2009年的三月 我和我的高中同学Karen\n约会了一段时间 **2009, I'd been dating my high school\ngirlfriend Karen for a few weeks.
我的朋友们对此是"兴奋不已" My friends couldn't have\nbeen happier about it.
- 嘿 大家好\n- 好 - Hey,everybody.\n- Hello.
抱歉 我们不能久留 Sorry,we,uh, we can't stay long.
- 呀 真是太可惜了!\n- 真不巧! - What a shame!\n- That is sad!
嘿 你那耳环是真钻的吗 Hey,are those real diamond earrings?
是啊 是啊 谢谢~ Yes. Yes,they are. Thank you.
我没说我喜欢 I didn't say I liked them.
哦 那好吧 我是捡了个大便宜 所以... Oh,well,I got a great deal on them,so...
是嘛 我肯定塞拉利昂那些被剥削的\n钻石矿工会跟你击掌致庆的 Cool. I'm sure all the exploited diamond miners\nin Sierra Leone would give you a high-five
前提是他们得五指齐全\n不过确实挺好看的 if they still had all their\nfingers. But really pretty.
我在楼上等你 Meet me upstairs.
我对她的看法只用一个指头就能说明了\n(意思竖中指) They only need one finger to\ngive her what I'm thinking.
没错 Ted Karen是个傻逼 Yeah. Ted, Karen's a douche.
不好意思能客气点吗 Thanks for sugarcoating it.
说她"傻逼"已经很客气了 "Douche"is sugarcoating it.
好了 不管怎么说 你们不能决定\n我该跟谁约会 Uh,okay, believe it or not,my friends\ndo not get a vote on who I date.
我的生活我做主 It's my life. I call the shots.
- Ted 快点!\n- 在 来了! - Ted,now!\n- Yeah,coming!
真不知道Ted看上那猛女哪点 I don't know what Ted sees\nin that horrible woman.
没错 她有胸 不过... I mean,yeah, she's got boobs, but...
哦 我明白了 well, I guess I get it.
是因为他们在高中时候就认识吗 I think it's 'cause\nthey met in high school.
她应该算是他的第一个正式女友 She was his first real girlfriend.
在我们眼里Karen就是个贱人 We look at Karen and see a jerk.
可在Ted眼里 她就是除掉他自己 Ted looks at Karen and sees the first\nperson to touch his wiener besides himself,
他老妈跟他儿科医生以外\n第一个碰他小弟弟的人了 his mom,and his pediatrician.
好了 快凌晨2点了 \n我得准备去上班了 Okay,well,it's almost 2:00 A.M.\nI better get ready for work.
他们怎么说你的节目是早间节目? How can they call that thing\nyou're on a "morning show"?
凌晨4点是大半夜 4:00 A.M.is still the\nmiddle of the night.
真不知道你怎么做到的 I don't see how you do it.
已经快一个月了 我都习惯了 It's been almost a\nmonth. I'm used to it.
再说这节目也没那么差 对吧 Plus the show's not half bad,right?
- 那一定的\n- 从没看过 - Totally.\n- I've never seen it.
你们到底看过没? Have you guys ever watched it?
- 当然看了!\n- 我没看过 - Of course!\n- I've never seen it.
是吗 那你们最喜欢哪一部分? Really? What is your favorite segment?
- 天气预报\n- 我没看过 - Weather.\n- I've never seen it.
- 你们根本就没看过\n- 抱歉 - You guys have never seen my show.\n- Sorry.
- 嗯\n- 我一直在跟你说没看过 - It's true.\n- That's what I've been saying.
好吧 我承认 节目很闷 很平淡\n收视率甚至都赶不上一个播放 Okay,yes,it's dull and generic and we get\nspanked in the ratings by that Korean channel
金正日骑马画面的朝鲜电视台 that only shows Kim\nJong Il riding a horse,
不过 如果我知道我的朋友们正在看我的节目\n哪怕只有一次 我也会觉得意义非凡 but guys,it would mean so much to me if just\nonce I knew my friends were out there watching.
我有个主意 I'll tell you what.
周五早上3点半 大家都来我们家 This Friday morning, everyone\ncan come to our place 3:30 A.M.
我们穿着睡衣\n一起看Robin的节目 We'll all put on PJs.\nWe'll watch Robin's show.
哇 你们最好了 Aw,you guys are the best.
我们只想支持你 We just want to support you.
周五凌晨3:30 3:30***\nI just want to go to sleep!
我只想睡觉!
Robin怎么就不能更有出息点 I hate Robin for not\nbeing more successful.
嘿 伙计们 Hey,guys.
坏消息 Karen跟我分手了 Sad announcement:\nKaren broke up with me.
别憋着了 Go ahead.
我就知道你会听我们的话! 耶! I knew you were listening! Yes!
老爸老妈浪漫史\n第四季 第17集 How I Met Your\nMother Season04 Episode17
嘿 嘿 我们不能幸灾乐祸 Hey,hey, we shouldn't be celebrating.
Ted刚刚分手了唉 Ted's just been through a bad breakup.
听着 伙计 跟我们说说是怎么回事 Look,buddy,tell us everything.\nTell us what happened.
慢慢讲没关系 细节也别漏过 Seriously,spare no details.
她怎么说? 你又怎么说? \n当时什么感觉? What did she say? What did\nyou say? How did it feel?
如果给你一次重来的机会 你会不会... If you were to do it again,\nall over,would you maybe...
怎么一回事? How did it happen?
实在是太荒谬了 It was the stupidest thing.
我们就在一块儿玩呗 打打闹闹的... I mean,we were just hanging\nout, you know,being funny...
你最喜欢02年酿吉安蒂红葡萄酒 You're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.
才没有 那是你的最爱 Ew,no,you're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.
等等 这是什么? Wait. What is this?
看上去像是Robin的耳环 真奇怪 Looks like one of Robin's\nearrings. That's weird.
- 你才最喜欢...\n- 怎么会在你床上的? - You're the fan...\n- How did it get in your bed?
不知道 I don't know.
你跟Robin在鬼混? Have you been sleeping with Robin?
什么? 当然没有啊! What? No,of course not!
有可能是跟衣服混一起了吧 It,it probably got mixed in\nwith the laundry or something.
我凭啥信你? Why should I believe you?
呃 因为我对你一直忠心不二 Um,maybe because I've\nalwaysbeen faithful to you
你却让我戴了差不多6次绿帽子 贱人 while you've cheated on\nme, like,six times,bitch.
- 噢 牛!\n- 够损吧! - Oh,snap! -\nCold-blooded!
是吧 Right? Right?
我真该那么说的 I totally should have said that.
我凭啥信你? Why should I believe you?
呃 因为我一直对你忠心不二 而你... Um,maybe because I'vealwaysbeen\nfaithful to you while you...
我爱你... I love you...
我就知道不该这样 好了 我们玩完了 I knew this was a mistake.\nThat's it. It's over.
就这样 她走了 And that was it. She left.
讲得真好 What a story.
你能跟我们分享真是太有勇气了 So brave of you to share that.
等等 你那是睡衣? Wait. Thoseare your pajamas?
你穿着睡衣西装睡觉? You sleep in a pajama suit?
当然了 不然你觉得我该穿什么睡?\n(后面Ted故意理解为 "我该睡哪儿") Of course. What do you think I sleep in?
睡棺材里 A coffin.
老兄 那看起来一点都不舒服 Dude,that doesn't look\ncomfortable at all.
你还打领带 You're wearing a tie.
首先 这是"睡带" First of all, it's a sleeping cravat.
其次 这跟舒不舒服无关 Second,it's not about comfort.
关键是要在任何时候到衣着光鲜 It's about looking good all the time.
你干嘛要在任何时候都衣着光鲜? Why do you have to\nlook good all the time?
Marshall 那我就跟你讲讲\n几个月前的一件事吧 Marshall,let me tell you a little story about\nsomething that happened a couple months back.
我们比"谁更淫荡"\n身上抹得全是按摩油 We were just having a "Who's hornier" contest\nand we spilled massage oil all over ourselves.
睡衣真酷 Nice pajamas.
我们能用用你的浴室吗 Can we use your shower?
那才不是发生在你身上的\n分明就是A片里的桥段 That's not a memory.\nThat's from a porn movie.
也不是任何一部电影啦\n刚好就是那个...里面的场景 Not just any movie. That's\nthe exact scene from...
不说了 Never mind.
关键是随时都有可能发生 The point is itcouldhappen.
如果真那样 而我在那些油腻腻的小骚货眼里\n又不是最佳状态的话 我会抱憾终身的 And if it did,and I didn't look my absolute best\nfor those greasy sluts, I'd regret it forever.
抱歉 老兄 不过你这是我这辈子见过的\n最可笑的睡衣了 I'm sorry,dude, but that is just the most\nridiculous sleeping attire I've ever seen in my life.
总之... Anyway...
Marshall穿女士睡衣!\n他竟然穿女士睡衣! Marshall's wearing a nightgown!\nMarshall's wearing a nightgown!
嘿 你们能想象我们以后会拿"还记得\nMarshall穿女士睡衣那会儿"来取笑他的场景吗? Hey,guys,you know how in the future we're always\nsaying "Remember when Marshall wore a nightgown"?
就是现在! This is that time!
这是男用睡衣 It's a nightshirt.
你要愿意的话叫它忍者隐身衣都行 You can call it a Ninja\nStar Danger Jock if you want.
还是改变不了你异装癖的事实 Doesn't make you any\nless of a cross-dresser.
随你怎么说都行 我舒服就好 Whatever,dude. It's comfy.
跟小飞侠彼得潘一起飞回梦幻岛吧\n感觉如何 刺激不? So,flying to Neverland with\nPeter and Tink, was that amazing?
哦 我接着来! Ooh,let me go next!
从拥挤的大床上挣脱出来\n带着查理去巧克力工厂感觉很爽吧!\n(刁侃电影"查理与巧克力工厂") Was it nice to finally get out of that crowded\nbed and take Charlie to the chocolate factory?
喔 我来 我来 我来! Ooh,me,me,me,me!
嗯 会不会有点像孤寒财主?\n(barney想说Marshall像幽灵) Um,something about Scrooge!
(Scrooge--1988电影 \n里面主人公穿越过去 现在 未来)
快点 伙计们 全是我说的 Come on,guys. I'm carrying the team.
我不知道 我跟Marshall一起住了12年了 I don't know. I lived\nwith Marshall for 12 years.
他能穿衣服 就算胜利 Any time he's wearing\nclothes at all,it's a victory.
Ted 节目要开始了! Ted,show's about to start!
马上就来! Be right there!
早安 纽约 我是Robin... Good morning,New York. I'm Robin...
Marshall 我刚在你的柜子上\n看见Robin的耳环 Marshall,I just found Robin's\nearring on your dresser.
我床上的另一只是你搞的鬼吗? Did you have something to do with\nthe other one being in my bed?
你说啥? What are you talking about?
你一直不喜欢Karen \n一直劝我跟她分手 You've always hated Karen. You've\nbeen telling me to break up with her.
是你干的 你故意把耳环放我床上\n好让Karen找到 You did it. You-you put the earring\nin my bed so that Karen would find it.
不 Ted 我没有 我决不会... No,Ted,No! I would never...
- 你就招了吧!\n- 我没什么可招的啊! - Admit it!\n- There's nothing to admit!
那为什么Robin的耳环会在我的床上? Then why was Robin's\nearring on your dresser?
他在给你做装饰嘛!\n(嘲讽Marshall像女人) He was accessorizing!
Marshall 我发誓 如果你现在\n不跟我说实话... Marshall,I swear to God,if you\ndon't tell me the truth right now...
等等!不是Marshall干的 Wait! Marshall didn't do it.
是我 I did.
是我拆散你跟Karen的 I broke you and Karen up.
你拆散我跟Karen? 你疯了吧? You broke me and Karen\nup? Are you insane?
你有什么权力那么做? What gives you the right to do that?
Ted 我是为了你好 Ted,I did it for your own good.
你是不知道她有多恶心 You just weren't seeing\nhow awful she was.
她没通过我们前廊测试 She failed the Front Porch Test.
什么前廊测试? What's the Front Porch Test?
Ted 你 我跟Marshall从大学开始\n就是最好的朋友 Ted,you,me,and Marshall have\nbeen best friends since college.
想想我们对彼此的意义 Think about how much we\nall mean to each other.
所以当我瞭望将来的时候\n我会想到我们在一起的画面 So when I picture the future,\nI picture us all together.
我们退休之后 在海边别墅的前廊上\n一边饮茶 How we'll all be retired, sipping tea\non the front porch of our beach house,
一边打桥牌 playing bridge all day.
好的 桥最厉害\n(不懂桥牌 完全yy) Okay,bridges are wild.
四张平民桥大过一张皇室桥 Four of a bridge beats a royal bridge.
我跟你一张桥 再加注三张 I see your bridge and I\nraise you three bridges.
桥! 我赢了! Bridge! I win!
你根本不懂怎么打桥牌对吧 You have no idea how\nto play bridge,do you?
我们会学的 We're gonna take a class.
老了也必须保持头脑灵活 It's important to stay active.
所以不管你跟谁约会 \n我都会做一个前廊测试 So whenever you've been dating somebody\nfor a while, I do the Front Porch Test.
看看那个人能不能融入我们集体 You know,how is this person gonna\nfit in with our group over the years?
可我一想到Karen... And when I think about Karen there...
桥! 我赢了! Bridge! I win!
好极了 又是桥 Fantastic. Another game of bridge.
书也用不着读了 Don't read a book or anything.
看 亲爱的 海豚耶 Look,dear... dolphins.
他们看上去挺快活的 They seem happy.
但愿这片富饶海滩别墅群的生活污水\n不会堵塞了他们的喷水口\n(海豚能喷水嘛 那是鲸鱼吧 = =|) I guess the chemical runoff from this elitist beachfront\nproperty hasn't rotted out their blowholes yet.
肯定会的 那水也会害了你们自己 It will. That water will kill you.
这是自掘坟墓 It is a toxic deathtrap.
我想去嘘嘘 I'm gonna take a dip.
跟你一起 I'll join you.
Karen没有通过前廊测试 她必须走 Karen failed the Front\nPorch Test. She had to go.
真不敢相信你竟然这样 I can't believe you did that.
Ted 想想就你 我 Marshall该有多快活 Ted,think about how awesome\nyou,me,and Marshall are.
仔细想想 Seriously think about it.
- 我们在一起确实不错\n- 相当不错! - We're pretty awesome.\n- We're totally awesome!
所以不管你将来要娶谁\n都将成为我们当中的一员 So whoever you marry,\nwhoever joins Team Awesome,
这标准相当之高 the bar is set pretty damn high.
听着 我不是在为自己辩解 不过... Look, I'm not saying what\nI did was right,but...
没有她你会更好 You're better off without her.
如果连天使Clarence都这么说\n那就一定没错了\n(Clarence the Angel 1980年电影) And if Clarence the angel\nsays it's true,it must be true.
好了 你尽管开你的玩笑好了 我不怕 Okay,you know what?\nFine,make your little jokes.
说真的 你干嘛要穿成那样? Seriously,why would you\nwear something like that?
- 原因多了去了\n- 我赌你说不出5个 - Lots of reasons.\n- I bet you can't name five.
1:不用穿内裤 One: No need to wear\nanything underneath.
我能证明那点 你能把腿合上吗 I can vouch for that. Will\nyou cross your legs,buddy?
2:性感 Two: Sexy.
这点我能证明 I can vouch for that.
能把腿打开吗 哥们 Will you uncross your legs, buddy?
3:我的爷爷Olaf也这么穿\n结果他活到107岁 Three: My Grandpa Olaf wore\none and he lived to be 107.
4:没有弹性腰带在我的大肚腩上\n留下小粉嫩的齿痕 Four: No elastic waistband leaving its judgmental\npink teeth marks around my Thanksgiving belly.
5: 每晚我睡觉时\n都能感觉到一种最自由的 And five: Every night when I\ngo to sleep, it's the freest,
世上最棒的感觉 most wonderful feeling in the world.
我感觉...像是在飞 I feel... like I'm flying.
这就是我每晚入睡时的感觉:快乐 无负担 So that's how I go to bed\nevery night: happy, weightless.
满心愉悦 你呢? with a heart full of\njoy. What about you?
我必须规规矩矩的躺平了\n才能避免把我的西装睡衣弄皱 I have to lie perfectly still\nso I don't wrinkle my suit-jamas.
但至少 我穿的可不是睡裙 But at least I'm not wearing a dress.
那么...你很生气吗? So... how mad are you?
我不知道 I don't know.I mean,
如果你们真的那么厌恶Karen\n或许这是最好的结局吧 I guess if you guys feel that strongly\nabout Karen,then maybe it was for the best.
我真的很抱歉 I really am sorry.
我也很讨厌故技重施\n但是Karen必须得走人 I hated doing that again,\nbut Karen had to go.
"故技重施"? 等等\n你拆散了多少回我和女友? "Again"? Wait. How many times have\nyou broken me up with a girlfriend?
没有的事! 6回吧 Never! Six.
- 比如说谁?\n- 没有! Angie吧 - Like who?\n- No one! Angie.
大二的时候 Sophomore year.
她要利用你来报复他的前男友\n而你被蒙在鼓里 She was just using you to get back at\nher ex, and you clearly didn't see it,
有天当她睡觉的时候... so one day when she was taking a nap...
Creed? (著名摇滚乐队) Creed?
哦 天啊 我要跟她分手 Oh,my God, I have to break up with her.
原来我Creed的CD是这么不见的 So that's where my Creed CD went.
还有谁? Who else?
还记得那个神叨叨的喜欢科幻的女孩么\n就是才交往2个月就希望你求婚的那个? Remember that weird sci-fi girl who wanted\nyou to propose after,like,two months?
你跟她感情也就勉勉强强\n但你还真考虑求婚这事了 所以... You barely even liked her, but you\nwere still thinking about it,so...
听着 Ted 你很好\n这话很难说出口 Listen,Ted, you're great,\nand this is so difficult,
但是我觉得我们追求不一样 but I think we're looking\nfor different things.
那么祝你长命百岁 随便吧 So,live long and prosper. Or whatever.
那人是你? 你疯了! That was you? This is insane!
Ted 我做这些是为了帮你 Ted,I did those things to help you.
你就是个恋爱成瘾了 You're a commitment junkie.
你爱上这些女人\n即使她们不值得你爱 You fall in love with these women,\neven if they don't deserve you.
万一这些人中会有一个是我孩子的老妈呢? What if one of those women was supposed\nto be the mother of my children?
如果真有万分之一的机会\n我发誓我是不会这样做的 If there was ever the tiniest chance\nof that, I swear I didn't do anything.
比如Victoria和Stella Like with Victoria or Stella.
或者Robin Or Robin.
Robin Robin\nRobin,Robin.
你也把我们拆散了? Did you break us up,too?
别用对付敌人的口吻跟我说话! Stop talking to me like I'm your enemy!
你为失去这些女人难过\n但是我知道很多你没有意识到的事情 You weep for these women, but you have\nthe luxury of not knowing what I know:
那些分手的事 虽然悲痛\n却可能挽救了一段糟糕的 that those breakups, while tragic,\nprobably saved you from a crappy
花费昂贵的初婚 and very expensive first marriage.
是你拆散了我和Robin? Did you break me and Robin up?
你不会想知道事实的 你越深究\n你越明白实际上你是希望我给你把关的 You don't want the truth because deep down,\nyou want me out there watching out for you.
再深究 \n你会发现这些女人都成不了你孩子的妈 And deep down, you know that none of those women\nwere ever gonna be the mother of your children.
- 是你拆散了我和Robin?\n- 我只做了该做的事 - Did you break me and Robin up?\n- I did what I had to do.
- 是你拆散了我和Robin?\n- 你说对了 是我做的! - Did you break me and Robin up?\n- You're damn right I did!
Marshall 你的爷爷Olaf真是个神人啊 Marshall, your grandpa\nOlaf was a wise man.
你拆散了我和Robin? You broke me and Robin up?
- 不 不是那样的...\n- 我真不敢相信 - No,it's not...\n- I cannot believe this.
我要再喝一瓶 I need another drink.
你知道 我觉得下面有点凉凉的\n感觉真好 You know,I feel a little\nbreeze down there. It's nice.
你觉得那儿有点东西? Oh,you think that's something?
跨在这个热风口上\n感觉像是你处于热带岛屿一样 Stand over this heating vent. It's\nlike your junk is on a tropical island.
小Barney说声"谢谢"\n(夏威夷语言) Little Barney says "Mahalo."
说真的 你到底怎么回事 Lily? Seriously,what is wrong with you,Lily?
你怎么能这么做? How could you do that?
我这么是因为关心你! I did this because I care about you!
我真高兴你们看了这期的节目! I am so glad that is\nthe one you watched!
天啊 你怎么了? Dear God,what happened to you?
你们没看我的节目? You didn't watch my show?
节目 对不起 The show. Sorry.
有啥有趣的事吗? Something special happen?
老掉牙的 老掉牙的 Same old,same old.
Lily刚说是她使得我们分手的 Lily just told us that\nshe broke you and me up.
什么? 使我们分手?\n这是什么意思? What? Broke-broke us up?\nWhat does that even mean?
他们为啥要穿着睡袍? And why are these guys\nwearing nightgowns?
- 男式睡衣\n- 男式睡衣 - Nightshirts.\n- Nightshirts.
- 这是男式睡衣\n- 这叫男式睡衣 Robin - It's a nightshirt.\n- It's called a nightshirt,Robin.
我刚发现Lily是破坏我数段感情的\n罪魁祸首 包括咱俩的 Turns out Lily has taken it upon herself to\nsabotage many of my relationships, including ours.
不 Robin的情况不同\n我不想你们分手 No. Robin was different. I\ndidn't want you two to break up,
但是你们所要的生活方式完全不同\n又都不愿意面对和解决 but you wanted completely different things\nout of life and refused to deal with it.
我可以想象的出前廊发生的一幕 I could just picture that front porch.
哦 俩张桃心 Mm,two of hearts.
就像是我没出世的孩子的两颗心\n只因我可爱的太太不喜欢孩子 Just like the hearts of the two children I\nnever had because my lovely wife hates kids.
呣 小二一张 Mm,a deuce.
事实上 为了安定下来和Ted结婚\n我的事业全毁了 Exactly what my career dropped once I\ndecided to settle down and marry Ted.
牌连起来了! 我赢了 Bridge! I win.
嗯 我可不喜欢这个情节 Well,I do not like\nthat scenario one bit.
我只不过想让你们谈谈彼此的问题而已 All I tried to do was get you\nguys to talk about your issues.
2007年4月 A***\nI didn't know I was feeding you the\nwords that would lead to your breakup.
我也不知道我的那句话\n成为你们分手的祸根
嘿 有一个有趣的问题 问来玩一玩 Hey,here's a fun question, just for fun.
你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的? Where do you see yourself in five years?
当晚 l***\nYou know what's fun? Fun questions.
你知道什么是有趣的嘛? \n当然是有趣的问题啦
你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的? Where do you see yourself in five years?
第二天晚上
你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的? Where do you see yourself in five years?\nt***
你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的? Where do you see yourself?
别遮遮掩掩的\n你可能想结婚 Not to put words in your mouth,\nbut you probably want to be married.
我可能想结婚 I probably want to be married.
你可能想去东京或者巴黎 You probably want to\nbe in Tokyo or Paris.
我可能想去阿根廷 I probably want to be in Argentina.
阿根廷? Argentina?
或者是东京 巴黎 Or Tokyo or Paris.
我们的感情总会走到尽头 对吗? We have an expiration date, don't we?
哦 天啊 Oh,my God.
Lily 你不能这样操纵别人! Lily,you can't manipulate\npeople like that!
我认识你12年 老实说\n从没这样生过你的气! I\n- I've known you 12 years, and I can honestly say, I have never been more furious at you!
- 听着 我并不是有意...我只是...\n- 不! 我不想再听了! - Look,I didn't mean to...I was just...\n- No! I don't even want to hear it!
冷静! 咱先冷静一下! Settle down! Let's just settle down!
现在 让我来问个问题 Now,I have one question.
这身衣服在床上穿是什么感觉? What do these bad boys feel like in bed?
来吧 咱们进去试试看 Come on. Let's go see.
那么 如果不是因为你\n我和Ted可能还在继续拍拖? So,if it weren't for you, Ted\nand I might still be dating?
或者是你们俩一起待得太久待到腻烦 Or you would have stayed\ntogether far too long,
变成更痛苦的分手\n不能再做好友 had an incredibly bitter breakup\nand not even remained friends,
这样你我就不能成为好朋友了 and then you and I would\nnever have become best friends.
别这么说 好吗? Don't even say that. Okay?
不许抱! Stop hugging!
Lily 你无权干涉我的情感生活 Lily,you had no right to\ninterfere in my relationships.
你很幸运 对吧? You got lucky. Okay?
你18岁就在宿舍走廊里遇到了一生的挚爱 You met the love of your life in\na dorm hallway when you were 18.
但这并不意味着赋予你权利来扮演上帝 But that doesn't give\nyou the right to play God
来向我们这些仍在苦命寻找的凡人施恩 to the rest of us mortals down here\nwho are still looking for someone.
你太在乎你和Marshall最后\n会和谁在那前廊玩牌了 You're so concerned about who you and Marshall\nare gonna end up on that front porch with.
你知道吗? Well,you know what?
你留着你的想象吧 You can have it to yourselves.
你的外套怎么了? What happened to your jacket?
哦 沾了些烟灰 面包屑 胎盘 Oh,soot,bread crumbs, placenta.
你真一点没看节目啊? Did you at least TiVo it?
你每晚都穿得那么舒服\n而且还有Lily陪你嘿咻? So you're this comfy every night,\nand Lily still has sex with you?
对 这就是婚姻 伙计 无条件的爱 Yeah. That's what marriage is\nall about,man,unconditional love.
你爱穿什么都可以 还可以上床 You can wear whatever you\nwant and still get laid.
多给我讲点结婚的事 Tell me more about being married.
有时 你结婚了以后 Well,sometimes, when you're married,
你被餐桌上早餐的香味馋醒 you wake up to the smell of\nbreakfast already on the table.
- 还有咖啡?\n- 还有咖啡 - And coffee,too?\n- And coffee,too.
有时 她还会摆上一瓶鲜花 Sometimes,she'll even put out\na vase of freshly cut flowers.
我爱花 I love flowers.
那么有时 \n当你担心自己一生都是个错误 And sometimes, when you're worried you've\nmade all the wrong decisions in life
你不喜欢现在的自己\n她会怎么做? and you're not nearly the man you\nwant to be, what does she do then?
她会安慰说你很棒 一切都会好的 Well, she tells you that you're\ngreat and it's all gonna be okay.
太美妙了 That's wonderful.
她会帮你找别的妞儿来上床吗? And she'll help you find\nother girls to have sex with?
我猜会吧 I mean,I guess.
如果你们之前有过协议的话 Maybe if you agreed upon\nthat beforehand,yeah.
小家伙今天累坏了 Little guy had a big day.
咱们明天再聊吧 We'll talk about it tomorrow.
做个美梦 伙计 Sweet dreams,slugger.
第二晚 我还在生你们Lily阿姨的气 The next night,I was still\nangry at your aunt Lily.
直到... Until...
你在... What are you...
Lily过来把一切都讲清楚了 Lily came by and explained everything.
她让我把这封信给你 And she gave me this note for you.
Ted 对不起 "Ted,I'm sorry.
你跟谁结婚 对于我都没关系 "It doesn't matter to me who you marry.
我知道她们会很棒\n因为她们认为你很棒 "I know they'll be awesome\nbecause they'll think you are.
为表歉意 \n我在楼上为你和Karen搞了点小惊喜 "To show I mean it,I put together a little\nsurprise "for you and Karen upstairs.
爱你的 Lily Love,Lily."
另:很抱歉信封被拆开了 "P.S.Sorry the envelope\nwas already open.
我必须得读读她给你写了什么 Marshall\n"I had to read what\nshe wrote. Marshall."
想破坏我们的关系? Sabotaging our relationship?
我要说 即使用最弱的特殊标准来评定\n你的这个朋友 I got to say,even using the specially-ordered\nextra-low bar by which I judge your friends,
Lily这次也做得太过分了 Lily really outdid herself this time.
显然 我们不要再见她了 Obviously,we can't ever see her again.
我知道 这对你是个大损失 对吧? I know. It's a big loss,right?
嘿 记得你的大学老同学吗? Hey,rember your old college roommate?
他跟一个聒噪的白痴女孩结婚了 He was married to that\nshrill little idiot girl.
Marshall 哦 已经这么久远的事了 Marshall. Oh,it's been so long.
天啊 我恨他 God,I hated him.
这是他的讣闻 Anyway,here's his obituary.
然后我意识到 也许我的朋友们\n怎么看待我的女友并不重要 And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter\nwhat my friends think of my girlfriend,
但我女友如何看待我的朋友却很重要 but it sure as hell matters what\nmy girlfriend thinks of my friends.
- 所以你跟她分手了?\n- 对 - So you ended it?\n- Yeah.
你想不想做我约会的另一半\nLily厨艺不错 So if you want to be my plus\none, Lily's a damn good cook.
牛肉锅饼 Mac和奶酪\n国产牛奶饼干 Beef pot pie, mac and cheese,\nhomemade buttermilk biscuits.
哇 怪不得Marshall68岁就呜呼了 Well, no wonder Marshall dies at 68.
谢谢 Thank you.
所以 Robin和我享受了一次美妙的晚餐 So,Robin and I enjoyed a gourmet dinner.
对她来说是早餐 Well,for her it was breakfast.
然后我们最后做到了\nLily一直希望我们做的事: And we ended up doing exactly what\nLily wanted us to do all along:
我们谈论彼此的感情 we talked about our relationship.
- 那么 可以说 是Lily使得我们分手的\n- 没错 - So,Lily broke us up,sort of.\n- Yeah.
- 使得你不得不想\n- 没错 - Kind of makes you wonder.\n- Yeah.
我是说 如果不是她\n我们还会继续约会吗? I mean,if it weren't for her,\nwould we still be dating right now?
也许 Maybe.
但Lily是对的 我们还没准备好 But Lily was right. We weren't ready.
我们需要各自努力 去完成自己的事业 We both need to move\non, do our own thing.
现在也在努力之中 我猜 Still do,I guess.
咱俩做个约定吧 We should make a pact.
时光流逝 如果到我们40岁的时候\n都还单身... If the years go by, and we both\nturn 40, and we're still single...
Robin Scherbatsky...\nRobin Scherbatsky...
你是否愿意成为我备用的妻子? will you be my backup wife?
女孩子都梦想着听到这些话 A girl always dreams\nof hearing those words.
愿意! 愿意! 一百万次的愿意! Yes! Yes! A million times,yes!
- 好了 就算是个约定了\n- 没错 - All right,it's a deal.\n- Yeah.
那么 我们是不是要约法三章啊? So,should we set up some\nground rules for this?
好的 比如呢? Okay,like what?
我也不知道 比如我们不能有谁\n变成大肥猪了诸如此类的 I don't know. Like neither one of us\ncan get super fat. Stuff like that.
好吧 我只有一条: \n你不能穿那种男式长睡衣 Okay,I only have one: you\ncan't wear a nightshirt.
- 我绝不会穿长睡衣的\n- 谢天谢地 - I will never wear a nightshirt.\n- Thank God.
还是算了 Never mind.
不! No!