2009年5月 我作为一位独立设计的建筑师\n马上面临着第一位大客户的首肯 In May of 2009, I was on the verge of scoring\nmy first big client as an independent architect.
我愿意拼尽全力来争取 I was willing to do\nanything to make it happen.
小子 这就是我们想要的\n真的很简单 Here's what we want,son.\nIt's real simple.
我们要开一家叫肋骨城的餐厅\n希望它的外形像个牛仔帽 We're opening a restaurant called Rib Town\nand we want it to be shaped like a cowboy hat.
愿意做任何事 Anything.
牛仔帽? A cowboy hat?
太棒了 我爱死这想法了! That's brilliant. I love it!
我是说 在牛仔帽外形的餐厅进餐\n再美味不过了 对吧? I mean,nothing says delicious like\nthe inside of a cowboy hat,right?
瞧 我想说 我就是你们需要的人 Look,I'm telling\nyou-- I'm your guy.
我想我是为了设计这个餐厅而生的\n我已经... I\n- I think I was born to design this building. I just...
看到了蓝图 I see it.
我根本啥也看不到 看不到 看不到 I don't see it. I don't\nsee it. I don't see it.
你有啥好开心的? What's so good about it?
一宿没睡? Up all night?
我告诉那两家伙\n说我已经有了餐厅设计的构思 I told these guys I have\na vision for this thing.
他们这周内就要看设计图\n我却什么也设计不出来 They want to see a pitch\nin a week and I got nothing.
挺可爱的嘛 It's cute.
- 可爱?\n- 对啊 - Cute?\n- Yeah.
Robin 我本该去设计音乐厅和大桥的 Robin,I could be designing\nconcert halls and bridges.
桥梁如此优雅 \n甚至可以被放进博物馆 Bridges so beautiful\nthey could be in museums.
我甚至也可以设计那些博物馆 And I could design those museums.
但瞧瞧我在干什么呢?\n我事业的前景在哪呢? But what am I designing instead?\nWhat has my career come to?
一座两层的牛仔帽 前门还往两遍凹 A two-story Stetson with\noutdoor ding on the brim.
真是个有悖宇宙伦理的笑话 It's a sick cosmic joke.
这个宇宙都在合谋陷害我 The universe is conspiring against me.
你需要出去 走走溜溜 买个百吉饼 You just need to get out of the\nhouse. Take a walk. Get a bagel.
没错 没错 一切就都解决了 Yeah. Yeah,that'll solve everything.
我34小时都没合眼了\n但一个百吉饼就解决这一切了 I haven't slept for 34 hours,\nbut a bagel is the answer.
一个肉桂葡萄干百吉饼再抹少量乳酪 A cinnamon raisin bagel\nwith a little cream cheese.
事实上 听起来不错 \n我去买个百吉饼吧 Actually,that sounds pretty\ngood-- I'm going to get a bagel.
哦 记得带把伞 Oh,uh,bring an umbrella.
据Galoshes报道说会下雨 \n他是我们的天气小丑 It's supposed to rain, according\nto Galoshes, our weather clown.
你们的节目还有小丑来播报天气? Your show has a clown\nwho does the weather?
听上去很搞笑 你不觉得吗? That's a little cheesy, don't you think?
没错没错 \n牛仔 你设计的餐厅是什么样子的? Yeah,and what's that restaurant\nyou're designing shaped like,Hoss?
好吧 你想我出去 那我就出去好了 Fine. You want me out of the\nhouse, I'll get out of the house.
来不及想瞧瞧花花宇宙在外面又给我准备了什么了 Can't wait to see what the universe\nhas lined up for me out there.
孩子们 我一直在讲我如何遇见你们妈妈的故事 Kids,I've been telling you the\nstory of how I met your mother.
在所有的故事里 这一件也许是最重要的 And while there's many things to learn\nfrom this story, this may be the biggest.
你们人生的重要时刻\n不是因为你们做了什么 The great moments of your life won't\nnecessarily be the things you do.
而是你们的际遇 They'll also be the\nthings that happen to you.
我并不是说你们对于生活无所作为 Now,I'm not saying you can't take action\nto affect the outcome of your life.
你们必须要行动起来 你们也会这样做的 You have to take action, and you will.
但别忘了 某一天 But never forget that, on any day,
你们踏出前门 一生就会发生改变 you could step out the front door and\nyour whole life can change forever.
孩子们 你们知道宇宙有自己的定数\n它处于不断变化之中 You see,the universe has a plan,kids,\nand that plan is always in motion.
一只蝴蝶扇动翅膀... A butterfly flaps its wings...
天就开始下雨 and it starts to rain.
听上去有点诡异 却又如此美妙 It's a scary thought. But\nit's also kind of wonderful.
这些就如机器部件不断运转 All these little parts of the\nmachine constantly working,
确保你能来到对的地方 making sure that you end up\nexactly where you're supposed to be,
能赶上对的时间 exactly when you're\nsupposed to be there.
在对的时间来到对的地方 The right place at the right time.
老爸老妈浪漫史\n第四季 第22集
孩子们 如奇迹一般 我来到了街角 ***le that I ended up\non that street corner.
尤其是当你们知道错过这一切是多么的容易 especially when you consider how easy\nit would have been not to end up there.
比如 当我刚出门时 I mean,for instance, when I first\nstepped out of the apartment,
我差点就右拐 而不是左拐 I almost went right instead of left.
我为何不右拐呢? Why didn't I go right?
要回答这个问题\n我们要说说前几天发生的事 Well,to answer that, we\nhave to go back a few days.
你们知道 \n那时你们的Robin阿姨主持一档早间节目 As you know,back then, your\nAunt Robin hosted a morning show.
这些手提包都是Eunice亲手做的 Now Eunice here makes all\nof these purses herself.
它们是用全世界最好的丝绸\n手工刺绣而成的 They're hand embroidered\nwith the world's finest silk.
每一个都要花费数月的时间 And each one takes months to make.
我都无需强调这其中花费的功夫了... I cannot emphasize how\nmuch work goes into...
切播天气预报啊 白痴 Go to weather,you idiot.
嗨 大家好 Hey,everybody.
有股高气压将从西面袭来... We got a high pressure system\ncoming in from the west and...
从好的方面看 我今天买到了最可爱的手提包 On the plus side, I bought\nthe cutest purse today.
那么 慢着 你怎么会呕吐呢? So,wait, why did you throw up?
- 你不会想知道的 \n- 好啦 说吧 - You don't want to know.\n- Come on. Tell me.
我怀孕了 I'm pregnant.
我会和你一起抚养这个孩子的 I will raise this child with you.
你不是一个人在'战斗" You are not alone in this.
如果你愿意我们可以结婚\n但我还想和别的女生约会 We can even get married if you want,but\nI still want to see other girls,
那么这必须得是种特殊的婚姻 so it would have to be one\nof those kinds of marriages.
天啊 够啦 我没有怀孕 只是食物中毒 天啊\n(骗人^^ 你明明就是怀孕了) God,stop it. I'm not pregnant.\nIt's food poisoning.God.
我某个地方吃了早饭 3个钟头后 \n我就像开闸的消防栓一样呕吐不止 I ate something from this place and,three\nhours later, I was spewing like an open hydrant.
哪儿? From where?
这个可就是个粗鲁的问题了 Well,that's a gross question.
不是问这个 问你在哪儿吃的? No,where was the food from?
- 我不想跟你说 \n- 什么? - I don't want to tell you.\n- What?
Ted Ted Ted! 去YouTube网站看看 Ted,Ted,Ted! Go to YouTube.
搜索"Robin Scherbatsky晨间呕吐秀" \n哦 嘿 Robin 这么快就回来啦 Put in "Robin Scherbatsky morning\nshow vomit" Oh,hey,Robin. Home so soon.
都有人把这放到YouTube上了? Someone already put it on YouTube?
没错 某人 Yeah. Someone.
那么... 你怎么会呕吐? 你有了? So,uh... Why you been\nthrowing up? You pregnant?
没错 Barney 我有了 Yeah,Barney. I'm pregnant.
等等 你为啥不能告诉我你在哪食物中毒的? So,wait,why won't you tell me\nwhere you got food poisoning?
你喜欢那家店 一旦我告诉你\n就毁了它的美好形象了 You love this place. If I\ntell you, it'll just ruin it.
- 好吧 也有道理\n- 很好 - Okay,that makes sense.\n- Yeah.
别告诉我 Don't tell me.
是那家猫咪满桌滚的印度餐厅吗? Is it that Indian place where\nthe cat jumps on all the tables?
我不会说的 I'm not saying.
是那家店中央有张婴儿床的\n西班牙餐厅吗? That Spanish place with the baby's\ncrib in the middle of the restaurant?
我不会说的 I'm not saying.
哦 天啊 不 不 不 是这里吗? Oh,God,no. No,no,no. Is it this place?
- 告诉我 该死的!\n- 好吧 你真想知道? - Tell me,damn you!\n- Fine. You really want to know?
想! Yes!
- 是在Schlegel的百吉饼店 \n- 不! 你干嘛要告诉我啊? - It's Schlegel's Bagels.\n- No! Why did you tell me that?
Schlegel的店? 多谢你了 Robin Schlegel's? Thanks a lot,Robin.
这下我要在纽约城重新找一家百吉饼店了 Now I'm going to have to try to find\nanother place in New York That serves bagels.
所以孩子们你们看 如果我像平常一样\n去买Schlegel的百吉饼 我就会右拐了 So,you see,kids,if I had gone to Schlegel's\nBagels as usual, I would have taken a right.
我会买上一个百吉饼... I would have gotten a bagel...
回家去 继续设计那帽子餐厅\n就不会你们了 gone home, worked on the old hat building,\nand you kids might never have been born.
但我左拐 去我第二喜欢的百吉饼店\n余下发生的事才是历史 But I turned left instead, to go to my\nsecond-favorite bagel place and the rest is history.
当然 我半路在报刊亭停了一下 Of course,I stopped at that\nmagazine stand on the way.
我为何会停下? 这就是原因 Why did I stop there? Here's why.
好 好! Yes. Yes...
看这本"男人终生的杂志" Bro's Lifemagazine.
第83页 看看 Page 83. Check it.
"从漆弹枪选择看你的个性"? "What Your Paintball Gun\nSays About Your Personality"?
下面那行 Below that.
"最后5磅: 教她如何减重" "That Last Five Pounds: How\nto Get Her to Lose Them."
上面那句 Above that.
Petra Petrova\nPetra Petrova.
"男人终生的杂志"年度女孩的5月之花 Bro's Lifemagazine's\nGirl of the Year for May.
穿着细高跟和豹纹内裤的性感妞儿\n横扫整个亚视 A delicate flower in stiletto pumps\nand leopard panties, straddling an ATV.
这本杂志真无趣 \n她也许不过炒作和包装出来的 These magazines are so lame. I mean,she's\nprobably airbrushed and enhanced.
我和她有个约会 I have a date with her.
你简直是我的英雄! 当真?\n你怎么能泡到她的? You are my hero! Are you serious?\nHow do you have a date with her?
这不是故事的重点 Not part of the story.
Ted 为了说这个 我等了很久 Ted,I have been waiting\na long time to say this.
这是我要的女孩 This girl is the one.
当然啦\n你应该跟这些女孩结婚 这个女孩 Of course she's the one.\nYou have to marry those. Her.
结婚? 才不 Marry? No.
我有更好的主意 I have something much,much\nmore special in mind.
这个Petra 如果一切顺利 \n将会是我的--等等-- 第200个妞儿 Petra here,if all goes well, will\nbe my-- wait for it-- two hundredth.
抱歉 我心急了\n太令人兴奋了 Sorry,I couldn't wait.\nIt's all too exciting.
你的第200个 "上床对象"? Your two hundredth, as in "sex with"?
"上床对象" 我想来个最高的击掌 As in "sex with." I request\nthe highest of fives.
我只有穿着防护服才敢接掌 Not if I was wearing a HazMat suit.
200个也太多了 200 is too many.
哦没错 也许爽的东西太多了 Oh,right,'cause there can be\ntoo many of something wonderful.
"嘿 Babe Ruth 悠着点 大块头 \n(美国棒坛传奇人物) "Hey,Babe Ruth, easy,big fella.
咱别击出太多本垒打啦" Let's not hit too many homers."
"嘿 斯蒂芬.斯皮尔伯格 \n只拍三部警匪片就够了 "Hey, "Steve Guttenberg, "maybe\njust make three Police Academymovies.
美国人笑够了" America's laughed enough."
她们都是谁? Who are these girls?
我是在讽刺你 别给我看名单啊 That was rhetorical.\nDon't show me the list.
199位满意客户 199 satisfied customers.
周四才是大日子 Anyway,the big night is Thursday.
我要在MacLaren酒吧\n预先举办一个庆祝派对 I'm having a celebratory\nsoiree beforehand at MacLaren's.
准备祝酒词 Prepare a toast.
黑领结可选戴 但最好都戴 Black tie optional, but preferred.
至于礼物 瞧 我会说不需要\n但你们尽可随意 Gifts are, look,I would say\nunnecessary, but follow your heart.
Barney 200个太多了 Barney,200's too many.
- 一点都不多\n- 太多了! - It's not too many.\n- It's too many!
- 并不算太多\n- 谢谢 - It's not too many.\n- Thank you.
哦 别误解我的意思 Oh,no,don't get me wrong.
你个混蛋 \n警察早该给你的小JJ钳个枷锁 You're disgusting,and the cops should\nprobably clamp a boot on your genitals,
但这个数目应该更高才对 but that number should be higher.
自从Barney告诉我这些之后\n我分析了下这些数字 然后... After Barney told me about all this,\nI crunched the numbers and,well...
我做了些图表 I had some charts made up.
这里显示 \n'粗'率估算Barney每周泡20个妞儿 Barney here hits on\nroughly 20 girls a week.
哦 多于20个 Whoa,it's way more than 20.
还有 是温柔的 不是'粗'的 And B. Smooth don't do nothing roughly.
那我们就算是20个吧 Let's say 20.
那么一周20妞儿就意味着一年1,040个 So,20 girls a week\nmeans 1,040 girls a year.
在Barney长达16年的性生活中 In Barney's 16 years of sexual activity,
也就意味着他泡过16,640个妞儿 that means he's hit on 16,640 girls.
那么 如果他只上过其中的199个\n那么成功率只是... Now,if he's bedded 199 of them,\nthat is a success rate of...
比1%多一点 a little over one percent.
这比击中一个安打的几率还差8倍 That's a batting average\nof 12, eight times worse
是跟职业的独臂投手的安打率相比哦 than the career batting\naverage of one-handed pitcher--
没错 投手--Jim Abbott\n(右手残疾的棒球运动员) that's right,pitcher--\nJim Abbott.
眼红者 眼红者 英雄 Jealous. Jealous. Hero.
在此性伴侣数目的讨论中非常可疑沉默的女人\n英雄 Suspiciously quiet during this conversation\nabout number of sex partners, hero.
这是个总计 总数才是关键 It's the grand total. That's\nthe only number that matters.
谁说的? Says who?
Matthew Panning Richmond港口中学的学生 Matthew Panning, the stud of\nPort Richmond Middle School.
Stinson 你真是个孬种 Stinson,you're such a dweeb-o.
我敢打赌你从没干过一个妞儿 I bet you never even\ndone it with a girl.
你不也是 Neither have you.
我还要强调多少回? How many times do I\nhave to explain this?
我都上过100个妞儿了 I've done it with 100 girls.
她们在长岛上七年级 \n我的表哥的同学 They're seventh graders at my\ncousin's school on Long Island.
好吧 你知道嘛 Matthew Well,you know what,Matthew?
总有一天 我要上200个 Someday, I'm gonna do it with 200.
好啊 到时记得通知我 Yeah. Call me whenthathappens.
我会打给他的 And call him I will.
我猜他会慢慢地再说一次的 I think he's gonna say\nit again really slow.
我一定会... Call him...
打给他的 I will.
嘿 你名单上写了2次Gaby Allan\n第78条和第162条 Hey,you listed Gaby Allan\ntwice, as 78 and 162.
什么? 让我看看 What? Let me see.
70... 一次 天啊 Seventy... Once. Oh,my God.
等下...同一个妞我算了2次? Wait a... I counted the same girl twice?
就是说只有198个? That means I'm only at one 198?
说明你的猥琐度降低0.5个百分点 Well,that only means that you're half\na percent less gross than we thought.
2小时后我要去勾搭捷克超模 I'm seducing a Czech\nsupermodel in two hours.
我不要她成为第199个 不! I can't squander that on 199. Nooo!
Petra得是第200个 Petra has to be 200.
你打算咋办? Well,what are you going to do?
我是说 要在接下来2小时内\n找个妞上床简直难于上青天 I mean,it's not like you're going to find someone\nnew to have sex with in the next two hours.
Barney Stinson 富豪宇航员 Barney Stinson, millionaire astronaut.
想去我家看些玉螺不? Want to come back to my place\nand see some moon shells?
走开 Go away.
我刚从妻子的墓地回来 I just got back from my wife's grave.
去年的今天埋她入土 天哪 我好想她 Put her in the ground a year\nago today. Man,I miss her.
让我寻找些慰藉吧 I sure could use some comfort.
你真变态 You're creepy.
天哪 你还不厌倦红尘么? Man,aren't you sick of all the games?
我只想安定下来 生一群小崽子\n现在就想 I just want to settle down and have\na gaggle of rug rats,like,right now.
我有防狼器 我很喜欢使用它 I have Mace, and I enjoy using it.
Marshall?\nMarshall?
现在对我来说千钧一发\n你觉得Lily会不会愿意 knowing how important this is to me\ndo you think Lily would even consider--
我愿意付出一切代价... And by the way,I would\ndo all the work...
- 我会结果了你\n- 好吧 - I will end your life.\n- Right.
Barney去哪啦? 都一个多小时了 Where'd Barney go?\nIt's been over an hour.
瞅着名单上的名字\n我觉得没多大种族差异性 You know,looking over the names on this list,\nI'm not sensing a lot of ethnic diversity.
他真该仔细看看 He should really look\nat that in himself.
好 完成 第199个搞定 还剩一个 Okay. All done. 199 down,one more to go.
嘿 你喝完了不? Hey,you done with your drink?
真舒服 There's the stuff.
你到底咋回事? What the hell happened to you?
我的健身房里有个女孩 Pauline So,there's this girl\nat my gym-- Pauline--
她追了我很久 she's been after me for some time.
那你为啥等到现在? Why'd you wait until now?
她绝不是我喜欢的那型 She's not exactly my type.
看上去不错 Pauline Looking good,Pauline.
看来要在今秋的Sarasota\n铁人三项比赛中搏击金牌哈 You are gonna rip it up at the Women's\nPumping Iron Classic in Sarasota this fall.
我在考虑我俩的事 So,um,I was thinking about you and me
要你对我还有感觉... and if you're still interested,um...
好的 小黄毛 投入妈妈的怀抱吧! Okay,blondie, time for Mama's cardio!
天哪! 老妈! Aw,geez! Mommy!
她的肌肤舔起来尽是\n烤牛肉味 还有肌酸味 Every inch of her tasted\nlike roast beef and creatine.
但我做到了 But I did it.
而且离Petra的约会还剩30分钟呢 I did it and I still have 30 minutes\nbefore I'm supposed to meet Petra.
Robin 你有遮瑕膏吗? Robin,do you have any concealer handy?
我想把淤青 灼伤统统遮掉 I'd really like to cover up\nsome bruises and razor burn.
Barney 我不想打击你 可是... Uh,Barney,I hate to break\nthis to you, but,um...
啥? What?
你的确把Gaby Allan算了2次 Well,you did count Gaby Allan twice,
可列表上138后仍是138 but,um,you also went from 138 to 138.
同一个数字你写了2次 You used the same number twice.
等下 就是说Pauline不是第199个\n而是第200个? Wait,so,that means Pauline\nwasn't 199 Pauline was 200?
恭喜你! Congratulations!
不 那位子是Petra的! No,I-- That was\nsupposed to be Petra!
Petra才是第200个! Petra was supposed to be 200!
美丽 娇柔 "床上不带配重腰带"的Petra! Gorgeous,feminine, "Doesn't wear\na weight belt in bed," Petra!
嘿 拜托 你搞定200个了 Hey,come on. You made it to 200.
你该自豪才对 You should be proud.
你该去检查检查 但引以为豪先 You should be tested\nbut you should be proud.
Pauline的比基尼杂志照不摆姿势\n也没人在乎 Who cares if Pauline doesn't pose\nfor bikini pictures in magazines?
问题是她肯定会摆 Actually,she does.
她将成为下周的性感肌肉女郎 She's gonna be in next\nweek's issue ofMuscle Sexxy.
和那本杂志里众多女人一样\n有两条X和一条Y染色体 And like many of the ladies in that\nmagazine, Sexxy has two X's and one Y.
所以在买百吉饼的路上\n我在报亭前停留了一会 And so,on my way to get a bagel, I\nstopped at a newsstand for a full minute
瞅瞅Barney第200个妞的照片 to check out a picture\nof Barney's 200th.
Barney...\nOh,Barney...
要是不这么做 我就会直接经过报亭 If I hadn't done that, I would've\nwalked right by the newsstand,
穿过第77街 早一分钟到达那转角 cut down 77th and gotten to\nthat corner a minute early.
买百吉饼 然后干些活\n要是这样 你们就不会来到这世上 I would've gotten the bagel,done some work,\nand you kids might never have been born.
为啥过第77街后 我会给流浪汉一块钱呢? Now,why did I cut down 77th, and\ngive a dollar to the homeless guy?
是这样的 Here's why.
Marshall刚进歌利亚国家银行那会儿... Back when Marshall first started\nworking at Goliath National Bank...
Fran 抱歉打扰下\n我明天要做个报告 Um,Fran, I don't mean to bother you\nbut I have a big presentation tomorrow
要是我做些图表 报告会就会更出彩 and it would really help if I could\nget like some charts and graphs made up.
你能帮帮我吗? Could you help me with that?
亲爱的 这里是制图部 Honey,this is the graphics department.
随你用何种颜色 何种纸质\n想怎么制图表 就能怎么制 We can make as many graphs, as many charts in as\nmany colors on as many kinds of paper as you want.
Fran\nOh,Fran.
Frannie Frannie Fran\nOh,Frannie,Frannie,Fran.
我们来点有趣的玩玩 We are gonna have some fun.
按照名字读音的猥琐程度\n我把总统名如下排序 I've ranked the Presidents in order\nof how dirty their names sound.
第一名 Johnson(男性生殖器) One: Johnson.
第二名 Bush(阴毛) Two: Bush.
第三名 Harding(变硬) Three: Harding.
第四名 Polk(波尔卡舞) Four: Polk.
这个圈代表"伤透我心的人" This circle represents "People\nWho Are Breaking My Heart..."
这个圈代表"每天打击我自信的人" and this circle represents "People\nWho Are Shaking My Confidence Daily."
相交起来就是Cecilia And where they overlap: Cecilia.
这是饼图代表着我最爱去的酒吧 This is a pie chart\ndescribing my favorite bars.
这个柱状图代表着我最爱吃的派\n（pie和bar的互文） And this is a bar graph\ndescribing my favorite pies.
咋回事? What's going on?
别再玩图表 Enough with the charts.
还有曲线图 And the graphs.
还有任何把数据形象化的统计法 Really any visual\nrepresentation of data.
我不是白痴 I'm not an idiot.
好吧 我知道你们对我的图表有意见 Okay,uh,I know how you guys feel\nabout my charts and my graphs.
事实上 我拿你们对图标的看法\n制成了图表 来瞧瞧吧 As a matter of fact, I've made a chart of\nyour reaction to my charts. Let's take a look.
的确 自从Cecelia图表之后\n你们对图表的兴趣稳步下跌 Yes,it is true, since Cecelia,your interest\nin my charts has been steadily dropping.
但是基于最近的走势 我又制了份... But based on recent\ntrends, I have also made...
投影图! A projection chart!
瞧瞧...即将带来巨大的回潮! And look... huge spike\nin interest coming!
这可不是回光返照 And this isn't just\nsome dead cat bounce.
是长期的大幅度稳固增长 This is big sustainable\ngrowth over the long term.
去你的大幅度稳固增长 You're a big sustainable growth.
我制了些图表来 Okay,so,I have prepared\na few charts to,uh,
阐述如何在百慕大开空头公司 demonstrate how setting up a\nshell corporation in Bermuda
它能帮我们把第二季度的损失\n降到最低 could help minimize our\nsecond quarter losses.
还能免除你们的牢狱之灾 And save you all some jail time.
首先... To begin with...
能稍等一会儿不? Could you just please excuse me?
Mosbius设计公司 Mosbius Designs.
我的图表哪去了? What the hell happened to my charts?
- 我们扔了\n- 啥? - We threw them away.\n- What?
这么干预才有效嘛 Marshall That's how an intervention\nworks,Marshall.
你老是没完没了\n我们只得斩草除根 You wouldn't stop using,\nso,we flushed your stash.
拜托 Ted! 图表要派用场 伙计! Come on,Ted! I need my charts,man!
就今天 我保证以后再也不用图表了 Just for today and then I promise\nI will never ever use charts again.
我快崩溃了 还我图表 蠢蛋! I'm under at lot of pressure\nhere. I need my charts,Jack!
我的天 你上班时间还在制图表? Oh,my God,you're doing charts at work?
派工作用场 蠢蛋! They're for work,you idiot!
我正在做报告 要是没那些图表\n我就会被炒鱿鱼! I'm giving a big presentation right now and if\nI don't have those charts I'm gonna get fired!
真要命 好的\n等着 我马上送来 Oh,crap. Um,okay,uh,stay right\nthere. I'll bring them to you.
快点 我得想办法拖延时间 Hurry up! I'll try to think\nof a way to stall them.
嗨 好的... Hi,okay,um...
抱歉图表会晚点到 I'm sorry but there's been a\nlittle delay with the charts.
我们马上开始吧 But we will get started\nin just a minute.
鱼很怪异 对吧? Fish are weird,right?
我是说 鱼哪怪了? I mean,uh,what's up with fish?
图表! 看看图表吧! Charts! Get your charts here!
打扰下 Milt? Oh,uh,excuse me,Milt?
我想那些图表是我的 Um,I think those are my charts.
- 这些图表?\n- 嗯 - These charts?\n- Yeah.
毯子上的呢? On my blanket?
其实毯子也是我的 那些我们慢点说 Uh,that's also my blanket.\nWe'll get to that later.
我现在就要这些图标 But I really need these charts.
好 我正在卖呢 Oh,good,'cause they're for sale.
好吧 多少钱? Fine,how much?
一百万 Uh,one million dollars.
我给你5块 I'll give you five bucks.
一百万 A million dollars.
鬼才会花一百万买这些图表! No one's gonna pay a million\ndollars for these charts!
一百万 One million dollars.
好吧 败给你了 Okay,Milt,you win.
我会付一百万 I'm gonna give you one million dollars.
嘘嘘... Urinating...
问题是ATM机... The problem is,the ATM...
外星时空机 The alien time machine.
外星时空机有提款限制 The alien time machine\nhas a withdrawal limit.
所以我想这么做 So,here's what I'm gonna do.
我每天给你一块直至一百万天 I'm gonna give you one dollar\na day for a million days.
要... That's,uh...
- 要2700年\n- 嗯 - That's 2700 years.\n- Yeah.
成交! Deal!
蠢蛋 Sucker.
不好意思 还有哪种鲈鱼我不知道? I'm sorry,is there a land\nbass I don't know about?
我们开始吧 Let's get started.
要是我不把图表送还给Marshall And so,if I hadn't bought\nthose charts back for Marshall,
露过第77街后就不会\n给Milt一块钱 结果可想而知 I wouldn't have had to cut down 77th to give\nMilt his daily dollar and well,you know the rest.
你们现在知道了吧 孩子们 So,there you have it,kids.
很多微不足道的小事\n促成了人生的重大节点 There's a lot of little reasons why\nthe big things in our lives happen.
要是那时我知道这些小事会促成 If I had known then where all\nthose little things were leading me,
我现在的幸福生活\n我会满怀感激地这么做 and how grateful I'd be to get there, well,I\nprobably would've done something like this.
\n* Hey,glad girls only wanna get you high
\n* Hey,glad girls Only wanna get you high
\n* And they're all right
\n* Glad girls only wanna get you high
\n* And they're all right
因为冥冥之中 我处于\n对的时间 对的地点 'Cause somehow,I ended up in the\nright place at the right time.
此后我的生活不再平淡 And,as a result, my life\nwould never be the same.
第二天Barney叔叔终于见到Matthew Panning A few days later,Uncle Barney\nfinally confronted Matthew Panning,
利治蒙港中学的小霸王 the stud of Port Richmond Middle School.
Barney 真高兴接到你电话 So,Barney,great to hear\nfrom you after all this time.
过得咋样? What's been going on?
我和200个妞上过床了 I've had sex with 200 women.
我的天! 太多了吧 Oh,God! That's way too many.
我是说 有点恶心 I mean,that's just gross.
你去咨询过性上瘾症吗? Have you sought counseling\nfor sex addiction?
你这样可不妙 Because you're a prime candidate.
你去咨询过我赢你输不? Uh,have you sought\ncounseling for I win you lose?
嗯 你初一就泡到100妞也不怎么厉害 Yeah,suddenly those 100 girls you nailed\nin the seventh grade aren't so impressive.
100个妞? 就为这破事? 100 girls? Is that what this is about?
Barney 我骗你的 Barney,I lied.
你确实干了 Sure you did.
我才12岁 撒谎的年纪 I was 12-- of\ncourse I was lying.
我也没有养Ewok(见电影星球大战) I didn't have a pet Ewok either.
你确实没有 Sure you didn't.
你的全部生活都围绕着\n我12岁时说的谎话? Your whole adult life has been built\naround something I lied about when I was 12?
嫉妒了? Jealous?
听着 我得去接孩子回家 Look,I gotta go pick\nmy kids up at school.
貌似你病得不轻 It sounds like you\ngot a lot of problems.
祝你好运 Good luck,I guess.
我真牛逼 I'm awesome.
好吧 200 Okay,200.
然后呢? Now what?