需要证实他能实施"裸男计划" And Barney needed to prove that\nhe,too,could pull off "The Naked Man."
谢谢你让我看你的鱼缸\n你真是个善良"救命"的人啊 Hey,thank you for letting me look at\nyour aquarium. You're a real life saver.
别这么客气 Sure,no problem.
我得用一下你的洗手间 然后我就离开 I just need to use the\nbathroom and I'll be on my way.
Ted 我准备好了 我要做裸男! Ted,I'm doing it. I'm\ndoing the "Naked Man"!
我也是! Me,too!
我也是! 我也要做裸男! I'm doing it! I'm doing The Naked Man!
太棒了! That's great!
你怎么改变主意了? What made you change your mind?
开始和Vicky一切都还好\n可是之后的事情就不在我预想之中了 Well,uhte with Vicky started off\nokay,but it didn't go as well as I hoped.
上帝呀! Ted 你真幽默! Oh,my God! Ted,you are so funny!
而且 你有一双迷人的眼睛 And can I just say,you\nhave amazing eyes.
什么 就这俩老东西? What,these old things?
干得好 想烫死我啊 Nice job,hot shot.
- 对不起...\n- 省省吧! - I'm sorry...\n- Save it!
去告诉你们经理 他欠我们一道开胃菜 Go tell the manager he\nowes us an appetizer.
有虾的那种! One of the ones with shrimp!
不客气 你刚才想说什么? You're welcome. You were saying?
他的拐杖漏掉最后一级台阶\n然后他就摔倒了 我发誓 在那两分钟里... And then his cane missed the top step,and\nhe was falling,for,I swear,like two minutes.
我爱老人 Oh,God,I love old people.
我意识到我们之间没有发展的可能\n所以我要放手一搏 Once I realized there was no possible future in\nthis relationship,I just decided to go for it.
太棒了! Awesome!
重中之重 你打算摆个什么裸男造型? Okay,big question: What pose will\nyou display your "Naked Man" in?
哇 真是个棘手的问题 我还没想过呢 Wow,that is a big question. I\nhadn't really thought about it.
我想做"超人"的姿势 I was thinking the "Superman."
"船长Morgan"怎么样? Uh,what about the "Captain Morgan"?
"不好意思 没想到你在这里" \n这个姿势行不行? How about the "Oops,I\ndidn't see you there"?
"思想者"呢? The Thinker?
橄榄球Heisman奖杯造型如何? What about the Heisman?
洁净先生(一种清洁剂品牌)? Mr. Clean?
Burt Reynolds (美国演员 曾经在杂志上刊登过全裸照片) The Burt Reynolds.
真高兴能再次见到你 It's so great to see you again.
我昨晚非常开心 I-I really had a great time last night.
开加州披萨店是什么感觉啊? So,what is it like managing a C.P.K.?
是谁的主意要把菠萝放在... I mean,who's idea was it\nto put a pineapple in the...
行了 别说了 我知道你是怎么回事 Okay,stop right there.\nI know what this is.
我以前有过这种约会 I've been on this date before.
这是"我不是荡妇"的约会 This is the "I'm not a slut" date.
什么? 你怎么会这么想 What? That's crazy.
你通常很了解我 但这次你错了 Usually u read me so well,but\nthis time you're wrong.
拜托 Robin Come on,Rob.
咱们都心知肚明 昨晚走运的是我 One of us had a good time last\nnight,and we both know it was me.
Mitchell 姓什么忘了\n不是这样的! Oh,Mitchell Something,that\nis,that is just not true!
真的吗? 那场性爱怎么样? Really? How was the sex?
我并不讨厌 I didn't hate it.
Robin 你中了我的招 仅此而已 Robin,you've seen my move. That's it.
我没什么别的本事了 I have nothing else to offer you.
我破产了 我吃饭的时候出汗\n而且我参加了5个想象中的橄榄球队联盟 I'm broke,I sweat when I eat,and I'm\nin,like,five different fantasy football leagues.
这就是我的生活 It's all I talk about.
相信我 你不会想和我在一起的 Trust me,you don't\nwant to be around that.
什么? 我当然愿意! What? Yes,I do!
听着 我跟你上床并不是因为你脱光了 Look,I didn't just sleep with\nyou because you were naked.
你确实这么做了 Yeah,you did.
现在你想安慰自己 \n就假装咱们之间有未来 And now you're trying to pretend it was\nsomething more to make yourself feel better.
坦率点吧 至少裸男是诚实的 Say what you will,at least\n"The Naked Man" is honest.
"水宝宝"怎么样(一种护肤品牌)? What about the ol' "Coppertone Baby"?
奥运会体操运动员稳稳落地 The Olympic gymnast\nwho stuck the landing.
耶! Hup!
- 我要挂电话了\n- 裸男! - Yeah,I got to go.\n- Naked Man!
你家真漂亮! You have a really nice place!
谢谢! 从你口中说出来 \n真是由衷的赞美 Oh,thanks! Coming from\nyou,that's a real compliment.
我非常喜欢你的职业 \n建筑师实在太迷人了 I just love that you're an\narchitect,it's so fascinating.
我可以整晚都听你谈建筑设计 I could listen to you talk about\nstructural design all night.
后来我发现在她的茶几上\n有一本Pablo Neruda的爱情诗集 And then I noticed,lying on her end\ntable,a book of love poems by Pablo Neruda.
和我从大学时就开始看的是同一版本 The same edition I'd d nce college.
而且夹书签的那页 是我最爱的一首诗 And it was bookmarked\nto my favorite poem.
或许我完全看错这个女孩了 Maybe I was all wrong about this girl.
或许我们有未来 Maybe there was a future for us.
糟了! Crap!
来了 Here we go.
Pablo Neruda\nPablo Neruda.
这本书真烂 Oh,yeah,that book's a turd.
是一个和我交往过的衰人留下的 Some douchey guy I hooked\nup with left it here.
都是墨西哥语 It's all in Mexican.
你知道谁能写好诗吗? Jewel You know who writes good poems? Jewel.
她长着歪牙 住在车里 Her teeth are crooked\nand she lived in a car.
- 她才有素材可写\n- 嗒哒! - So,she has stuff to\nwrite about. - Ta-dah!
好吧 Okay.
裸男计划成功! The Naked Man works!
我刚和一个烂人有一场相当不错的性爱 I just had decent sex\nwith an awful human being.
我浴火重生啦! I am back!
恭喜你 兄弟 Congratulations,buddy.
你不是今晚唯一用"裸"这招的人 You're not the only one who\nrocked "The ked Man" tonight.
你这么做只是想换个话题 You just want to do it\nto change the subject.
对 Yeah.
这是第49个理由! Hey,that's number 49!
有效吗? Did it work?
就像我刚剔了牙 It's like I just flossed.
我爱你 I love you.
只是第50个原因 That's 50.
对呀... Oh,yeah...
太好了! 你摆的什么造型? Nice! What pose did you go with?
我用的是"我有胸部"的造型 I went with "I've got boobs."
而且她简直棒极了 And she nailed it.
上帝啊! 同志们! 就是他! Oh,my God! Guys,guys,guys! This is him!
这就是"裸男"! This is "The Naked Man"!
Ted 他叫Mitch Um,Ted,his name is Mitch.
而且 他是我的男朋友 所以... And,um,he's my boyfriend. So...
没关系 Robin 我不会再说你是荡妇了 It's okay,Robin. I no longer ll "slut."
- 好吧 你可以走了 这儿没你的事了\n- 谢谢 - Oh,okay. u can go. We're done.\n- Thanks.
等一下 Mitch Mitch 我得谢谢你 Hold on,Mitch,Mitch,I have to thank you.
我们今晚都试了"裸男"这招 We all tried "The Naked Man" tonight.
咱们得问问Barney怎么样了 Ooh,we should see how Barney did.
你好? Hello?
嗨 Barney在吗? Hi,is,uh,is Barney there?
不在 No.
我的上帝! 你有什么毛病啊? 滚出去! Oh,my God! What's the\nmatter with you? Get out!
我得拿走我的衣服 很贵的 I just have to grab my\nsuit. It's very expensive.
- 就那个领带也值...\n- 马上滚出去! - The tie alone...\n- Get out of here right now!
滚 你这个狗娘养的变态! Get out,you sick son of a bitch!
记得给我打电话 Call me.
如果再让我碰见他 我就报警 And if I see him\nagain,I'm calling the cops.
总有一两个点背的 Two out of three times.
Mitch 我想告诉你 今晚很疯狂\n同时也让我走出阴影 Mitch,I want you to know,this night,crazy\nas it was,it got me out of my shell.
这就是"裸男"的魅力之处 That's the beauty of "The Naked Man."
它能满足你的需要... It gives you exactly what you need.
不多不少 No more,no less.
请原谅 我得去换下我幻想中的四分卫了 Now,if you'll excuse me,I need to replace\none of my fantasy football quarterbacks.
他肩膀脱臼了! He separated his shoulder!
为Mitch干杯 A toast... to Mitch.
从某方面来看 他只是个男人而已 By the sum of his\nparts,he is just a man.
但从他的所作所为看 他太伟大了 But by what he does with those\nparts,he becomes so much more.
或许他不符合公众对英雄的定义\n但他就是我所需的英雄 He may not fit society's definition\nof a hero,but he is the hero I needed.
他是帮我从即将成功但最终\n功亏一篑的婚姻中重生... The hero who helped me recover from the\ndisaster of my failed almost-marriage
并且重出江湖的英雄 and get back into thgame.
他活在阴影中 He lives in the shadows.
他是个梦境? 是真实 虚幻 \n诅咒 还是救世? Is he a dream? Truth?\nFiction? Damnation? Salvation?
他好像就是这一切 但是又虚无缥缈... He is all these things and none of them.
他...他就是裸男! For he is... The Naked Man.
上帝啊! Oh,my God!
感谢上苍 Oh,thank God.