- What's this? - I just fell!
And what are you doing?
Come here now!
- He needs a doc. - Are you a nurse?
Mr Van Damme!
This is...
Commissioner Bruges, pick up the phone
so we can talk.
Is this a joke?
No, Jean-Claude.
They saw you with the cabinet.
- Moving a cabinet is robbing a bank? - Shut up!
If you need anything, pick up the phone.
I'm your contact.
Bruges.
Here's our ticket out!
I have enough problems...
I said, shut up!
Go ahead, big shot!
Are we having fun, here?
Can't believe it!
- You read English? - Yes.
If you tell them, you'll have blood on your hands.
- What do I say? - Let them talk.
What's "custody"?
He picked up!
Mr Van Damme.
Bruges. How's it going inside?
It could be better.
OK, let me ask you first, is anyone injured?
A man's unconscious and bleeding.
OK, good. May I call you Jean-Claude?
I'm Commissioner Bruges.
You can call me Christian.
You must release the wounded man.
Neither one of us wants to have blood on our hands.
Of course.
Will you release him?
No, no one leaves. It's impossible.
What if I came with a doctor?
Hey, if there's a murder, it's no longer a robbery.
- And if I come with a doc? - Alright, but unarmed.
I give you my word.
Bruges...
- Whoever walks in is dead. - If a man dies, we're screwed.
Heard me earlier?
Well, they could come naked.
In hostage movies, the bad guys ask the good guys to come in
naked, so they know they're clean.
How about naked?
Fine, tell them.
Where's Petrucciani?
3. Stone falls on Egg,
Egg breaks.
Sorry, man! Didn't recognize you!
Speak.
Hey, Jeff, how are you?
Hey, dog! What's up, dog?
Good, good, good... Not so good.
I need some money.
Listen, can I advance, er...
Can the producers advance me some money?
Listening Jean-Claude, I was gonna call you...
... right after your vacation was over.
They took someone else.
Who?
Steven...
Steven?
He promised to cut his ponytail.
It hurts,
I know.
Ok, ok, can you... Can I borrow some money from you?
Hello! Crank it up...
Hey, man! You're breaking up here, I'm losing you.
You must be in a tunnel or something!
Cut the bullshit! Come on the phone!
All right. Yeah, yeah.
What's next?
No Limit Injury. It's about a Viet vet...
We've done this movie 6 months ago.
We did?
What's next?
No Limit Injury 2! It's about a Gulf War vet.
who fights to pay for his son education.
- Is it good? - I don't know.
- Did you read it? - I don't know.
Call the producers... and... tell them I need some upfront.
- Hey, man, I can't do that! - Just fucking do it, Jeff!
Aren't you Van Damme?
You're Jean-Claude Van Damme, my idol!
Listen...
I'm really tired and I...
Don't start acting like a big shot,
Mr Hero of the century!
I can finally talk to you and listen to that tone!
Let me talk to you. You can rest, but let me talk.
Close your eyes, but let me talk to you.
Anyway, when I see you on screen,
well, you're really different!
Really?
I think you look much better on screen.
And you're much nicer too,
I can tell you that...
- No, it's just that... - Even if you're tired.
I like you better on screen.
- You hurt my feelings. - Oh, c'mon...
I always thought you'd be nicer.
Everyone worships you here in Belgium, you're our star!
You represent us in Hollywood.
Get used to having a driver who talks!
OK.
- Please! - Sorry.
Yes, sorry! Yes!
What's that?
You don't need to show off!
- You're doing it on purpose or what? - No, I'm not.
But you're nice.
You too, but even more on screen!
It's hot in here!
- Should I open? - No, I'm tired.
Then sleep, but let me talk.
All cab drivers in Brussels talk!
You better get used to it if you come here often.
No, seriously!
Star, star, star. What are we talking about?
I surely didn't expect this kind of attitude!
Ma'am, I didn't mean to... Sorry.
Well you hurt me anyway, you don't realize, you're my idol!
I'm sorry.
I saw all your films.
How can you be so rude?
I'm sorry, I'm tired...
- I still want a picture with you! - I promise.
- Promise? - Yes, ma'am.
- And you'll sign it? - Yes, ma'am.
- It's for my son! - Yes, ma'am.
Jean-Claude!
It's been over an hour and a half now since Van Damme
has taken refuge in the Schaerbeek downtown post office.
She looks better on TV.
We can't really say what happened.
After using a gun several times,
an anonymous source says...
So tell the source to stay anonymous!
If anyone blabs, you'll hear from me!
Yes, chief.
Thank you, chief. Call him back.
No, he was here and there were three people there.
OK, the Prefect authorized the transfer. It's an order.
And the ransom?
- That'll have to calm him down. - I've seen worse.
There's no attack. With a kid inside, I'm not budging.
He picked up!
Good news!
- The transfer's authorized. - Did it go through?
It will
if you cooperate... Sorry, but it's a 2-way street.
And the money?
Same thing, it'll take a bit longer.
You're gonna have to cooperate.
It's...
What do you want?
The kid. Let him go.
I'll call you back.
The crowd's agitated. Something's going on over there.
What's the commotion?
Let's go. Despite all this confusion,
a car is trying to get through.
- Who is it? - What?
- Who is it? - The Van Varenbergs.
- Who? - Van Damme's parents.
Why don't you escort them?
Please! Please!
Mrs Van Damme! Your son...
My son's a good man!
No comment!
What do you think you're doing? Trying to screw me?
- You're nuts or what? - Say you wanna screw me.
- I'm not saying that. - The kid stays.
- They gave in. - Shut up. It's our only vest.
He's right. They gave in.
Hey, who's doing the hold-up?
They gave in to him. No hostage is leaving.
Get back, I told you!
For the second time, don't move!
- Watch your tone. - I do as I please.
- Get on back! - Shut up, you heard me.
- Lower your gun. - Calm down!
You lower yours first.
- Go on back. - Shut up and lower your gun.
- Go on back. - I'm going now.
They'll break negotiations.
And I'll break your neck.
If it's not the kid, let a hostage go.
Just don't shoot, man.
Don't shoot.
Stop it.
He's right.
If we let one go, he's gonna talk.
Not the one I'm thinking of.
Tell them we'll release one.
- Your maniac son hurt someone. - Maniac?
He's Jean-Claude.
He's Camille.
He's Frannis.
He's Van Damme or Van Varenberg!
But he's not a maniac!
Get outta here.
He's on the line, boss.
Gotta do something for the kid.
Help me convince your son to let him go.
OK for a hostage, but not the kid.
Someone wants to talk to you.
Honey?
Mom?
What are you doing, son?
Nothing.
Nothing!
Please talk to me, dear.
Nothing, mom.
Mom, give me the...
son of a bitch!
Get my lawyer on the phone.
Tell them I'm releasing a hostage. Don't cry, Mom.
Hurry up!
Take them away.
It was my mother.
I don't give a shit about your mother.
Wanna hear about mine?
- Last time I saw her... - What?
... was when I was born.
He tries to screw me, then he makes me cry.
You come with me.
- Why? - 'Cause you're getting out.
So, let's go.
No, he stays here.
C'mon, mister.
Make the transfer and get me his lawyer.
Rule number 1.
It's the maniac that shows good faith.
C'mon.
- Why do I have to go? - Shut up. Come with me.
Why do you want to keep him?
- He stays here. You come with me. - Let him go.
Not without me.
Not without my son!
Hello?
Wait. The lawyer's on the line.
Hi, Sir.
Mister...
One moment...
Mr. Bernstein,
We need you to talk the voice of reason to your client.
Get him on the phone!
Stand up, up you go!
Let me go!
- You sure are lucky. - So are you.
- With your gun. - You too sure are lucky.
You're really lucky.
Let me go!
Damien, I'll be back. Mommy's coming back!
Move.
Move. Get up.
When I say get up, you get up!
One word and you're dead.
Hello?
Jean-Claude, What the hell is wrong with you?
You've got money?
Yes, of course, but... What the f...
So then, do your job!
If you open your mouth, you're gonna find your kid in pieces.
I'll take care of him.
What? You can't even take care of your own kid!
It's all your fault!
They're raising the curtain!
Stand back.
Please, ma'am. I said stand back.
Over there.
Over there, I said.
OK, so we put it all in boxes.
I'm gonna keep a Christmas decoration.
I like this one.
It's a little beauty.
This way, we 'll remember it's almost Mardi Gras.
Our minds crossed. I took a heart from my tree.
Yeah, and St. Valentine 's Day is coming up. Hurray for love.
Dimitri's so romantic!
It's our 1,500th show today!
This movie is for me.
There we are, you and me.
Why did you do that?
Or why did I do that?
You made my dream come true.
I asked you for it.
I promised you something in return and I haven't delivered yet.
You win, I lose.
Unless...
the path you've set for me
is full of hurdles
where the answer comes before the question.
Yeah, I do that.
Now I know why.
It's the cure, from what I've seen here.
It all makes sense.
It makes sense to those who understand.
So... America,
poverty,
stealing to eat...
Stalking producers, actors, "movie stars",
going to clubs hoping to see a star,
with my pictures, karate magazines.
It's all I had. I didn't speak English.
But I did 20 years of karate.
'Cause before I wasn't like that.
This... This is me today.
I used to be small and scrawny.
And I took up karate. Hence the Dojo, hence respect,
thou shall believe people who say,
"Oss!"
It's Samurai code.
It's honor, no lies.
So this guy in the US,
it's not the same thing.
No one says "Oss" to you.
Sometimes people in show business say,
I believed in people, in the Dojo.
I was blessed and had a lot of "wives".
I always believed in love.
It's hard for a woman with three kids to say,
"Which one do I love more?"
A mother...
If you have 5, 6, 7 or 10 wives in a lifetime,
they've all got something special,
but no one cares about that
in the so-called media.
What about drugs?
When you got it all, you travel the world.
When you've been in all the hotels,
you're the prima donna of the Penthouse.
And in all hotels the world over, traveling,
you want something more.
And because of a woman...
Well, because of love,
I tried something and I got hooked.
Van Damme, the beast,
the tiger in a cage,
the "Bloodsport" man got hooked.
I was wasted mentally and physically.
To the point that I got out of it.
I got out of it.
But...
It's all there.
It was really tough.
I saw people worse off than me.
I went from poor to rich and thought, why aren't we all like me.
Why all the privileges?
I'm just a regular guy.
It makes me sick to see people...
who don't have what I've got.
Knowing that
they have qualities, too.
Much more than I do!
It's not my fault if I was cut out to be a star.
I asked for it.
I asked for it, really believed in it.
When you're 13, you believe in your dream.
Well, it came true for me.
But I still ask myself today
what I've done on this earth.
Nothing!
I've done nothing!
And I might just die in this post office,
hoping to start all over here in Belgium,
in my country, where my roots are.
Start all over with my parents and get my health back,
pick up again. So I really hope...
nobody's gonna pull a trigger in this post office...
It's so stupid to kill people. They're so beautiful!
So, today, I pray to God.
I truly believe
it's not a movie.
It's real life.
Real life.
I've seen so many things.
I was born in Belgium,
but I'm citizen of the world.
I've travelled a lot.
It's hard for me to judge people
and it's hard for them...
not to judge me.
Easier to blame me.
Yeah, something like that.
Dimitri's so romantic!
It's our 1,500th show today!
And I'm giving out rare items
like the red wig "Veronique et Sebastien" never wore.
We don't know why!
It's the hat full of ideas for reportages.
Say, Arthur?
- That's your name, right? - Yeah.
We've gotta free the hostages.
I can't do that, Jean-Claude.
Yes, you can. It's easy.
We just go there,
raise the curtain
and split!
4. Egg falls on Stone,
Egg breaks.
7 hostages left! How are we gonna hold out?
- It's OK. We need time. - Wait for what? What's the plan?
The cops question her, then what?
- They count the dough. - After that...
Hey, what dough?
You're waiting for them to count the million?
You crazy? What's a million? I won't calm down.
How are you gonna get out? She'll blab.
No, we've got the kid.
I tell you, the first one to leave dies.
You can't kill anyone.
I'll kill whoever I like. No more talking!
The next one out is dead. A hostage, whatever!
Whoever you want, you got it?
We'll obtain more that way and have the upper hand.
What are you doing?
What? You want to hold it for me?
Let's wait for the bus...
What the bus? We're gonna go home by bus?
Why not on the subway!
Hey, it's the second round or what?
I'm pissing.
- Pissing? - Yeah!
You piss silently?
Yeah, don't you?
- You piss white? - Yeah!
You piss invisible! Think I'm an idiot?
Why? Are you sick?
Do you piss yellow? Red?
At least, there's color.
- You're sick. - So, I'm sick?
- I'm sick? - Yeah.
Wait, I'm going back to my spot...
Where the fuck are they?
Back in the room, faster!
Let her through, she's the mother! It's her son!
Move back.
What do you want?
You wanna screw me over again?
I was just trying to help...
Move back!
I said, move back!
- Don't shoot. - Move back, move back.
Don't fucking shoot!
- What are you doing? - You're gonna shoot me?
What I'm doing? What about you?
Whose side are you on?
- Who are you with? - Shut up!
Let him go!
We want information!
I said, get the fuck outta here!
You, motherfucker!
Let go.
Sir!
My son, Jean-Claude...
- What's going on? - Is Jean-Claude dead or...
Answer me, damn it! He's my son!
Make her stop crying!
I said, let go!
What?
Go ahead, shoot!
You too, get lost!
Back to our correspondent in Los Angeles
where it seems Van Damme's attorney has a statement to make.
We represented Mr. Van Damme for over fifteen years,
which is a lot of time, a lot of business, a lot of friendship, so...
It is with the greatest regret that
I had to prepare the statement with my colleagues
"Because of Mr. Van Damme's behavior and for ethical purposes,
my firm and myself hereby,
immediately cease to represent Jean Claude Van Damme."
Go, over there!
Bang!
Like in movies.
What the hell are you doing?
Whose side are you on, you dork? That moron soften you up?
Oh yeah, I'm the dork?
Yeah, a 32-year-old who still watches karate films?
And who gets softened up like a beginner!
- A beginner? - Yeah!
Robbing a post office at my age, that's a youth mistake! But at 52...
Yeah, right! 52 years old!
You owe me some respect. I could be your father!
My father? Because of your age?
No, because I fucked your mother!
Sure!
Are you happy now?
Did you ever go to school?
You'd know that stone falls on egg,
breaks egg
and egg which...
an egg which falls...
Because we can't...
You can't save...
the world.
What?
We said, "Not the mothers!"
I don't wanna die.
It's over, it's over.
Don't worry, Jean-Claude.
Aren't we better off without him?
- He shot him in the head. - Put Jean-Claude on.
Jean-Claude?
I wanted to ask you...
Could you sign me an autograph?
For Arthur.
Promise?
Thanks.
The cops.
- No! - Yes...
Arthur?
Don't shoot!
Police!
Police! Don't move!
I'm a hostage!
I need a doctor, now!
- Drop the gun! - Get lost!
Get out or I'll smoke him!
- Drop the gun! - Let him go.
Get outta here or I'll smoke him!
It's not him!
It's not Jean-Claude!
- Get outta here! - Drop the gun!
I'm gonna smoke him! Get outta here!
I didn't do anything!
What the hell is going on here?
You're a criminal!
Extortion of 465,000 dollars from the Belgian State.
- Extortion? - What extortion?
There's no extortion!
You're an asshole.
A few months later
During the trial, Van Damme seemed quite serene
and wishes to remain silent... Here he comes.
Mr Van Damme, a statement?
Do you agree with the court's verdict?
The results are in.
Jean-Claude Van Damme has been convicted for 3 years. One year jail time
two years probation...
Jean-Claude Van Damme, as mentioned earlier,
will serve 1 year for extortion of funds.
He should serve his sentence in a prison in Brussels' suburbs.
And this ends the thrilling judicial series.
We just heard of the incredible escape...
If the knee is lower than the foot, like this...
You won't have any strength. Lower, which is bad...
I'm gonna kick like this, with no power. Check...
Knee too low...
If I put my knee high, I can even kick higher. Go higher.
Then I go... Bam!
- It's something moving. - Van Damme...
Harder!
And what if somebody come at me with a knife?
- Van Damme, visit... - A knife?
Then I keep my distance, and my knee high...
You have a knife, I go inside you
or I can go above you. Do you understand?
Van Damme! Visiting room!
I'm coming. I'm coming.
It's my mother.
See you, guys. Thank you.
How are you, Mom?
Aren't you cold?
No, no. I just gave the guys a karate lesson...
- You teach karate? - Yeah, keeps me busy.
That's nice.
Your father asked how you were doing and
wanted to tell you stuff...
Is he OK?
I'll be right back. I have a surprise.
- Excuse me? - I have a surprise for you.
- I've had plenty of surprises. - Wait a sec.
We don't have much time.